1 00:00:00,650 --> 00:00:04,247 [♪ Marvel Studios fanfare playing] 2 00:00:22,463 --> 00:00:25,004 [Deadpool scatting along] ♪ Ta ta ta ta ta ta ♪ 3 00:00:25,004 --> 00:00:27,710 ♪ Ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ♪ 4 00:00:27,710 --> 00:00:29,437 ♪ Tan tan ta ♪ 5 00:00:29,437 --> 00:00:30,845 ♪ Tan tan tan tan ♪ 6 00:00:30,845 --> 00:00:31,846 ♪ Tan tan ta tan ♪ 7 00:00:31,846 --> 00:00:33,474 - ♪ Tan tan tan tan! ♪ - [♪ fanfare concludes] 8 00:00:33,474 --> 00:00:36,950 [laughs] That logo music just gets you pumped. 9 00:00:36,950 --> 00:00:38,149 - [♪ gentle music playing] - Right? 10 00:00:38,149 --> 00:00:41,988 I’m sorry. I just, I’m excited to be here. It’s been a while. 11 00:00:41,988 --> 00:00:42,890 You know, for a long time, 12 00:00:42,890 --> 00:00:45,123 I wasn’t sure I’d ever be back. 13 00:00:45,123 --> 00:00:45,893 Disney bought Fox, 14 00:00:45,893 --> 00:00:47,961 there was a whole boring rights issue, 15 00:00:47,961 --> 00:00:48,764 blabbity-blabbity-blah. 16 00:00:48,764 --> 00:00:51,327 But then, it turned out, they wanted me. 17 00:00:51,327 --> 00:00:54,737 The one guy who shouldn’t even have his own movie, 18 00:00:54,737 --> 00:00:56,101 much less a franchise. 19 00:00:56,101 --> 00:00:59,137 [laughs] Marvel’s so stupid. 20 00:00:59,137 --> 00:01:01,106 Look, we know the title of this thing. 21 00:01:01,106 --> 00:01:03,174 So, I know what you’re wondering. 22 00:01:03,174 --> 00:01:04,043 How are we gonna do this 23 00:01:04,043 --> 00:01:07,849 without dishonoring Logan’s memory? 24 00:01:07,849 --> 00:01:09,917 And I’ll tell you how. 25 00:01:10,115 --> 00:01:10,753 We’re not. 26 00:01:10,753 --> 00:01:12,414 [♪ romantic music plays, The Platters "Only You"] 27 00:01:12,414 --> 00:01:15,120 I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. 28 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:16,616 Wolverine is not dead. 29 00:01:16,616 --> 00:01:20,730 Sure, it made for a perfect ending to a very sad story. 30 00:01:20,730 --> 00:01:21,489 But that’s not how 31 00:01:21,489 --> 00:01:23,590 regenerative healing factors work. 32 00:01:23,590 --> 00:01:24,800 You think I wanna be out here 33 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:26,626 in beautiful downtown North Dakota, 34 00:01:26,626 --> 00:01:30,036 digging up the one and only Wolverine? No, thank you. 35 00:01:30,036 --> 00:01:32,808 But the fate of my entire world is at stake. 36 00:01:32,808 --> 00:01:34,634 He may not be living his best life, 37 00:01:34,634 --> 00:01:37,043 but he sure as hell ain’t 38 00:01:37,043 --> 00:01:39,408 - dead. - [metal clanks] 39 00:01:41,542 --> 00:01:43,819 [crow cawing in distance] 40 00:01:43,918 --> 00:01:45,348 Bingo. 41 00:01:45,788 --> 00:01:47,185 Yahtzee. 42 00:01:48,087 --> 00:01:49,682 [sighs] 43 00:01:49,682 --> 00:01:53,323 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 44 00:01:56,590 --> 00:01:57,899 Damn it! 45 00:01:57,899 --> 00:02:01,727 - Son of a bitch! - [metal clangs] 46 00:02:02,937 --> 00:02:04,070 You... 47 00:02:04,070 --> 00:02:06,105 - [shovel snaps] - [yelling] 48 00:02:06,105 --> 00:02:09,042 Christ. Motherfucker! 49 00:02:09,042 --> 00:02:10,879 - My world is fuck... - [♪ song stops] 50 00:02:10,879 --> 00:02:14,080 [laughs, snorts] That was weird. 51 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:14,817 I’m much calmer now. 52 00:02:14,817 --> 00:02:16,511 [♪ The Platter "Only You" resumes playing] 53 00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:19,448 Look, I’m not a man of science. 54 00:02:19,448 --> 00:02:22,957 But you seem incredibly passed away. 55 00:02:22,957 --> 00:02:24,992 [flies buzzing] 56 00:02:25,223 --> 00:02:26,125 [sighs] 57 00:02:26,125 --> 00:02:26,862 But it’s good to see ya. 58 00:02:26,862 --> 00:02:30,800 I gotta be honest, I’ve always wanted to ride with you, Log. 59 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:31,724 You and me getting into it. 60 00:02:31,724 --> 00:02:35,695 Deadpool and Wolverine just fuckin’ shit up. 61 00:02:35,695 --> 00:02:39,600 Can you imagine the fun, the chaos... 62 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:41,041 the residuals? 63 00:02:41,041 --> 00:02:42,174 [in Australian accent] "G’day, mate. 64 00:02:42,174 --> 00:02:44,440 "There’s nothing that’ll bring me back to life faster 65 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:47,080 "than a big bag of Marvel cash." 66 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:50,710 [chuckles, in normal tone] Me too, Hugh. 67 00:02:50,710 --> 00:02:53,086 But, no. No, no, no. 68 00:02:53,086 --> 00:02:57,717 [groans] You had to get all noble and die for real. 69 00:02:57,717 --> 00:03:00,027 Goddamn it! 70 00:03:00,489 --> 00:03:03,866 I could really use your help right now. 71 00:03:03,866 --> 00:03:06,132 [electrical whirring] 72 00:03:10,466 --> 00:03:13,271 [♪ tense music playing] 73 00:03:14,206 --> 00:03:15,845 Wait! 74 00:03:15,845 --> 00:03:17,946 I’m warning you, I’m not alone. 75 00:03:17,946 --> 00:03:19,541 Wade Winston Wilson, 76 00:03:19,541 --> 00:03:22,643 you are under arrest by the Time Variance Authority... 77 00:03:22,643 --> 00:03:23,512 [Deadpool sniffs] Oof. 78 00:03:23,512 --> 00:03:24,777 ...for too many crimes to list. 79 00:03:24,777 --> 00:03:25,987 - Come out... - [Deadpool groans] 80 00:03:25,987 --> 00:03:27,054 ...and we’ll extend you the courtesy 81 00:03:27,054 --> 00:03:30,024 - of taking you in one piece. - Death by day-player. 82 00:03:30,024 --> 00:03:31,124 Last chance. 83 00:03:31,124 --> 00:03:31,894 Throw out your weapons 84 00:03:31,894 --> 00:03:33,962 - and come out peacefully. - [Deadpool sighs] 85 00:03:33,962 --> 00:03:36,162 [Deadpool] I’m not gonna give you my weapons, 86 00:03:36,162 --> 00:03:38,758 but I promise not to use them. 87 00:03:38,758 --> 00:03:41,596 There are two hundred and six bones in the human body. 88 00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:43,730 Two hundred and seven if I’m watching Gossip Girl. 89 00:03:43,730 --> 00:03:45,204 [♪ pop music playing, *NSYNC "Bye Bye Bye"] 90 00:03:45,204 --> 00:03:47,635 - Here we go. Maximum effort. - ♪ Hey, hey ♪ 91 00:03:47,635 --> 00:03:49,340 [♪ song stops] 92 00:03:51,771 --> 00:03:54,950 - ♪ Bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 93 00:03:54,950 --> 00:03:55,577 Okay, peanut. 94 00:03:55,577 --> 00:03:58,316 Guess we’re getting that team-up after all. 95 00:03:58,613 --> 00:04:02,056 - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 96 00:04:05,818 --> 00:04:06,291 [grunts] 97 00:04:06,291 --> 00:04:08,128 ♪ I’m doing this tonight ♪ 98 00:04:08,128 --> 00:04:10,966 ♪ You’re probably gonna start a fight ♪ 99 00:04:10,966 --> 00:04:11,560 [screaming] 100 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:13,969 ♪ I know this can’t be right ♪ 101 00:04:13,969 --> 00:04:16,829 ♪ Hey, baby, come on ♪ 102 00:04:16,829 --> 00:04:19,271 ♪ I loved you endlessly ♪ 103 00:04:19,271 --> 00:04:21,669 ♪ When you weren’t there for me ♪ 104 00:04:21,669 --> 00:04:27,708 ♪ So now it’s time to leave and make it alone ♪ 105 00:04:27,708 --> 00:04:30,678 ♪ I know that I can’t take no more ♪ 106 00:04:30,678 --> 00:04:32,185 [smooches] 107 00:04:32,614 --> 00:04:33,186 [exhales] 108 00:04:33,186 --> 00:04:35,650 ♪ I wanna see you out that door ♪ 109 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:38,290 - ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 110 00:04:38,290 --> 00:04:40,358 ♪ Don’t wanna be a fool for you ♪ 111 00:04:40,358 --> 00:04:43,889 ♪ Just another player in your game for two ♪ 112 00:04:43,889 --> 00:04:47,101 ♪ You may hate me, but it ain’t no lie ♪ 113 00:04:47,101 --> 00:04:49,532 - ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 114 00:04:49,532 --> 00:04:51,600 ♪ Don’t really wanna make it tough ♪ 115 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:54,801 ♪ I just wanna tell you that I’ve had enough ♪ 116 00:04:54,801 --> 00:04:58,772 ♪ It might sound crazy, but it ain’t no lie ♪ 117 00:04:58,772 --> 00:05:02,743 ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ 118 00:05:02,743 --> 00:05:04,844 ♪ Just hit me with the truth ♪ 119 00:05:04,844 --> 00:05:07,484 ♪ Now, girl, you’re more than welcome to ♪ 120 00:05:07,484 --> 00:05:10,124 Maradona from outside the box! 121 00:05:10,124 --> 00:05:12,555 Goal! 122 00:05:12,555 --> 00:05:13,556 ♪ Baby, come on ♪ 123 00:05:13,556 --> 00:05:16,757 ♪ I know that I can’t take no more ♪ 124 00:05:16,757 --> 00:05:18,825 - ♪ It ain’t no lie ♪ - [both yelling] 125 00:05:18,825 --> 00:05:21,630 ♪ I wanna see you out that door ♪ 126 00:05:21,630 --> 00:05:24,336 - ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 127 00:05:24,336 --> 00:05:26,470 ♪ Don’t wanna be a fool for you ♪ 128 00:05:26,470 --> 00:05:29,902 ♪ Just another player in your game for two ♪ 129 00:05:29,902 --> 00:05:32,773 ♪ You may hate me, but it ain’t no lie ♪ 130 00:05:32,773 --> 00:05:35,479 - ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 131 00:05:35,479 --> 00:05:37,646 ♪ Don’t really wanna make it tough ♪ 132 00:05:37,646 --> 00:05:40,880 ♪ I just wanna tell you that I had enough ♪ 133 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:44,719 ♪ Might sound crazy, but it ain’t no lie ♪ 134 00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:48,294 ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ 135 00:05:50,659 --> 00:05:54,003 ♪ I don’t wanna be your fool ♪ 136 00:05:54,003 --> 00:05:56,665 ♪ In this game for two ♪ 137 00:05:56,665 --> 00:05:59,635 ♪ So I’m leavin’ you behind ♪ 138 00:05:59,635 --> 00:06:01,043 Come on, big fella. 139 00:06:01,043 --> 00:06:02,572 ♪ Bye, bye, bye, yeah ♪ 140 00:06:02,572 --> 00:06:05,410 ♪ I don’t wanna make it tough ♪ 141 00:06:05,410 --> 00:06:07,280 ♪ But I’ve had enough ♪ 142 00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:11,449 - ♪ And it ain’t no lie ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 143 00:06:11,449 --> 00:06:12,252 ♪ Baby ♪ 144 00:06:12,252 --> 00:06:13,715 ♪ Don’t wanna be a fool for you ♪ 145 00:06:13,715 --> 00:06:15,486 ♪ Just another player in your game for two ♪ 146 00:06:15,486 --> 00:06:20,326 ♪ I don’t wanna be your fool, but it ain’t no lie ♪ 147 00:06:20,326 --> 00:06:22,823 - ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 148 00:06:22,823 --> 00:06:24,627 ♪ Don’t really wanna make it tough ♪ 149 00:06:24,627 --> 00:06:28,334 ♪ I just wanna tell you that I had enough ♪ 150 00:06:28,334 --> 00:06:31,601 ♪ Might sound crazy, but it ain’t no lie ♪ 151 00:06:31,601 --> 00:06:34,439 - ♪ Bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 152 00:06:34,439 --> 00:06:36,540 - [♪ song ends] - [gasps dramatically] 153 00:06:36,540 --> 00:06:39,774 [♪ operatic music playing] 154 00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:43,118 I am soaking wet right now. 155 00:06:44,086 --> 00:06:44,845 [roars] 156 00:06:44,845 --> 00:06:46,880 To be clear, I’m not proud of any of this. 157 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:50,686 The wanton violence, the whiff of necrophilia. 158 00:06:50,686 --> 00:06:51,720 It isn’t who I am. 159 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:53,524 It isn’t who I wanna be. 160 00:06:53,524 --> 00:06:54,195 Who I wanna be? 161 00:06:54,195 --> 00:06:56,428 Well, to help you understand that, 162 00:06:56,428 --> 00:06:57,330 I’ve gotta take you back. 163 00:06:57,330 --> 00:06:59,827 A little joyride I took through space and time, 164 00:06:59,827 --> 00:07:03,072 to the day that changed everything. 165 00:07:03,072 --> 00:07:06,075 [♪ uptempo music building] 166 00:07:12,543 --> 00:07:14,743 [♪ music fades out] 167 00:07:14,743 --> 00:07:16,448 I can’t believe I’m finally here. 168 00:07:16,448 --> 00:07:20,287 I’ve waited for this moment for so long. 169 00:07:20,650 --> 00:07:23,851 Thank you, sir, for seeing me. 170 00:07:23,851 --> 00:07:25,886 I... I firmly believe 171 00:07:25,886 --> 00:07:27,052 that my services could be of 172 00:07:27,052 --> 00:07:29,527 great use to your organization. 173 00:07:29,527 --> 00:07:30,132 Now, I know 174 00:07:30,132 --> 00:07:32,398 I was caught smashturbating in the lobby of Stark Tower, 175 00:07:32,398 --> 00:07:33,828 - but I can assure you that-- - Smashturbating? 176 00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:34,895 I’m sorry, what... what was that? 177 00:07:34,895 --> 00:07:39,031 No, I’m sorry. That... That’s when you get those toy, 178 00:07:39,031 --> 00:07:39,735 Hulk hands, right? 179 00:07:39,735 --> 00:07:42,375 And then you just, you look down, and you just... 180 00:07:42,375 --> 00:07:44,905 you brace yourself, and you ravage the midsection. 181 00:07:44,905 --> 00:07:46,907 - Pinch the... Yeah. Okay. - I get it. Okay, thank you. 182 00:07:46,907 --> 00:07:48,909 - The picture’s painted. - You get the gist. 183 00:07:48,909 --> 00:07:51,615 Uh, what exactly brings you here today? 184 00:07:51,615 --> 00:07:55,080 Why am I... Wow. Okay. Uh... 185 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:55,982 I... I care. 186 00:07:55,982 --> 00:08:00,085 I know I turn everything into a joke, but I... 187 00:08:00,954 --> 00:08:04,826 I care, and I wanna use that feeling... 188 00:08:04,991 --> 00:08:07,433 for something important. 189 00:08:07,433 --> 00:08:08,566 I... I wanna matter. 190 00:08:08,566 --> 00:08:11,030 [♪ solemn music playing] 191 00:08:11,030 --> 00:08:14,066 I need to show my girl that I matter. 192 00:08:14,935 --> 00:08:15,936 And... 193 00:08:15,936 --> 00:08:17,542 You know, I feel like I’m wasting 194 00:08:17,542 --> 00:08:18,279 the good stuff here. 195 00:08:18,279 --> 00:08:19,973 Is the man not gonna be joining us? 196 00:08:19,973 --> 00:08:20,743 - The man? - Yeah. 197 00:08:20,743 --> 00:08:22,580 I should save this if he’s gonna... 198 00:08:22,580 --> 00:08:25,187 Uh, as far as you’re concerned right now, I’m the man. 199 00:08:25,187 --> 00:08:26,551 - No. - The man is me. 200 00:08:26,551 --> 00:08:29,818 I am the man in this circumstance. 201 00:08:29,818 --> 00:08:31,017 - Mm. - He doesn’t do 202 00:08:31,017 --> 00:08:32,722 this kind of thing anymore. 203 00:08:32,722 --> 00:08:33,492 - Cameos? - Meetings. 204 00:08:33,492 --> 00:08:35,626 - Meetings. - Entry-level meetings. 205 00:08:35,626 --> 00:08:36,231 Entry-level? 206 00:08:36,231 --> 00:08:37,991 Aren’t you the chauffeur... 207 00:08:37,991 --> 00:08:40,400 - maybe? - I... Common misconception. 208 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:41,995 - Okay. - I did begin my career 209 00:08:41,995 --> 00:08:43,568 as Mr. Stark’s driver. 210 00:08:43,568 --> 00:08:44,569 - Okay. - Quickly pivoted to... 211 00:08:44,569 --> 00:08:46,032 - Chauffeur. - ...the Head of Security. 212 00:08:46,032 --> 00:08:48,100 The Head of... Of course, yes, yes, yes. 213 00:08:48,100 --> 00:08:50,938 And why I am vetting your resume. 214 00:08:50,938 --> 00:08:53,479 You seem to have left out whether or not you had 215 00:08:53,479 --> 00:08:55,613 any experience as a member of a team. 216 00:08:55,613 --> 00:08:56,350 Could you maybe add 217 00:08:56,350 --> 00:08:57,450 a little bit of perspective there? 218 00:08:57,450 --> 00:09:00,079 Oh. No, yes, of course. I was Special Forces... 219 00:09:00,079 --> 00:09:01,113 - Okay. - ...but I was... 220 00:09:01,113 --> 00:09:02,785 Mainly, I was team leader... 221 00:09:02,785 --> 00:09:03,654 founder, really, of X-Force. 222 00:09:03,654 --> 00:09:05,920 Sadly, they... they all perished in action though. 223 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,086 Oh. How exactly did that happen? 224 00:09:07,086 --> 00:09:09,363 Well, the police say gravity, but if... 225 00:09:09,363 --> 00:09:11,024 Just between us, they didn’t test well 226 00:09:11,024 --> 00:09:12,465 - in the focus group. - I see. 227 00:09:12,465 --> 00:09:14,533 - Particularly Cable. - X-Force. 228 00:09:14,533 --> 00:09:15,237 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 229 00:09:15,237 --> 00:09:16,337 Look, I can see this isn’t going well. 230 00:09:16,337 --> 00:09:17,602 Please stop writing. Look, I... I... 231 00:09:17,602 --> 00:09:20,704 I’m just... I wanna be an Avenger. 232 00:09:21,606 --> 00:09:24,103 I wanna be an Avenger. 233 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,743 Why do you wanna be an Avenger? 234 00:09:26,743 --> 00:09:28,514 Look around you. I mean, they’re the... 235 00:09:28,514 --> 00:09:29,845 they’re the best of the best. 236 00:09:29,845 --> 00:09:32,177 And... And what they do matters. 237 00:09:32,177 --> 00:09:34,080 I need to be an Avenger. 238 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:36,918 Sir, my girl has kinda had it with my shtick, 239 00:09:36,918 --> 00:09:37,820 and I... if I don’t, you know, 240 00:09:37,820 --> 00:09:40,724 turn things around and do something with my "gifts," 241 00:09:40,724 --> 00:09:42,924 I don’t think it’s gonna really work out for me, 242 00:09:42,924 --> 00:09:44,959 and I wouldn’t blame her. 243 00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:49,865 Avengers are a very unique group of superheroes 244 00:09:49,865 --> 00:09:50,602 that stand for something 245 00:09:50,602 --> 00:09:53,132 more than just fighting and wearing costumes. 246 00:09:53,132 --> 00:09:56,872 I mean, people look up to us. Kids look up to us. 247 00:09:56,872 --> 00:09:57,873 - They-- - I’m sorry. "Us"? 248 00:09:57,873 --> 00:10:00,678 I wasn’t aware that you were an Avenger. 249 00:10:00,678 --> 00:10:01,778 Avengers-adjacent, technically. 250 00:10:01,778 --> 00:10:03,142 Oh, wow. What’s your superpower? 251 00:10:03,142 --> 00:10:06,255 Is it parallel parking? I am so sorry. 252 00:10:06,255 --> 00:10:06,849 That was cruel. 253 00:10:06,849 --> 00:10:09,687 I lash out when I’m nervous. Won’t happen again. 254 00:10:09,687 --> 00:10:11,150 - Let’s cut to the chase. - Please. 255 00:10:11,150 --> 00:10:12,393 You just said moments ago 256 00:10:12,393 --> 00:10:15,858 that you wanted to be an Avenger because 257 00:10:15,858 --> 00:10:17,497 you need it. 258 00:10:17,497 --> 00:10:18,190 Yes, sir, I do. 259 00:10:18,190 --> 00:10:19,994 But the Avengers don’t do the job 260 00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:21,061 because they need it. 261 00:10:21,061 --> 00:10:24,306 They do the job because people need them. 262 00:10:24,669 --> 00:10:27,001 Do you see the distinction? 263 00:10:28,134 --> 00:10:30,202 Yes, sir. 264 00:10:30,444 --> 00:10:31,511 Please, Mr. Hogan. 265 00:10:31,511 --> 00:10:32,908 I don’t wanna spend the rest of my life 266 00:10:32,908 --> 00:10:36,043 like an annoying one-trick pony. 267 00:10:38,452 --> 00:10:39,948 All right. 268 00:10:39,948 --> 00:10:41,554 Oh, my God, you’re standing. 269 00:10:41,554 --> 00:10:43,721 Yeah, now’s the time that we stand. 270 00:10:43,721 --> 00:10:44,183 Damn it. 271 00:10:44,183 --> 00:10:45,591 Now, the problem might be that you’re 272 00:10:45,591 --> 00:10:47,857 reaching a little... little too high. 273 00:10:47,857 --> 00:10:50,596 Aim for the middle, and you’ll never miss. 274 00:10:50,596 --> 00:10:51,960 Right? I think you got a good heart. 275 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:53,566 I believe what you’re saying. 276 00:10:53,566 --> 00:10:55,700 But not everybody’s the world-saving type. 277 00:10:55,700 --> 00:10:57,933 I’m not, and I’m happy. 278 00:10:57,933 --> 00:11:00,375 Right? I found my place. 279 00:11:00,705 --> 00:11:02,641 Find your place. 280 00:11:02,641 --> 00:11:04,676 All right? Get back out there. 281 00:11:04,676 --> 00:11:06,777 - We’ll keep an eye on you. - Okay. 282 00:11:06,777 --> 00:11:08,273 Good luck. 283 00:11:08,449 --> 00:11:10,979 - [Wade Wilson] Mm. Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm. 284 00:11:10,979 --> 00:11:13,883 Fetch the car. I wanna hit Shake Shack. 285 00:11:13,883 --> 00:11:16,182 Rejection makes me hungy. 286 00:11:16,457 --> 00:11:17,887 - No, no. Please. - No? 287 00:11:17,887 --> 00:11:19,856 - Yeah, no, no, no. - Okay. 288 00:11:19,856 --> 00:11:21,660 Okay, thank you. 289 00:11:22,562 --> 00:11:24,531 [Deadpool] You know what they say. 290 00:11:24,531 --> 00:11:26,797 When one door closes, 291 00:11:26,995 --> 00:11:28,733 your locker at work opens. 292 00:11:28,733 --> 00:11:31,967 [♪ rousing music playing] 293 00:11:32,198 --> 00:11:34,134 [stapling] 294 00:11:38,479 --> 00:11:39,744 Now let’s go sell some certified 295 00:11:39,744 --> 00:11:41,812 pre-owned vehicles, motherfu... 296 00:11:41,812 --> 00:11:43,517 [♪ music stops] 297 00:11:43,517 --> 00:11:47,983 Technically, the... the Carnival’s not a minivan. 298 00:11:48,621 --> 00:11:49,215 It’s an MPV. 299 00:11:49,215 --> 00:11:51,822 So how does the Kia compare to the Honda Odyssey? 300 00:11:51,822 --> 00:11:53,153 The Odyssey? That’s a great question. 301 00:11:53,153 --> 00:11:55,155 - Um, it doesn’t fucking suck. - [boy snickers] 302 00:11:55,155 --> 00:11:57,696 You know, you can answer the question without swearing. 303 00:11:57,696 --> 00:12:00,666 I’m sorry, Tammy, I don’t... I don’t have kids. 304 00:12:00,666 --> 00:12:02,327 Not that I haven’t dreamt of that, 305 00:12:02,327 --> 00:12:05,671 but I don’t have a lot of vaginal sex. 306 00:12:07,805 --> 00:12:09,070 [Peter] You’ll get ’em next time, pal. 307 00:12:09,070 --> 00:12:10,137 - [Wade] Yeah. - [Peter] And look, 308 00:12:10,137 --> 00:12:11,644 you can always go back to superhero-ing. 309 00:12:11,644 --> 00:12:14,383 I mean, I know I’d like to see you back in the suit. 310 00:12:14,383 --> 00:12:16,913 I don’t keep it in my locker so that I can wear it. 311 00:12:16,913 --> 00:12:19,850 I keep it in my locker in case we need to saddle up again. 312 00:12:19,850 --> 00:12:23,722 Hey, hey, hey. What is that doing in there? 313 00:12:23,722 --> 00:12:25,317 I’m done. 314 00:12:26,593 --> 00:12:28,056 I’m done. 315 00:12:28,056 --> 00:12:30,091 And I’m fine with being done. 316 00:12:30,091 --> 00:12:32,159 Look, is sales the best match? 317 00:12:32,159 --> 00:12:32,797 Probably not. 318 00:12:32,797 --> 00:12:36,735 Is this the life that I always imagined for myself? Fuck no. 319 00:12:36,735 --> 00:12:40,508 But this is the right fit for me, Sugar Bear, it is. 320 00:12:40,508 --> 00:12:41,872 Okay, Mr. Wilson. 321 00:12:41,872 --> 00:12:43,511 I’m just saying, once a month, 322 00:12:43,511 --> 00:12:45,513 we could go on a little mission. 323 00:12:45,513 --> 00:12:48,681 We’re human beings. We crave purpose. 324 00:12:48,681 --> 00:12:49,979 After all, we’re Deadpool. 325 00:12:49,979 --> 00:12:52,916 Please stop saying that. We’re not Deadpool. 326 00:12:52,916 --> 00:12:54,786 I’m not even Deadpool anymore. 327 00:12:54,786 --> 00:12:58,086 Well, if you’re gonna have a midlife crisis, go big. 328 00:12:58,086 --> 00:12:59,758 A few years ago, a friend of mine 329 00:12:59,758 --> 00:13:01,958 got his nipples pierced with a titanium chain 330 00:13:01,958 --> 00:13:05,863 that goes down and attaches to his Van Johnson. 331 00:13:05,863 --> 00:13:07,733 [camera clicking] 332 00:13:09,471 --> 00:13:11,770 Are... Are you feeling grumplestiltskin 333 00:13:11,770 --> 00:13:13,970 ’cause it’s your birthday? 334 00:13:15,103 --> 00:13:16,742 What? 335 00:13:17,006 --> 00:13:18,403 No. 336 00:13:19,041 --> 00:13:20,647 No. 337 00:13:22,682 --> 00:13:24,915 - Surprise! - [♪ hip-hop music plays] 338 00:13:24,915 --> 00:13:28,380 Hey, you guys are lucky I’m not armed. 339 00:13:28,589 --> 00:13:29,183 Get in here. 340 00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:31,691 If this were six years ago, you’d all be dead. 341 00:13:31,691 --> 00:13:33,627 So then, he gets out of the cab, 342 00:13:33,627 --> 00:13:34,628 and you will not believe it. 343 00:13:34,628 --> 00:13:36,531 I turn around, and what do I find? 344 00:13:36,531 --> 00:13:38,390 - AirPods. His AirPods. - His AirPods! 345 00:13:38,390 --> 00:13:39,325 - Come on. - Crazy story. 346 00:13:39,325 --> 00:13:43,197 - Every time. Come on. - [laughing] Every single time. 347 00:13:43,428 --> 00:13:44,572 [Wade sighs] 348 00:13:44,572 --> 00:13:46,101 Make any sales today? 349 00:13:46,101 --> 00:13:47,069 You know I didn’t. 350 00:13:47,069 --> 00:13:48,972 Did you sell any dreamcatchers on Etsy 351 00:13:48,972 --> 00:13:50,578 or whatever it is that you do? 352 00:13:50,578 --> 00:13:52,547 Our rent’s due in three days, Wade. 353 00:13:52,547 --> 00:13:53,977 I can’t keep carrying you. 354 00:13:53,977 --> 00:13:55,176 Relax. I have the money. 355 00:13:55,176 --> 00:13:58,113 I sold some old blood pressure medication 356 00:13:58,113 --> 00:13:59,048 I found lying around. 357 00:13:59,048 --> 00:14:00,654 You tryin’ to kill me, motherfucker? 358 00:14:00,654 --> 00:14:02,557 I’m not the one dousing everything in salt, 359 00:14:02,557 --> 00:14:05,186 - motherfucker. - I pray every day 360 00:14:05,186 --> 00:14:06,990 that fire finds your body 361 00:14:06,990 --> 00:14:09,630 and finishes the job God didn’t have 362 00:14:09,630 --> 00:14:11,027 - the nuts to do. - That’s hurtful. 363 00:14:11,027 --> 00:14:12,897 If you could hear the look on my face, 364 00:14:12,897 --> 00:14:14,459 you’d smell how sad I am. 365 00:14:14,459 --> 00:14:15,834 You watched anything good? 366 00:14:15,834 --> 00:14:17,836 Great British Bake Off. 367 00:14:17,836 --> 00:14:18,463 Oh, goddamn. 368 00:14:18,463 --> 00:14:20,806 That show stood between me and suicide for 10 years. 369 00:14:20,806 --> 00:14:23,710 Those are my feelings on abortion, religious freedom, 370 00:14:23,710 --> 00:14:25,877 animal rights, privacy rights, vaccines, 371 00:14:25,877 --> 00:14:27,978 free-market capitalism, global climate change. 372 00:14:27,978 --> 00:14:31,443 Yeah, duh-duh-duh. No, no speaking lines, Buck. 373 00:14:31,443 --> 00:14:33,654 - Hi, Yukio. - Hi, Wade. 374 00:14:33,654 --> 00:14:35,887 Nice fake o’clock shadow. 375 00:14:35,887 --> 00:14:38,725 It’s a summer balayage. From the French. 376 00:14:38,725 --> 00:14:42,795 It’s meant to mimic the natural highlights of the sun. 377 00:14:42,795 --> 00:14:44,830 - It’s a toupee. - It’s a hair system. 378 00:14:44,830 --> 00:14:47,536 I love your hair system, Wade. 379 00:14:47,536 --> 00:14:48,702 Thank you. Heh. 380 00:14:48,702 --> 00:14:49,461 Wanna do some cocaine? 381 00:14:49,461 --> 00:14:52,937 Hey, cocaine is the one thing that Feige said is off limits. 382 00:14:52,937 --> 00:14:54,576 What about Bolivian marching powder? 383 00:14:54,576 --> 00:14:56,875 They know all the slang terms. They have a list. 384 00:14:56,875 --> 00:14:59,174 - Even snowboarding? - Even disco dust. 385 00:14:59,174 --> 00:14:59,944 White girl interrupted? 386 00:14:59,944 --> 00:15:01,440 - Even Forrest Bump. - Booger sugar? 387 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:02,584 I wouldn’t even try powdered gonuts. 388 00:15:02,584 --> 00:15:07,347 - Do you wanna build a snowman? - Yes. But I can’t. 389 00:15:08,447 --> 00:15:09,591 Pull here. 390 00:15:09,591 --> 00:15:10,625 - Here? - Yeah. [gasps] 391 00:15:10,625 --> 00:15:11,593 - [Yukio yelps] - [laughter] 392 00:15:11,593 --> 00:15:14,288 - [Dopinder] What happened? - That’s the fun part. 393 00:15:14,992 --> 00:15:16,565 Thanks for coming. 394 00:15:16,565 --> 00:15:17,599 Yeah. 395 00:15:17,599 --> 00:15:18,633 How’s work? 396 00:15:18,633 --> 00:15:20,701 Oh, I got a promotion. 397 00:15:21,064 --> 00:15:21,526 No way. 398 00:15:21,526 --> 00:15:25,431 Yeah. It’s mind-numbing middle management, but I’m happy. 399 00:15:25,431 --> 00:15:27,070 That’s great. 400 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,304 - You, uh, seeing anyone? - How about you? 401 00:15:30,810 --> 00:15:32,647 Um... Yeah. 402 00:15:32,647 --> 00:15:35,584 A guy from work. Dermot. 403 00:15:35,584 --> 00:15:36,508 Dermot. 404 00:15:36,508 --> 00:15:37,982 - He’s kind. - Good. 405 00:15:37,982 --> 00:15:39,588 Likes to go hiking. 406 00:15:39,588 --> 00:15:41,051 Hasn’t gotten me shot yet. 407 00:15:41,051 --> 00:15:43,548 Well, it’s the early days. 408 00:15:43,548 --> 00:15:45,660 [Vanessa chuckles] 409 00:15:47,057 --> 00:15:49,554 What about you? You seeing anyone? 410 00:15:49,554 --> 00:15:50,159 [Wade] Mm... 411 00:15:50,159 --> 00:15:51,963 No, no, I live in a one-bedroom apartment. 412 00:15:51,963 --> 00:15:54,295 I share a bed with Blind Al. 413 00:15:55,032 --> 00:15:56,935 - Okay. - [laughs] 414 00:15:56,935 --> 00:15:59,234 - All right. - All right. 415 00:15:59,531 --> 00:16:03,403 [all] ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 416 00:16:03,403 --> 00:16:04,910 - Speech! Speech! - [Yukio] Yes! 417 00:16:04,910 --> 00:16:07,913 All right. Okay, okay, okay. Uh... 418 00:16:08,177 --> 00:16:08,947 Birthdays. 419 00:16:08,947 --> 00:16:10,817 Boy, every spin around the moon 420 00:16:10,817 --> 00:16:11,686 is a new adventure indeed. 421 00:16:11,686 --> 00:16:14,920 - Sun, dumbass. - Okay, round-earther. 422 00:16:15,217 --> 00:16:17,890 - Where was I? - The adventure of life. 423 00:16:17,890 --> 00:16:18,583 Right. Um... 424 00:16:18,583 --> 00:16:20,794 It’s been a challenging few years. 425 00:16:20,794 --> 00:16:22,059 Haven’t seen you guys in a while. 426 00:16:22,059 --> 00:16:24,424 Been through a lot, uh, change of life. 427 00:16:24,424 --> 00:16:27,031 - Menopause? - Bitch, are you improv-ing? 428 00:16:27,031 --> 00:16:28,802 - Mm-mm. - Sorry. 429 00:16:28,802 --> 00:16:30,705 [softly] I’m sorry that you had to see that, Yukio. 430 00:16:30,705 --> 00:16:33,675 - [softly] It’s okay. - Yeah. 431 00:16:34,071 --> 00:16:35,743 [sighs] But I’m happy. 432 00:16:35,743 --> 00:16:36,876 You know, and that’s... that’s 433 00:16:36,876 --> 00:16:40,011 because of each and every one of you. 434 00:16:40,011 --> 00:16:41,782 I guess, what I’m trying to say is 435 00:16:41,782 --> 00:16:43,718 how proud I am, how grateful I am 436 00:16:43,718 --> 00:16:44,785 to be standing in a room 437 00:16:44,785 --> 00:16:48,217 with every single person I love. 438 00:16:48,217 --> 00:16:51,121 [♪ soft music playing] 439 00:16:53,123 --> 00:16:55,664 I’m the luckiest man alive. 440 00:16:55,664 --> 00:16:57,160 [chuckles] 441 00:16:57,556 --> 00:16:58,293 Make a wish, buddy. 442 00:16:58,293 --> 00:17:01,494 Ten-four, good buddy. [chuckles] 443 00:17:01,494 --> 00:17:03,133 Going down. 444 00:17:05,938 --> 00:17:07,676 [knock at door] 445 00:17:08,875 --> 00:17:09,843 Wade Wilson? 446 00:17:09,843 --> 00:17:10,943 Oh, yeah. Dancers. 447 00:17:10,943 --> 00:17:12,714 Dopinder must have ordered you. 448 00:17:12,714 --> 00:17:15,013 Are those supposed to be cop costumes? 449 00:17:15,013 --> 00:17:15,882 Never mind. 450 00:17:15,882 --> 00:17:18,577 Take your clothes off but leave the helmets. 451 00:17:18,577 --> 00:17:20,755 And this isn’t Pretty Woman. 452 00:17:20,755 --> 00:17:21,756 We’re kissing. All right? 453 00:17:21,756 --> 00:17:24,792 What song do you guys normally dance to? 454 00:17:24,792 --> 00:17:28,191 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 455 00:17:28,191 --> 00:17:29,357 Is that supposed to be scary? 456 00:17:29,357 --> 00:17:31,656 Pegging isn’t new for me, friendo. 457 00:17:31,656 --> 00:17:33,834 But it is for Disney. 458 00:17:33,834 --> 00:17:34,560 Ah, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta! 459 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:36,496 Okay, I’ve never been a natural bottom, 460 00:17:36,496 --> 00:17:38,597 so we’re gonna take things real slow. 461 00:17:38,597 --> 00:17:40,940 And I want some crazy eye contact. 462 00:17:40,940 --> 00:17:41,600 Not you. You. 463 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:43,943 Can’t see your eyes through the mask, but I can feel them. 464 00:17:43,943 --> 00:17:45,505 We’re gonna move on down the hallway 465 00:17:45,505 --> 00:17:47,639 so we can spare a cleanup on aisle asshole. 466 00:17:47,639 --> 00:17:49,542 How’s everyone feel about this plan? 467 00:17:49,542 --> 00:17:50,246 I don’t like you. 468 00:17:50,246 --> 00:17:52,578 Yes. Let’s hold on to that attitude. 469 00:17:52,578 --> 00:17:54,789 And we’re gonna do it angry. 470 00:17:54,789 --> 00:17:56,351 [grunts] 471 00:17:57,253 --> 00:17:58,859 [grunts] 472 00:18:01,961 --> 00:18:04,557 [♪ suspenseful music playing] 473 00:18:04,557 --> 00:18:06,691 [Wade moans softly] 474 00:18:06,867 --> 00:18:08,627 [Wade grunts] 475 00:18:12,532 --> 00:18:14,369 [Voice] Mr. Wilson... 476 00:18:14,743 --> 00:18:18,109 you appear to have soiled yourself while unconscious. 477 00:18:18,109 --> 00:18:21,013 I wasn’t unconscious. Who are you? 478 00:18:21,013 --> 00:18:22,575 I go by the name of Paradox. 479 00:18:22,575 --> 00:18:26,645 Mr. Paradox. And you’re sitting here at the TVA. 480 00:18:26,645 --> 00:18:28,581 The Time Variance Authority. 481 00:18:28,581 --> 00:18:30,616 We’re really a watchdog organization, 482 00:18:30,616 --> 00:18:33,553 except we’re more lighthearted than that sounds, 483 00:18:33,553 --> 00:18:37,029 with a sort of throwback, ironic twist. 484 00:18:37,029 --> 00:18:38,624 And we’re in charge of defending 485 00:18:38,624 --> 00:18:40,835 what’s known as the Sacred Timeline. 486 00:18:40,835 --> 00:18:44,564 Holy fuck. That is a shit-ton of exposition for a threequel. 487 00:18:44,564 --> 00:18:46,566 Is this because I used Cable’s time machine? 488 00:18:46,566 --> 00:18:48,876 Brought a couple of people back to life, 489 00:18:48,876 --> 00:18:49,635 then I destroyed it. 490 00:18:49,635 --> 00:18:50,878 - That was a long time ago. - Yes, 491 00:18:50,878 --> 00:18:53,738 we’re aware of your abuse of your timeline. 492 00:18:53,738 --> 00:18:56,576 [chuckles] And you were so abusive of it. 493 00:18:56,576 --> 00:18:59,546 Uh, no, it has nothing to do with that. 494 00:18:59,546 --> 00:19:01,185 Walk with me. 495 00:19:02,417 --> 00:19:05,354 [♪ mysterious music playing] 496 00:19:05,827 --> 00:19:09,061 I brought you here, Mr. Wilson, to tell you 497 00:19:09,061 --> 00:19:10,557 that you’re special. 498 00:19:10,557 --> 00:19:13,967 In fact, you’ve been chosen for a higher purpose, 499 00:19:13,967 --> 00:19:16,530 a purpose unclear even to me. 500 00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:18,268 But one that could 501 00:19:18,268 --> 00:19:20,941 save the entire Sacred Timeline 502 00:19:20,941 --> 00:19:23,911 from a possibly grisly fate sometime in the future, 503 00:19:23,911 --> 00:19:27,211 which may very well need to be... 504 00:19:27,211 --> 00:19:28,773 avenged. 505 00:19:28,773 --> 00:19:31,182 This Sacred Timeline, 506 00:19:31,446 --> 00:19:34,152 I assume I’m going to marvel 507 00:19:34,152 --> 00:19:35,681 at how 508 00:19:35,681 --> 00:19:37,584 cinematic it feels? 509 00:19:37,584 --> 00:19:38,827 Gratuitous cameos, 510 00:19:38,827 --> 00:19:41,687 indiscriminate use of Variants, the whole package? 511 00:19:41,687 --> 00:19:43,788 Well, you tell me. 512 00:19:43,788 --> 00:19:45,361 [device beeps] 513 00:19:47,099 --> 00:19:50,168 [♪ heroic music playing] 514 00:19:50,905 --> 00:19:52,302 Cap! 515 00:19:58,572 --> 00:20:00,948 You are no longer lost, Wade. 516 00:20:00,948 --> 00:20:03,742 You can be a hero among heroes. 517 00:20:03,742 --> 00:20:06,151 We’ve been surveilling you for quite a while. 518 00:20:06,151 --> 00:20:10,221 - Subway station. - A TVA outpost, yes. 519 00:20:10,518 --> 00:20:12,685 - And what is that? - Hmm? 520 00:20:14,753 --> 00:20:17,030 Is that me? Is that Thor? 521 00:20:17,492 --> 00:20:19,428 - Is he crying? - Uh, let’s not 522 00:20:19,428 --> 00:20:20,627 - get ahead of ourselves. - [gasps] 523 00:20:20,627 --> 00:20:21,969 That happens in the distant future. 524 00:20:21,969 --> 00:20:23,696 Why is Thor crying? Quick! Tell me. 525 00:20:23,696 --> 00:20:25,137 Do not speak to her. Stop that. Eyes on me. 526 00:20:25,137 --> 00:20:27,766 I brought you here to offer you an opportunity. 527 00:20:27,766 --> 00:20:29,768 The opportunity you sought years ago, 528 00:20:29,768 --> 00:20:31,605 but for which you were not ready. 529 00:20:31,605 --> 00:20:32,837 We believe you’re ready now. 530 00:20:32,837 --> 00:20:34,982 Ready for a chance to leave your timeline 531 00:20:34,982 --> 00:20:36,918 and join the greatest universe of all. 532 00:20:36,918 --> 00:20:39,448 I am about to give you the thing you’ve always wanted. 533 00:20:39,448 --> 00:20:41,021 Oh, I smell what you’re steppin’ in. 534 00:20:41,021 --> 00:20:42,715 The power in the Marvel Universe 535 00:20:42,715 --> 00:20:44,750 is about to change forever. 536 00:20:46,191 --> 00:20:47,687 I am the Messiah... 537 00:20:47,687 --> 00:20:50,030 [♪ heavenly music building] 538 00:20:50,030 --> 00:20:52,725 I am... 539 00:20:52,725 --> 00:20:55,398 - [♪ music stops] - ...Marvel Jesus. 540 00:20:55,728 --> 00:20:57,565 Can you excuse me for just a moment? 541 00:20:57,565 --> 00:20:59,864 I’m just gonna go over here. 542 00:21:02,471 --> 00:21:03,802 Suck it, Fox! 543 00:21:03,802 --> 00:21:05,111 I’m going to Disneyland. 544 00:21:05,111 --> 00:21:07,245 [grunts] Get fucked! 545 00:21:10,215 --> 00:21:10,842 Where do I sign? 546 00:21:10,842 --> 00:21:11,876 Oh, there’s no need for paperwork. 547 00:21:11,876 --> 00:21:14,780 Good. Not to brag, but I do not read. 548 00:21:14,780 --> 00:21:15,418 [chuckles] Oh. 549 00:21:15,418 --> 00:21:18,388 There is one thing I will need, though. 550 00:21:20,093 --> 00:21:21,853 [♪ rousing music playing] 551 00:21:21,853 --> 00:21:24,559 [laughs] Oh, fuck off! 552 00:21:24,559 --> 00:21:27,133 Adorn me, Beardo. 553 00:21:41,048 --> 00:21:43,809 - [squeaks] - [elevator dings] 554 00:21:43,809 --> 00:21:47,120 [♪ hip-hop music plays, Fergie ft. Ludacris "Glamorous"] 555 00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:48,517 Fuckin’ A! 556 00:21:48,517 --> 00:21:50,123 Uhh! It’s perfect! FYI, 557 00:21:50,123 --> 00:21:54,094 your tailor is a predator, but I love it. Snug. 558 00:21:54,094 --> 00:21:54,787 No camel toe. 559 00:21:54,787 --> 00:21:58,758 New car smell and adamantium katanas? 560 00:21:58,758 --> 00:22:00,562 You shouldn’t have. 561 00:22:00,562 --> 00:22:02,069 Go ahead. Take it in. 562 00:22:02,069 --> 00:22:05,006 And yes, your underwear is getting tighter. 563 00:22:05,006 --> 00:22:06,799 That guy knows what I’m talking about. 564 00:22:06,799 --> 00:22:08,603 His clothes says middle management, 565 00:22:08,603 --> 00:22:11,540 but his eyes say fuck-y fuck-y. 566 00:22:11,540 --> 00:22:13,542 Yes. You look very nice. 567 00:22:13,542 --> 00:22:14,246 [Deadpool] "Nice"? 568 00:22:14,246 --> 00:22:16,479 Your buddy here is ready to throw it all away for me. 569 00:22:16,479 --> 00:22:17,546 - You callin’ your wife? - HR. 570 00:22:17,546 --> 00:22:18,712 [Deadpool] Does your wife work in HR? 571 00:22:18,712 --> 00:22:21,517 [Mr. Paradox] I’m really glad you’re taking this so well. 572 00:22:21,517 --> 00:22:22,991 [Deadpool] Oh, I’m taking it well. 573 00:22:22,991 --> 00:22:25,653 I have never had a problem traveling for work. 574 00:22:25,653 --> 00:22:27,688 That said, we should talk vacation days. 575 00:22:27,688 --> 00:22:30,493 I’m more of a one-week-on- one-week-off kind of guy. 576 00:22:30,493 --> 00:22:31,659 I think it’s what they do in Denmark. 577 00:22:31,659 --> 00:22:33,694 You know, you’ll never see a Danish flag on the moon, 578 00:22:33,694 --> 00:22:35,498 but [chuckles] goddamn it, they’re happy. 579 00:22:35,498 --> 00:22:38,864 Now, let’s power up your little Amazon Fire phone there 580 00:22:38,864 --> 00:22:39,667 and zip me back home 581 00:22:39,667 --> 00:22:42,472 so I can let my friends know that they’ve been upgraded 582 00:22:42,472 --> 00:22:43,110 to disciples. 583 00:22:43,110 --> 00:22:46,014 Yeah. I don’t think you... quite understand. 584 00:22:46,014 --> 00:22:48,709 Um, you will not be returning to your home 585 00:22:48,709 --> 00:22:51,877 because there will be no home to return to. 586 00:22:51,877 --> 00:22:52,779 Come again? 587 00:22:52,779 --> 00:22:54,715 This time in my ears. 588 00:22:56,189 --> 00:22:57,784 [device beeps] 589 00:22:57,784 --> 00:23:01,953 This is your universe, Mr. Wilson. 590 00:23:02,063 --> 00:23:02,921 That 591 00:23:02,921 --> 00:23:04,956 is what happens when a universe 592 00:23:04,956 --> 00:23:06,925 loses their Anchor Being. 593 00:23:06,925 --> 00:23:08,894 See how it decays from the inside? 594 00:23:08,894 --> 00:23:11,765 - This is how a reality dies. - What’s an Anchor Being? 595 00:23:11,765 --> 00:23:14,801 An Anchor Being is an entity of such vital importance 596 00:23:14,801 --> 00:23:15,538 that when they die, 597 00:23:15,538 --> 00:23:18,772 their whole world slowly withers out of existence. 598 00:23:18,772 --> 00:23:21,676 You’ve just won the lottery because I didn’t die. 599 00:23:21,676 --> 00:23:24,052 It was just a little midlife crisis. I’m better now. 600 00:23:24,052 --> 00:23:27,187 Oh, no, no, no. [laughing] 601 00:23:28,683 --> 00:23:29,981 [Deadpool laughs along] 602 00:23:29,981 --> 00:23:32,687 - Oh, my God. - Oh, I love to laugh. 603 00:23:32,687 --> 00:23:35,558 Can you imagine if you were the Anchor Being? 604 00:23:35,558 --> 00:23:37,626 - [Deadpool, dully] Yeah. - [laughs] Oh! 605 00:23:37,626 --> 00:23:41,201 - Yeah. - No, it isn’t you, Mr. Wilson. 606 00:23:41,201 --> 00:23:42,334 Your Anchor Being died 607 00:23:42,334 --> 00:23:45,568 in an act of self-sacrifice so epic 608 00:23:45,568 --> 00:23:48,142 that it sent shivers down the Timeline. 609 00:23:48,142 --> 00:23:52,146 I am referring, of course, to... 610 00:23:52,773 --> 00:23:57,250 Logan. The Wolverine. 611 00:23:59,483 --> 00:24:02,882 [weakly] Don’t be what they made you. 612 00:24:02,882 --> 00:24:06,820 [♪ sentimental slow rock music playing] 613 00:24:11,055 --> 00:24:11,891 [crying] 614 00:24:11,891 --> 00:24:15,763 Ah, so this is what it feels like... 615 00:24:16,797 --> 00:24:18,634 [Deadpool] Logan. 616 00:24:18,865 --> 00:24:20,372 Of course. 617 00:24:20,603 --> 00:24:22,033 Logan. 618 00:24:23,034 --> 00:24:24,244 [Deadpool groans] 619 00:24:24,244 --> 00:24:25,509 [yelling] Logan? 620 00:24:25,509 --> 00:24:27,412 The guy with forks for hands? 621 00:24:27,412 --> 00:24:29,975 - That Wolverine? - [device beeps] 622 00:24:29,975 --> 00:24:31,680 Yeah, I got it. You can turn your 623 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:34,122 retro graphics of death off now. Make it stop. 624 00:24:34,122 --> 00:24:35,849 We’re not doing it, Mr. Wilson. 625 00:24:35,849 --> 00:24:37,884 We certainly can’t stop it. 626 00:24:38,951 --> 00:24:40,018 [Deadpool] How long have we got? 627 00:24:40,018 --> 00:24:42,724 In most cases, couple thousand years. 628 00:24:42,724 --> 00:24:43,989 - Well, sweet. - Well, most cases 629 00:24:43,989 --> 00:24:46,497 aren’t fast enough. Not for me. 630 00:24:46,497 --> 00:24:47,663 [Deadpool] What does that mean? 631 00:24:47,663 --> 00:24:49,698 It means that I have been tasked 632 00:24:49,698 --> 00:24:52,569 with overseeing the end of your universe. 633 00:24:52,569 --> 00:24:53,339 And regardless of what 634 00:24:53,339 --> 00:24:55,671 the pencil pushers upstairs would prefer, 635 00:24:55,671 --> 00:24:56,243 I will not 636 00:24:56,243 --> 00:24:59,807 waste my life watching it die slowly of natural causes. 637 00:24:59,807 --> 00:25:02,040 We used to just prune these things. Simple. 638 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,042 Elegant. Efficient. But I’m told the TVA 639 00:25:04,042 --> 00:25:06,484 doesn’t like to do that anymore. Well, I do. 640 00:25:06,484 --> 00:25:08,453 And no matter what my so-called superiors say, 641 00:25:08,453 --> 00:25:11,522 the multiverse does not need a babysitter. 642 00:25:11,522 --> 00:25:13,194 We need a mercy killer. 643 00:25:13,194 --> 00:25:14,855 And in this instance, 644 00:25:14,855 --> 00:25:18,859 I am the mercy killer. Ha! 645 00:25:19,662 --> 00:25:21,169 [chuckles] 646 00:25:21,664 --> 00:25:22,302 [device beeps] 647 00:25:22,302 --> 00:25:23,831 [Deadpool] What in the MacGuffin is that? 648 00:25:23,831 --> 00:25:26,867 [Mr. Paradox] That’s a Time Ripper, Mr. Wilson. 649 00:25:26,867 --> 00:25:27,967 An accelerant. 650 00:25:27,967 --> 00:25:30,739 Once completed, it will allow me to destroy 651 00:25:30,739 --> 00:25:32,741 the spacetime matrix of your universe. 652 00:25:32,741 --> 00:25:35,546 You see, I don’t want to work for the TVA. 653 00:25:35,546 --> 00:25:36,778 I want to be the TVA. 654 00:25:36,778 --> 00:25:39,946 And the first step involves showing this organization 655 00:25:39,946 --> 00:25:41,717 how much more efficient it can become. 656 00:25:41,717 --> 00:25:43,851 To wit, I will be giving your universe 657 00:25:43,851 --> 00:25:45,952 a swift and compassionate end. 658 00:25:45,952 --> 00:25:47,459 And don’t worry, your friends won’t feel a thing. 659 00:25:47,459 --> 00:25:51,661 It’ll be over just like this. "Oh, what’s that?" [groans] 660 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:53,300 Trust me. 661 00:26:04,740 --> 00:26:07,545 You’re gonna Old Yeller my fucking universe? 662 00:26:07,545 --> 00:26:09,547 Mm... In your parlance, yes. 663 00:26:09,547 --> 00:26:10,878 Two in the heart, one in the head. 664 00:26:10,878 --> 00:26:13,078 Look, Mr. Wilson, you have two choices. 665 00:26:13,078 --> 00:26:14,618 You can either rejoin your loved ones 666 00:26:14,618 --> 00:26:16,884 and collectively cease to exist in, 667 00:26:16,884 --> 00:26:19,788 I’d say, 72 hours. Or... 668 00:26:19,788 --> 00:26:22,054 you join the Sacred Timeline. 669 00:26:22,054 --> 00:26:25,057 And you end your days of insignificance 670 00:26:25,057 --> 00:26:27,433 and mediocrity. 671 00:26:27,433 --> 00:26:28,764 Wade. 672 00:26:28,764 --> 00:26:30,832 Wade, you can finally, 673 00:26:30,832 --> 00:26:33,901 finally matter. 674 00:26:36,805 --> 00:26:40,908 - [Hulk roars] - [♪ sentimental music playing] 675 00:26:42,547 --> 00:26:45,286 That’s all I’ve ever really wanted. 676 00:26:45,286 --> 00:26:47,079 I know. 677 00:26:47,178 --> 00:26:48,454 I know. 678 00:26:48,454 --> 00:26:50,951 And you know I’m... I’m nothing if not 679 00:26:50,951 --> 00:26:53,085 morally flexible. [chuckles] 680 00:26:53,085 --> 00:26:54,790 [chuckles] 681 00:26:55,021 --> 00:26:56,726 Yep, yep. 682 00:26:58,189 --> 00:26:59,465 I’ll do it. 683 00:26:59,465 --> 00:27:00,059 Wise choice. 684 00:27:00,059 --> 00:27:01,533 The Sacred Timeline’s happy to have you. 685 00:27:01,533 --> 00:27:02,864 [Deadpool] I was actually talking about finding 686 00:27:02,864 --> 00:27:05,834 the Wolverine and breaking your fucking nose. 687 00:27:06,197 --> 00:27:07,803 [groans] 688 00:27:07,803 --> 00:27:09,277 [♪ soft rock music plays, Goo Goo Dolls "Iris"] 689 00:27:09,277 --> 00:27:11,906 ♪ And I’d give up forever to touch you ♪ 690 00:27:11,906 --> 00:27:16,878 ♪ ’Cause I know that you feel me somehow ♪ 691 00:27:16,878 --> 00:27:18,715 [♪ song stops] 692 00:27:18,847 --> 00:27:20,849 Find him. Find him! 693 00:27:20,849 --> 00:27:23,456 [Deadpool] And boy, did he ever. 694 00:27:23,456 --> 00:27:24,721 [grunting] 695 00:27:24,721 --> 00:27:27,152 Which brings us back to this. 696 00:27:27,922 --> 00:27:30,056 The desecration of the sacred corpse. 697 00:27:30,056 --> 00:27:34,225 - [♪ dramatic music playing] - [yelling and grunting] 698 00:27:34,764 --> 00:27:37,195 - Oh, my God! - [yells] 699 00:27:37,536 --> 00:27:40,638 Oh! My own fucking arm! 700 00:27:40,638 --> 00:27:41,474 [soldier 1 yells] 701 00:27:41,474 --> 00:27:43,102 - [soldier 1 screams] - [grunting] 702 00:27:43,102 --> 00:27:45,137 - [soldier 1 screaming] - Now we’re talkin’! 703 00:27:45,137 --> 00:27:46,809 [soldier 1] Not like this! 704 00:27:46,809 --> 00:27:48,448 No, dear God! No! 705 00:27:48,448 --> 00:27:51,044 [Deadpool] I’m sorry! Wolverine-ing is hard! 706 00:27:51,044 --> 00:27:52,485 [soldier 2] Make it stop! 707 00:27:52,485 --> 00:27:53,816 [Deadpool] Mangold tried. 708 00:27:53,816 --> 00:27:56,357 [soldiers screaming] 709 00:27:56,687 --> 00:27:58,722 You sick fuck! 710 00:27:58,722 --> 00:27:59,789 Logan was a hero. 711 00:27:59,789 --> 00:28:01,560 And the only thing worth a shit 712 00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:03,595 to ever come out of Canada. 713 00:28:03,595 --> 00:28:05,190 [soldier 1 cries out] 714 00:28:05,190 --> 00:28:07,060 [soldier 2 screams] 715 00:28:10,503 --> 00:28:12,967 [Deadpool] Get my country’s name 716 00:28:12,967 --> 00:28:15,937 out of your fuckin’ mouth. 717 00:28:16,036 --> 00:28:18,709 And my sword. Give me that. 718 00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:21,041 [exhales] 719 00:28:21,041 --> 00:28:24,176 Oh, I gotta find me another Logan. 720 00:28:24,176 --> 00:28:24,979 An alive one. 721 00:28:24,979 --> 00:28:27,718 Don’t get up, guys. I’ll see myself out. 722 00:28:27,718 --> 00:28:31,854 [♪ synth rock music playing, "The Power of Love"] 723 00:28:35,627 --> 00:28:37,057 Logan! 724 00:28:39,598 --> 00:28:42,370 I’m gonna need you to come with me. 725 00:28:42,931 --> 00:28:44,702 Who’s asking? 726 00:28:44,834 --> 00:28:45,571 [♪ music stops] 727 00:28:45,571 --> 00:28:47,705 [Deadpool] Oh, look at this little Hairy Lou Retton. 728 00:28:47,705 --> 00:28:50,642 Did you stick the landing, little guy? 729 00:28:50,642 --> 00:28:51,511 Yes, you did! 730 00:28:51,511 --> 00:28:53,205 Comic-accurate short king. 731 00:28:53,205 --> 00:28:55,581 Such a cute wittle Wolvie. 732 00:28:55,581 --> 00:28:56,912 Cue the fuckin’ montage, baby. 733 00:28:56,912 --> 00:28:58,914 - [♪ synth rock music resumes] - Ahoy! 734 00:28:58,914 --> 00:29:01,488 Everything seems to be on fire. 735 00:29:01,488 --> 00:29:02,588 You have a dragon? 736 00:29:02,588 --> 00:29:05,888 Ooh, you have Anchor Being written all over-- 737 00:29:05,888 --> 00:29:08,121 [grunting] 738 00:29:08,693 --> 00:29:09,254 [growling] 739 00:29:09,254 --> 00:29:13,566 ♪ Make a one man weep, make another man sing ♪ 740 00:29:13,566 --> 00:29:15,733 ♪ Change a hawk...♪ 741 00:29:15,733 --> 00:29:16,228 Patch! 742 00:29:16,228 --> 00:29:20,408 - [engine revving] - Oh, now we’re talkin’. 743 00:29:20,606 --> 00:29:21,706 Oh, yeah. 744 00:29:21,706 --> 00:29:24,973 That’s the whole goddamn package right there. 745 00:29:25,545 --> 00:29:26,040 Howdy! 746 00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:28,482 I’m just... I’m auditioning Anchor Beings. 747 00:29:28,482 --> 00:29:32,343 Oh. Yeah, that’s gonna need some coconut oil. 748 00:29:33,751 --> 00:29:34,752 [grunts] 749 00:29:34,752 --> 00:29:36,017 [crow cawing] 750 00:29:36,017 --> 00:29:38,151 What in the fuck? 751 00:29:38,151 --> 00:29:40,494 [laughs] Are you okay? 752 00:29:40,494 --> 00:29:41,121 Oh, yes, yes. 753 00:29:41,121 --> 00:29:42,892 Classic John Byrne brown and tan. 754 00:29:42,892 --> 00:29:44,993 Now, you fought the Hulk in this outfit. No? 755 00:29:44,993 --> 00:29:47,864 - [deep growl] - [♪ song stops] 756 00:29:47,864 --> 00:29:49,998 I’m Marvel Jesus, you dull creature, 757 00:29:49,998 --> 00:29:50,735 and I will not-- [yells] 758 00:29:50,735 --> 00:29:53,331 - [Deadpool groans] - [♪ song resumes playing] 759 00:29:53,738 --> 00:29:55,707 [grunting] 760 00:29:57,676 --> 00:29:59,942 - [thunder rumbles] - [groaning] 761 00:29:59,942 --> 00:30:04,177 It’s not you. We’re just going in a different direction. 762 00:30:05,651 --> 00:30:06,718 [engine revving] 763 00:30:06,718 --> 00:30:07,488 You know, from behind, 764 00:30:07,488 --> 00:30:08,654 you look a little bit like Henry-- 765 00:30:08,654 --> 00:30:10,051 - Oh, my fuck! - [♪ song stops] 766 00:30:10,051 --> 00:30:13,153 The Cavillrine. The legends are true. 767 00:30:13,153 --> 00:30:16,728 And may I say, sir, on behalf of all humanity, 768 00:30:16,728 --> 00:30:18,466 this just feels right. 769 00:30:18,466 --> 00:30:19,863 We will treat you so much better 770 00:30:19,863 --> 00:30:21,161 than those shit fucks down the street. 771 00:30:21,161 --> 00:30:23,471 - You were just leavin’. - [Deadpool] No, sir. 772 00:30:23,471 --> 00:30:26,100 Not while the fate of my universe is at-- 773 00:30:27,838 --> 00:30:29,367 [man grunts] 774 00:30:29,367 --> 00:30:30,038 [choking] 775 00:30:30,038 --> 00:30:31,842 This one looks promising. 776 00:30:31,842 --> 00:30:33,679 Down you go. 777 00:30:34,548 --> 00:30:35,945 [Logan] Again. 778 00:30:35,945 --> 00:30:38,442 I told you. You’re not welcome here. 779 00:30:38,442 --> 00:30:39,817 You’re not welcome anywhere. 780 00:30:39,817 --> 00:30:40,785 Now get the fuck out of my bar. 781 00:30:40,785 --> 00:30:43,656 Just give me one more drink and then I’ll leave. 782 00:30:43,656 --> 00:30:45,449 [bartender] That’s not how it works. 783 00:30:45,449 --> 00:30:48,254 [Deadpool] It does now. Leave the bottle. 784 00:30:48,254 --> 00:30:49,189 I know you, bub? 785 00:30:49,189 --> 00:30:51,829 Nope. But I know you. 786 00:30:51,829 --> 00:30:53,963 Everybody knows me. 787 00:30:54,799 --> 00:30:56,031 I’m the Wolverine. 788 00:30:56,031 --> 00:30:57,736 Yes, you are. 789 00:30:57,736 --> 00:31:01,102 And I’m gonna need you to come with me right now. 790 00:31:01,432 --> 00:31:02,840 Look, lady, I’m not interested. 791 00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:04,644 Really gettin’ into your cups here. 792 00:31:04,644 --> 00:31:06,844 Why would I go with you? 793 00:31:07,141 --> 00:31:09,176 Because, unfortunately, 794 00:31:09,176 --> 00:31:09,781 I need you, 795 00:31:09,781 --> 00:31:15,017 and even more unfortunately, my entire world needs you. 796 00:31:15,017 --> 00:31:17,382 You two gonna fuck or fight? 797 00:31:20,528 --> 00:31:22,090 You gonna take that from him? 798 00:31:22,090 --> 00:31:23,157 - Yep. - [scoffs] 799 00:31:23,157 --> 00:31:25,456 I can tell you have a sort of don’t-get-too-close- 800 00:31:25,456 --> 00:31:27,601 I’ll-only-break-your-heart vibe going here, 801 00:31:27,601 --> 00:31:28,569 but every other Wolverine 802 00:31:28,569 --> 00:31:29,801 would’ve really hurt me by now. 803 00:31:29,801 --> 00:31:30,868 And I’m sort of on the tick-tick. 804 00:31:30,868 --> 00:31:32,672 - So, upsy-daisy. Here we go. - Whoa, whoa. 805 00:31:32,672 --> 00:31:33,904 - Up you go. - Hey, hey! 806 00:31:33,904 --> 00:31:35,774 I got you, big guy. 807 00:31:36,676 --> 00:31:38,073 Oh. 808 00:31:38,744 --> 00:31:39,613 Whiskey dick of the claws. 809 00:31:39,613 --> 00:31:41,648 It’s quite common in Wolverines over 40. 810 00:31:41,648 --> 00:31:42,374 You don’t want this. 811 00:31:42,374 --> 00:31:45,047 You’re right. I don’t. And you don’t want this. 812 00:31:45,047 --> 00:31:46,785 Unless you wanna take a deep breath 813 00:31:46,785 --> 00:31:48,083 through your fuckin’ forehead, 814 00:31:48,083 --> 00:31:50,448 I suggest you reconsider. 815 00:31:50,448 --> 00:31:52,153 Let’s go, peanut. 816 00:31:53,924 --> 00:31:55,827 [laughing] 817 00:31:55,827 --> 00:31:58,632 Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. 818 00:31:58,632 --> 00:32:00,161 Watch this. 819 00:32:00,491 --> 00:32:03,164 All right. That-- Whoa. 820 00:32:03,164 --> 00:32:04,803 Easy. 821 00:32:07,839 --> 00:32:08,807 Good God. 822 00:32:08,807 --> 00:32:11,909 Thirsty little honey badger, aren’t ya? 823 00:32:12,140 --> 00:32:13,504 It’s okay. Keep goin’. 824 00:32:13,504 --> 00:32:16,683 Audiences are accustomed to long run times. 825 00:32:17,046 --> 00:32:19,983 [grunts, groans] 826 00:32:19,983 --> 00:32:21,182 [body thuds] 827 00:32:21,182 --> 00:32:23,921 [sighs] Guess you’ll have to do. 828 00:32:23,921 --> 00:32:25,659 Okay, here we-- 829 00:32:25,857 --> 00:32:28,662 Oh! Look at those jammies. 830 00:32:28,662 --> 00:32:32,061 That only took 20 fucking years. 831 00:32:32,061 --> 00:32:34,558 One Anchor Being coming right up! 832 00:32:34,558 --> 00:32:36,868 On your left, baby girl. 833 00:32:36,868 --> 00:32:37,605 This Logan has the same 834 00:32:37,605 --> 00:32:39,838 he-can-do-anything- even-musicals look. 835 00:32:39,838 --> 00:32:42,038 And bonus, he’s actually wearing a costume 836 00:32:42,038 --> 00:32:43,468 like he’s not embarrassed to be 837 00:32:43,468 --> 00:32:45,041 in a superhero movie for once. 838 00:32:45,041 --> 00:32:46,537 I don’t understand. 839 00:32:46,537 --> 00:32:47,439 You said my universe is dying 840 00:32:47,439 --> 00:32:49,947 because this sack of nuts got himself killed. 841 00:32:49,947 --> 00:32:52,510 - Well, problem solved. - My God. 842 00:32:52,510 --> 00:32:57,691 You actually think you can replace an Anchor Being 843 00:32:57,691 --> 00:32:58,824 with this? 844 00:32:58,824 --> 00:33:01,959 I wouldn’t have accepted any other Wolverine, BT dubs. 845 00:33:01,959 --> 00:33:03,796 But you have outdone yourself 846 00:33:03,796 --> 00:33:06,062 and brought me the worst Wolverine! 847 00:33:06,062 --> 00:33:07,767 What do you mean, the worst one? 848 00:33:07,767 --> 00:33:08,702 Mr. Wilson. 849 00:33:08,702 --> 00:33:12,596 This Wolverine let down his entire world. 850 00:33:12,596 --> 00:33:15,676 He’s the stuff of legend, but not in a good way. 851 00:33:15,676 --> 00:33:17,040 And what he did, 852 00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:17,744 well, 853 00:33:17,744 --> 00:33:21,176 some things are just beyond forgiveness. 854 00:33:23,046 --> 00:33:23,541 Okay. 855 00:33:23,541 --> 00:33:26,786 How do I... How do I make this right? I’ll do anything. 856 00:33:26,786 --> 00:33:29,613 I gave you a chance at greatness. 857 00:33:29,613 --> 00:33:32,451 Because my superiors deemed you "special." 858 00:33:32,451 --> 00:33:34,255 Clearly not special in a good way. 859 00:33:34,255 --> 00:33:35,025 Apparently you have some 860 00:33:35,025 --> 00:33:37,522 important future purpose to serve. 861 00:33:37,522 --> 00:33:38,666 With Thor. He holds me. 862 00:33:38,666 --> 00:33:40,030 But I did my duty. 863 00:33:40,030 --> 00:33:42,197 I gave you the opportunity to be somebody. 864 00:33:42,197 --> 00:33:43,968 And instead of accepting my offering 865 00:33:43,968 --> 00:33:47,037 with humility and gratitude, you broke my nose. 866 00:33:47,037 --> 00:33:47,774 [sighs] It looks great. 867 00:33:47,774 --> 00:33:49,776 And you decimated dozens of my men 868 00:33:49,776 --> 00:33:51,107 with the exhumed corpse of a hero. 869 00:33:51,107 --> 00:33:53,945 Dishonoring not only his remains but his memory. 870 00:33:53,945 --> 00:33:55,441 What are you, the Internet? 871 00:33:55,441 --> 00:33:57,718 Your world is dying! 872 00:33:57,718 --> 00:33:58,983 Thank you very much. 873 00:33:58,983 --> 00:34:01,084 And there’s no stopping it. 874 00:34:02,118 --> 00:34:04,186 [muffled] The humane thing to do 875 00:34:04,186 --> 00:34:04,923 is to make it quick. 876 00:34:04,923 --> 00:34:07,222 Is the thought of vaporizing my universe 877 00:34:07,222 --> 00:34:08,520 making you peckish? 878 00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:09,257 I’m eating my feelings. 879 00:34:09,257 --> 00:34:10,698 I’m about to lose everything that I’ve ever cared about 880 00:34:10,698 --> 00:34:14,592 because that hairy thundercunt from down undercunt 881 00:34:14,592 --> 00:34:15,230 finally dies, 882 00:34:15,230 --> 00:34:17,771 and he’s standing right behind me, isn’t he? 883 00:34:17,771 --> 00:34:19,773 Welcome to the MCU, by the way. 884 00:34:19,773 --> 00:34:21,874 You’re joining at a bit of a low point. 885 00:34:21,874 --> 00:34:24,008 As for you, I wanna talk to your boss. 886 00:34:24,008 --> 00:34:25,471 I want you to get him on the phone 887 00:34:25,471 --> 00:34:27,506 and you tell him, her, or them, 888 00:34:27,506 --> 00:34:30,817 that Marvel H. Christ isn’t playing. 889 00:34:35,613 --> 00:34:37,120 Holy shit. 890 00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:38,726 I just heard a symphony 891 00:34:38,726 --> 00:34:41,190 of buttholes clenching all at once. 892 00:34:41,190 --> 00:34:41,795 You’re off grid. 893 00:34:41,795 --> 00:34:43,654 Your bosses don’t know what you sick fucks 894 00:34:43,654 --> 00:34:44,622 are doing down here. 895 00:34:44,622 --> 00:34:45,557 Well, I’ll tell you what. 896 00:34:45,557 --> 00:34:47,768 I have a black belt in Karen... 897 00:34:47,768 --> 00:34:48,692 And I’m gonna go upstairs 898 00:34:48,692 --> 00:34:52,135 and I’m gonna tell ’em all about you and your-- 899 00:34:52,135 --> 00:34:54,038 Oh, silence is nice, isn’t it? 900 00:34:54,038 --> 00:34:54,874 Where the fuck did he go? 901 00:34:54,874 --> 00:34:57,536 To the trash heap. You’ll fit right in. 902 00:34:57,536 --> 00:34:59,142 [growls] 903 00:34:59,142 --> 00:35:00,143 Whew. 904 00:35:00,143 --> 00:35:02,376 That was close. [chuckles] 905 00:35:04,785 --> 00:35:08,019 [muffled rhythmic thumping] 906 00:35:10,824 --> 00:35:13,827 [muffled footsteps thumping] 907 00:35:17,457 --> 00:35:19,195 [groaning] 908 00:35:21,967 --> 00:35:25,135 [Deadpool] Don’t just stand there, you ape. 909 00:35:25,135 --> 00:35:26,774 Give me a hand up. 910 00:35:26,774 --> 00:35:28,435 - [claws clang] - Nope. I’m actually okay. 911 00:35:28,435 --> 00:35:31,944 - Thank you very much. [groans] - [Wolverine grunting] 912 00:35:31,944 --> 00:35:33,044 [Wolverine] Where the hell are we? 913 00:35:33,044 --> 00:35:35,541 [Deadpool] I don’t know. Looks kind of Mad Max-y. 914 00:35:35,541 --> 00:35:38,115 But that would be IP infringement, right? 915 00:35:38,115 --> 00:35:39,017 Fucking jokes. 916 00:35:39,017 --> 00:35:41,151 - [grunts] - [Deadpool yelps] 917 00:35:41,151 --> 00:35:42,713 [bones crack] 918 00:35:42,713 --> 00:35:43,857 [Deadpool] Fuck! Fuck. 919 00:35:43,857 --> 00:35:45,089 Were you even listening back there? 920 00:35:45,089 --> 00:35:48,521 If we don’t make it back to that Mr. Paradox asshole, 921 00:35:48,521 --> 00:35:50,061 everyone I know is gonna die. 922 00:35:50,061 --> 00:35:51,931 Not my fuckin’ problem. 923 00:35:51,931 --> 00:35:53,427 Oh, is that all you got? 924 00:35:53,427 --> 00:35:56,804 Is that what you said when your world went to shit? 925 00:35:56,804 --> 00:35:59,433 [breathing heavily] Come again? 926 00:35:59,433 --> 00:36:01,435 Yeah, I heard all about you. 927 00:36:01,435 --> 00:36:03,602 How you screwed up everything. 928 00:36:03,602 --> 00:36:04,438 You should be thankin’ me 929 00:36:04,438 --> 00:36:06,143 for pulling you out of that bed you shit in. 930 00:36:06,143 --> 00:36:09,146 [groans] You back-stabbing son of a bitch! 931 00:36:09,146 --> 00:36:10,851 [yells] 932 00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:14,712 [shouts, groans] 933 00:36:14,712 --> 00:36:15,988 Are you ready to be calm now? 934 00:36:15,988 --> 00:36:18,859 - [grunts] - [Deadpool yelps] 935 00:36:21,224 --> 00:36:22,830 [groans] 936 00:36:23,193 --> 00:36:24,997 Rest in pieces, Fox. [grunts] 937 00:36:24,997 --> 00:36:28,627 [♪ tense song intro playing, AC/DC "Hells Bells"] 938 00:36:28,627 --> 00:36:30,970 [bird screeching] 939 00:36:40,210 --> 00:36:42,982 I don’t want to fight you, peanut. 940 00:36:43,147 --> 00:36:44,775 Doesn’t matter what you did. 941 00:36:44,775 --> 00:36:47,415 - I just need your help. - [grunts] 942 00:36:47,987 --> 00:36:50,352 I don’t fuckin’ care. 943 00:36:51,056 --> 00:36:52,959 Uh... Uh-oh. 944 00:36:52,959 --> 00:36:55,027 [breathes heavily] 945 00:36:58,195 --> 00:37:01,627 Fuck. This is gonna hurt. 946 00:37:05,070 --> 00:37:06,907 All right. 947 00:37:06,907 --> 00:37:07,732 Fuck it. 948 00:37:07,732 --> 00:37:09,701 Let’s give the people what they came for. 949 00:37:09,701 --> 00:37:13,573 - [♪ song stops] - Let’s fuckin’ go. 950 00:37:13,573 --> 00:37:16,048 Get your special sock out, nerds. 951 00:37:16,048 --> 00:37:18,776 It’s gonna get good. 952 00:37:18,952 --> 00:37:20,679 [grunts] 953 00:37:24,617 --> 00:37:27,191 [♪ hard rock music playing, AC/DC "Hells Bells"] 954 00:37:27,191 --> 00:37:28,852 [growls] 955 00:37:29,556 --> 00:37:31,360 [gunshots] 956 00:37:39,203 --> 00:37:41,337 [both grunting] 957 00:37:43,537 --> 00:37:44,945 [groans] 958 00:37:51,017 --> 00:37:51,677 [screams] 959 00:37:51,677 --> 00:37:54,284 ♪ Hell’s bells ♪ 960 00:37:54,922 --> 00:37:58,024 ♪ I’ll give you black sensations ♪ 961 00:37:58,024 --> 00:38:00,455 ♪ Up and down your spine ♪ 962 00:38:00,455 --> 00:38:03,964 ♪ If you’re into evil, you’re a friend of mine ♪ 963 00:38:03,964 --> 00:38:07,726 ♪ See my white light flashing as I split the night ♪ 964 00:38:07,726 --> 00:38:10,729 - [grunts, growls] - [Deadpool chuckles] Ew. 965 00:38:11,169 --> 00:38:11,631 Gotcha! 966 00:38:11,631 --> 00:38:15,404 ♪ I got my bell, I’m gonna take you to hell ♪ 967 00:38:15,404 --> 00:38:18,407 ♪ I’m gonna get you, Satan get you ♪ 968 00:38:18,407 --> 00:38:20,805 - Baby Knife! - [groans] 969 00:38:23,610 --> 00:38:25,084 - [screams] - Let’s see you grow 970 00:38:25,084 --> 00:38:25,810 your fuckin’ head back. 971 00:38:25,810 --> 00:38:27,746 Wait, wait, wait! I can fix it! I can fix it. 972 00:38:27,746 --> 00:38:30,991 - Fix what? - Whatever it is that you did. 973 00:38:30,991 --> 00:38:33,092 Whatever made you so bad. 974 00:38:33,092 --> 00:38:34,093 Those... Those 975 00:38:34,093 --> 00:38:37,525 pricks in the TVA. You heard him. 976 00:38:37,525 --> 00:38:38,724 They have the power to end my universe, 977 00:38:38,724 --> 00:38:43,267 but they also have the power to change yours. 978 00:38:43,630 --> 00:38:47,601 We get back there, and we can fix your world. 979 00:38:47,601 --> 00:38:49,273 Together. 980 00:38:50,043 --> 00:38:51,803 I promise. 981 00:38:52,672 --> 00:38:54,410 They can fix it. 982 00:38:55,015 --> 00:38:56,016 [man] Hey! 983 00:38:56,016 --> 00:38:58,150 We fight each other, we lose. 984 00:38:58,150 --> 00:38:59,514 [Deadpool] Dear God, it’s him. 985 00:38:59,514 --> 00:39:01,582 - Who? - [Deadpool] The one. 986 00:39:01,582 --> 00:39:04,519 The superhero equivalent to comfort food, or Molly. 987 00:39:04,519 --> 00:39:07,720 White guys’ answer to all the disappointments. 988 00:39:07,720 --> 00:39:09,095 And another A-lister. 989 00:39:09,095 --> 00:39:09,854 Fair warning, gorgeous. 990 00:39:09,854 --> 00:39:11,999 You’re going to encounter some indelicate language, 991 00:39:11,999 --> 00:39:15,002 a smidge of ass play, but we’ve been prohibited 992 00:39:15,002 --> 00:39:16,531 from using cocaine. On camera. 993 00:39:16,531 --> 00:39:18,665 - [man] They’re coming. - [Deadpool] Who’s "they"? 994 00:39:18,665 --> 00:39:22,372 - [engines revving] - [♪ menacing music playing] 995 00:39:25,870 --> 00:39:28,180 Oh, they’re driving angry. 996 00:39:32,745 --> 00:39:33,218 [grunts] 997 00:39:33,218 --> 00:39:34,978 Now that’s a superhero landing. 998 00:39:34,978 --> 00:39:38,124 [♪ menacing music continues] 999 00:39:40,951 --> 00:39:42,524 [♪ music stops] 1000 00:39:42,524 --> 00:39:43,393 I got this. 1001 00:39:43,393 --> 00:39:46,297 [♪ menacing music resumes] 1002 00:39:50,202 --> 00:39:51,797 [sniffs] 1003 00:39:55,900 --> 00:39:57,968 [engines revving] 1004 00:40:07,450 --> 00:40:08,451 Stay close. 1005 00:40:08,451 --> 00:40:10,387 [Deadpool] Aye, aye, Cap’n. 1006 00:40:11,124 --> 00:40:12,884 You got this. 1007 00:40:13,522 --> 00:40:18,692 Cassandra is gonna be giddy when she sees what we caught. 1008 00:40:18,956 --> 00:40:19,924 You can’t run. 1009 00:40:19,924 --> 00:40:20,859 Everybody knows that. 1010 00:40:20,859 --> 00:40:23,994 You see anyone runnin’, dick for brains? 1011 00:40:23,994 --> 00:40:25,501 You’re not gonna love what happens next. 1012 00:40:25,501 --> 00:40:27,866 - [Deadpool] Oh. Oh, my God. - [♪ rousing music playing] 1013 00:40:27,866 --> 00:40:30,539 Oh, my God. Oh, my God, he’s gonna say it. 1014 00:40:30,539 --> 00:40:31,606 - Ah! Fuck. - [Deadpool] Ha! 1015 00:40:31,606 --> 00:40:33,003 Oh, my God! He’s gonna say it! 1016 00:40:33,003 --> 00:40:34,774 - Say what? - Avengers, assemble... 1017 00:40:34,774 --> 00:40:37,216 - Flame on! - I’m sorry, what now? 1018 00:40:38,844 --> 00:40:41,814 [♪ epic music playing] 1019 00:40:52,693 --> 00:40:55,135 [groans, panting] 1020 00:40:56,136 --> 00:40:58,501 [screaming in distance] 1021 00:40:58,501 --> 00:41:00,107 - [clang] - Ohh! 1022 00:41:00,107 --> 00:41:01,471 Fuck! 1023 00:41:01,471 --> 00:41:02,901 Ahhh! 1024 00:41:03,066 --> 00:41:04,540 [grunts] 1025 00:41:04,540 --> 00:41:07,642 - We don’t know that guy. - [Deadpool] We thought we did. 1026 00:41:07,642 --> 00:41:09,116 I know you. 1027 00:41:09,116 --> 00:41:12,317 - [Deadpool] Holy sh-- - [Sabretooth snarls] 1028 00:41:12,548 --> 00:41:13,483 [growls] 1029 00:41:13,483 --> 00:41:14,880 Sabretooth. 1030 00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:16,651 Your brother. 1031 00:41:16,816 --> 00:41:17,916 Ready to die? 1032 00:41:17,916 --> 00:41:21,788 [Deadpool] Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Time! 1033 00:41:21,788 --> 00:41:22,987 You look ridiculous. 1034 00:41:22,987 --> 00:41:25,759 People have waited decades for this fight. 1035 00:41:25,759 --> 00:41:27,662 It’s not gonna be easy. Baby Knife. 1036 00:41:27,662 --> 00:41:29,763 Shoot the double, you take him down. 1037 00:41:29,763 --> 00:41:32,062 Side control, then full mount, 1038 00:41:32,062 --> 00:41:32,997 and you ground and pound 1039 00:41:32,997 --> 00:41:34,735 till he makes no sound because he’s dead. 1040 00:41:34,735 --> 00:41:36,902 - Shut the fuck up! - [Deadpool] Oh, my God! 1041 00:41:36,902 --> 00:41:39,641 Okay. Good luck. I’m a huge fan. 1042 00:41:39,641 --> 00:41:41,808 [breathing heavily] 1043 00:41:42,908 --> 00:41:44,349 [laughs] 1044 00:41:45,042 --> 00:41:48,320 [roars] 1045 00:41:51,158 --> 00:41:52,588 - [gurgling] - [Deadpool] What is it, girl? 1046 00:41:52,588 --> 00:41:55,789 - Is there trouble at the well? - [flesh squelching] 1047 00:41:59,892 --> 00:42:01,894 [laughs] Big trouble. 1048 00:42:01,894 --> 00:42:03,060 Behold! 1049 00:42:03,060 --> 00:42:06,833 The head of your precious queen, 1050 00:42:06,833 --> 00:42:08,241 Furiosa! 1051 00:42:08,670 --> 00:42:10,573 I have the Wolverine! 1052 00:42:10,573 --> 00:42:13,906 I alone control her! 1053 00:42:13,906 --> 00:42:16,139 You come for me, 1054 00:42:16,139 --> 00:42:19,285 you come for her. 1055 00:42:19,747 --> 00:42:21,683 So sorry. I know it’s pronounced "him." 1056 00:42:21,683 --> 00:42:24,191 I’m gender blind. It’s my cross to bear. 1057 00:42:24,191 --> 00:42:25,522 Who’s next? 1058 00:42:25,522 --> 00:42:26,853 - Toad! - [snarls] 1059 00:42:26,853 --> 00:42:28,657 You’re up. 1060 00:42:30,857 --> 00:42:32,023 [yells] 1061 00:42:32,023 --> 00:42:33,728 [both grunt] 1062 00:42:34,993 --> 00:42:35,895 [Deadpool] Uh-oh. 1063 00:42:35,895 --> 00:42:37,666 - Oh, holy sh-- - Fuck. 1064 00:42:37,666 --> 00:42:39,096 [thud] 1065 00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:42,407 [creatures squeaking] 1066 00:42:46,037 --> 00:42:48,644 [Deadpool groans, mumbles] 1067 00:42:48,644 --> 00:42:50,910 [Deadpool] God of Thunder. 1068 00:42:51,812 --> 00:42:53,649 [Deadpool grunts] 1069 00:42:54,012 --> 00:42:55,519 How long was I asleep? 1070 00:42:55,519 --> 00:42:56,949 Not all of you was asleep. 1071 00:42:56,949 --> 00:42:58,885 - [Deadpool grunts] - Don’t bother. 1072 00:42:58,885 --> 00:43:00,821 They’re very thorough. 1073 00:43:00,821 --> 00:43:04,055 If you know where we are, start talking. 1074 00:43:04,055 --> 00:43:05,661 You’re in The Void. 1075 00:43:05,661 --> 00:43:07,498 Think of it as purgatory. 1076 00:43:07,498 --> 00:43:10,094 Reed called it a metaphysical junkyard. 1077 00:43:10,094 --> 00:43:11,469 Where anything useless goes 1078 00:43:11,469 --> 00:43:13,471 before it gets annihilated forever. 1079 00:43:13,471 --> 00:43:16,606 And where the TVA sends people that don’t play nice 1080 00:43:16,606 --> 00:43:18,036 with the rest of the multiverse. 1081 00:43:18,036 --> 00:43:19,444 - Like you? - And you. 1082 00:43:19,444 --> 00:43:22,040 [Deadpool] What does the annihilating? 1083 00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:22,612 Alioth. 1084 00:43:22,612 --> 00:43:24,009 [Deadpool] Alioth is in this thing? 1085 00:43:24,009 --> 00:43:26,011 From Loki, Season 1, Episode 5? 1086 00:43:26,011 --> 00:43:29,179 Everyone here is on the run from Alioth. 1087 00:43:29,179 --> 00:43:30,719 Most don’t make it. 1088 00:43:30,719 --> 00:43:32,490 There’s a resistance, though. 1089 00:43:32,490 --> 00:43:35,592 Other people like us that managed to survive. 1090 00:43:35,592 --> 00:43:36,956 They’re hidin’ out in the borderlands, 1091 00:43:36,956 --> 00:43:39,893 trying to find a way the fuck outta here. 1092 00:43:39,893 --> 00:43:41,158 Then that’s where we go. 1093 00:43:41,158 --> 00:43:42,995 [Deadpool] "We"? Us? A team? 1094 00:43:42,995 --> 00:43:45,932 The answer is yes. Shake on it. 1095 00:43:45,932 --> 00:43:46,702 Fuck! You nicked it. 1096 00:43:46,702 --> 00:43:48,704 Just got the tip with your little steak knife. 1097 00:43:48,704 --> 00:43:51,476 These "others" can help us get back to the TVA. 1098 00:43:51,476 --> 00:43:52,510 Make ’em fix things. 1099 00:43:52,510 --> 00:43:54,710 [laughs sardonically] 1100 00:43:54,710 --> 00:43:55,810 Something funny, bub? 1101 00:43:55,810 --> 00:43:58,175 She might have somethin’ to say about that. 1102 00:43:58,175 --> 00:43:59,979 Who’s "she"? 1103 00:44:00,716 --> 00:44:01,651 In The Void, 1104 00:44:01,651 --> 00:44:04,181 you’re either food for Alioth 1105 00:44:04,181 --> 00:44:06,018 or you work for her. 1106 00:44:06,018 --> 00:44:09,120 [♪ stirring music playing] 1107 00:44:18,437 --> 00:44:20,065 [engine roars] 1108 00:44:27,974 --> 00:44:29,877 [metal creaking] 1109 00:44:29,976 --> 00:44:32,110 [heavy metallic thud] 1110 00:44:39,018 --> 00:44:41,218 [engine roaring] 1111 00:44:51,536 --> 00:44:54,671 [♪ tense music playing] 1112 00:45:03,240 --> 00:45:04,615 [grunts] 1113 00:45:04,615 --> 00:45:06,309 [growls quietly] 1114 00:45:06,716 --> 00:45:08,113 [grunts] 1115 00:45:18,156 --> 00:45:21,192 [Deadpool] Huh. Paul Rudd finally aged. 1116 00:45:21,192 --> 00:45:22,864 Oh, you must be this year’s Juggernaut. 1117 00:45:22,864 --> 00:45:24,965 - Thank you. - I’d keep your voices down. 1118 00:45:24,965 --> 00:45:26,505 She don’t like the chatter. 1119 00:45:26,505 --> 00:45:28,408 She’s gonna love you. 1120 00:45:28,738 --> 00:45:32,005 [♪ slow dramatic music building] 1121 00:45:43,456 --> 00:45:45,491 [Deadpool] Is it... Is that Charles? 1122 00:45:45,491 --> 00:45:47,922 Hey... Hey, Chuck! It’s us! 1123 00:45:47,922 --> 00:45:49,429 That’s not Chuck. 1124 00:45:49,429 --> 00:45:51,123 Ah, shit. 1125 00:45:51,662 --> 00:45:52,696 [Deadpool] Oh, ableism. Great. 1126 00:45:52,696 --> 00:45:55,996 That’s not gonna go over well with the woke mob. 1127 00:45:55,996 --> 00:45:57,602 A Wolverine. 1128 00:45:57,602 --> 00:46:00,968 I wondered when I’d get one of you. 1129 00:46:00,968 --> 00:46:01,771 You’re one of Xavier’s. 1130 00:46:01,771 --> 00:46:04,070 [Deadpool] You-You know him? You know Chuck? 1131 00:46:04,070 --> 00:46:05,478 Oh, I knew him. 1132 00:46:05,478 --> 00:46:06,413 We shared a womb. 1133 00:46:06,413 --> 00:46:09,075 Tried to strangle the sly little fellow 1134 00:46:09,075 --> 00:46:09,812 with my umbilical cord. 1135 00:46:09,812 --> 00:46:13,882 [Deadpool] Amen. I’ve never loved roommates. Mine’s blind. 1136 00:46:13,882 --> 00:46:15,719 Except she can see cocaine. 1137 00:46:15,719 --> 00:46:16,522 For some... reason. 1138 00:46:16,522 --> 00:46:20,493 You want to chime in, Your Majesty? I’m dying here. 1139 00:46:20,493 --> 00:46:21,087 Who are you? 1140 00:46:21,087 --> 00:46:24,090 Charles Xavier’s twin, Cassandra Nova. 1141 00:46:24,090 --> 00:46:26,026 - Bullshit! - I was an anal birth. 1142 00:46:26,026 --> 00:46:28,468 Hmm. You two are cute. 1143 00:46:28,468 --> 00:46:31,031 I have a good feeling about this. 1144 00:46:33,033 --> 00:46:34,166 And I’ve been trying to catch 1145 00:46:34,166 --> 00:46:37,070 this little firefly for years. 1146 00:46:37,070 --> 00:46:38,137 Haven’t I, Johnny? 1147 00:46:38,137 --> 00:46:41,679 Aw... You picked the wrong time to make new friends. 1148 00:46:41,679 --> 00:46:44,077 [Deadpool] Oh, Johnny told us all about you. 1149 00:46:44,077 --> 00:46:45,815 - Maybe shut up now. - Yeah, maybe don’t-- 1150 00:46:45,815 --> 00:46:47,212 [Deadpool] We’re just talkin’ here. 1151 00:46:47,212 --> 00:46:47,949 Yeah, Johnny told us 1152 00:46:47,949 --> 00:46:49,786 you’re a psychotic megalomaniacal asshole. 1153 00:46:49,786 --> 00:46:54,890 His words, not mine. Hellbent on domination and pain. 1154 00:46:55,055 --> 00:46:56,826 You said all that about me? 1155 00:46:56,826 --> 00:46:57,827 No! No! I don’t... 1156 00:46:57,827 --> 00:47:01,391 - I didn’t say any of that! - Sticks and stones, Johnny! 1157 00:47:02,062 --> 00:47:03,932 Don’t let her intimidate you. 1158 00:47:03,932 --> 00:47:05,835 It’s like you said in the convoy. 1159 00:47:05,835 --> 00:47:07,672 This finger-lickin’ dead-inside 1160 00:47:07,672 --> 00:47:10,675 pixie slab of third rate dime-store nut-milk 1161 00:47:10,675 --> 00:47:12,545 can eat your delicious cinnamon ring 1162 00:47:12,545 --> 00:47:14,646 and kick rocks all the way to bald hell. 1163 00:47:14,646 --> 00:47:16,582 Okay. I have never said any of those words 1164 00:47:16,582 --> 00:47:19,046 - in my entire life! - [Deadpool] Ha! The modesty. 1165 00:47:19,046 --> 00:47:21,521 People think I’m a shit talker. 1166 00:47:21,521 --> 00:47:22,489 But this guy... 1167 00:47:22,489 --> 00:47:23,655 [smooches] Next level. 1168 00:47:23,655 --> 00:47:25,382 What? This... I... We... 1169 00:47:25,382 --> 00:47:26,724 I don’t even know what half of that means! 1170 00:47:26,724 --> 00:47:28,858 - This... I... - My hat’s off to you, sir. 1171 00:47:28,858 --> 00:47:29,727 - Truly. - What? This... 1172 00:47:29,727 --> 00:47:32,125 I didn’t... He’s... That’s... I... 1173 00:47:32,125 --> 00:47:33,390 I... I don’t-- 1174 00:47:33,390 --> 00:47:36,228 - [Deadpool gasps] - [heart beats] 1175 00:47:38,362 --> 00:47:39,737 [Deadpool] Not my favorite Chris. 1176 00:47:39,737 --> 00:47:40,969 You stupid piece of shit. 1177 00:47:40,969 --> 00:47:42,003 You just got him fucking killed! 1178 00:47:42,003 --> 00:47:43,642 [Deadpool] Hey! We’re all grieving! 1179 00:47:43,642 --> 00:47:46,711 PS, do you know what he was doing to the budget? 1180 00:47:46,711 --> 00:47:48,405 [shushing] 1181 00:47:49,076 --> 00:47:51,144 Alioth is hungry. 1182 00:47:51,144 --> 00:47:52,981 [Deadpool] There’s been some kind of mistake. 1183 00:47:52,981 --> 00:47:54,851 Big yellow is a back-up Anchor Being, 1184 00:47:54,851 --> 00:47:57,920 and I’m Marvel Jesus. MJ, if you’re nasty. 1185 00:47:57,920 --> 00:47:58,756 This may be hard to hear, 1186 00:47:58,756 --> 00:48:00,483 but there’s another British villain 1187 00:48:00,483 --> 00:48:01,957 who’s gonna destroy my universe, 1188 00:48:01,957 --> 00:48:02,727 and I’m gonna stop him. 1189 00:48:02,727 --> 00:48:04,564 Oh, honey, you don’t really strike me 1190 00:48:04,564 --> 00:48:06,929 as the world-saving type. 1191 00:48:06,929 --> 00:48:08,700 [thunder rumbling in distance] 1192 00:48:08,700 --> 00:48:09,998 Did I hit a nerve? 1193 00:48:09,998 --> 00:48:12,902 [Deadpool] I didn’t want it to come to this. 1194 00:48:12,902 --> 00:48:13,606 Either you help us 1195 00:48:13,606 --> 00:48:14,871 or my friend here is gonna sing 1196 00:48:14,871 --> 00:48:17,170 the entire second act of Music Man 1197 00:48:17,170 --> 00:48:18,974 with zero warm-up. 1198 00:48:18,974 --> 00:48:20,008 Where’d you get the chair? 1199 00:48:20,008 --> 00:48:21,108 [Cassandra Nova] Well, once in a while, 1200 00:48:21,108 --> 00:48:23,506 I do get a Charles through here. 1201 00:48:23,506 --> 00:48:24,782 Never mine, though. 1202 00:48:24,782 --> 00:48:27,587 No. He didn’t care to find me. 1203 00:48:27,587 --> 00:48:30,986 [Deadpool groans] Gen Z and their trauma-bragging! 1204 00:48:30,986 --> 00:48:34,561 Can’t you just stuff it down, turn it into accomplishment 1205 00:48:34,561 --> 00:48:36,156 or cancer like the rest of us? 1206 00:48:36,156 --> 00:48:38,092 But I’m not like the rest of you. 1207 00:48:38,092 --> 00:48:39,698 Except maybe the Wolverine. 1208 00:48:39,698 --> 00:48:42,833 Now, we could be truly terrifying together. 1209 00:48:42,833 --> 00:48:43,999 You’re that scary, huh? 1210 00:48:43,999 --> 00:48:46,067 The TVA certainly thought so. 1211 00:48:46,067 --> 00:48:48,806 They sent me here before I could walk. 1212 00:48:48,806 --> 00:48:50,577 And you know, it’s the best thing 1213 00:48:50,577 --> 00:48:52,612 that ever happened to me. 1214 00:48:52,612 --> 00:48:53,206 I love it here. 1215 00:48:53,206 --> 00:48:54,372 [Deadpool] You live in a garbage dump. 1216 00:48:54,372 --> 00:48:58,145 I think we both know who lives in the garbage dump. 1217 00:48:58,145 --> 00:48:59,619 The Void is a paradise. 1218 00:48:59,619 --> 00:49:03,722 I can wield my power here without shame. 1219 00:49:03,722 --> 00:49:06,153 Unfortunately I had no Charles Xavier 1220 00:49:06,153 --> 00:49:08,155 to teach me temperance. 1221 00:49:08,155 --> 00:49:10,157 What about your Charles? 1222 00:49:10,157 --> 00:49:11,994 Did he protect you? 1223 00:49:11,994 --> 00:49:13,996 Did he make you feel safe? 1224 00:49:13,996 --> 00:49:15,965 We’re mutants. We’re never safe. 1225 00:49:15,965 --> 00:49:19,133 - [roars] - [Cassandra whoops] 1226 00:49:19,133 --> 00:49:20,805 [chuckles] 1227 00:49:20,805 --> 00:49:22,268 [whoops] 1228 00:49:23,841 --> 00:49:25,073 [Deadpool] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 1229 00:49:25,073 --> 00:49:26,877 I don’t... I don’t want the smoke. 1230 00:49:26,877 --> 00:49:28,043 I don’t have any beef with you. 1231 00:49:28,043 --> 00:49:29,880 I just want to save my friends. 1232 00:49:29,880 --> 00:49:30,815 I just... I want to go home. 1233 00:49:30,815 --> 00:49:32,982 Well, the thing is, I could get you home. 1234 00:49:32,982 --> 00:49:34,687 - Good. - But I don’t want to. 1235 00:49:34,687 --> 00:49:37,921 [Deadpool] Not good. [groaning] 1236 00:49:39,483 --> 00:49:41,584 What do you want, Wade Wilson? 1237 00:49:41,584 --> 00:49:44,730 [Deadpool straining] Your... fingers are inside me, 1238 00:49:44,730 --> 00:49:45,489 but not in a good way. 1239 00:49:45,489 --> 00:49:48,833 My brother could enter one’s mind with a thought. 1240 00:49:48,833 --> 00:49:51,000 I have to get my hands dirty. 1241 00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:54,300 - [Deadpool groaning] - [shushing] 1242 00:49:54,465 --> 00:49:56,302 I’ve got you. 1243 00:49:57,809 --> 00:50:00,042 [whispers] I’ve got you... 1244 00:50:01,406 --> 00:50:03,683 [Wade, muffled] What do you mean? 1245 00:50:04,079 --> 00:50:07,654 I can’t... I can’t reach you. You’re not here. 1246 00:50:07,654 --> 00:50:08,688 I’m right here. 1247 00:50:08,688 --> 00:50:11,856 - No, you’re not. I can’t... - I’m right here. 1248 00:50:11,856 --> 00:50:15,090 Then show me. You got to do something. 1249 00:50:15,761 --> 00:50:16,520 Show you what? 1250 00:50:16,520 --> 00:50:20,326 Show me you care about something bigger than you. 1251 00:50:20,326 --> 00:50:25,562 Ever since they turned you down, you took a knee. 1252 00:50:25,562 --> 00:50:28,334 Baby, you never got back up. 1253 00:50:29,467 --> 00:50:31,568 I know you’re going through something. 1254 00:50:31,568 --> 00:50:33,845 Let me go through it with you. 1255 00:50:33,845 --> 00:50:37,717 - Your crazy matches my crazy. - Your crazy matches my crazy. 1256 00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:42,084 Where’d you go? 1257 00:50:42,084 --> 00:50:44,185 [Wade] Oh, my God. 1258 00:50:44,614 --> 00:50:46,484 [♪ melancholy music playing] 1259 00:50:46,484 --> 00:50:48,860 You just say it. Okay? 1260 00:50:48,860 --> 00:50:49,894 Say, "I don’t want you. 1261 00:50:49,894 --> 00:50:51,830 "I don’t want to be with you." 1262 00:50:51,830 --> 00:50:53,590 Go ahead. Say it. Say... Say, "I don’t..." 1263 00:50:53,590 --> 00:50:54,932 Say it. You don’t wanna be with me. 1264 00:50:54,932 --> 00:50:56,769 Tell me that and I’ll walk away. 1265 00:50:56,769 --> 00:50:57,660 Say, "I don’t want you." 1266 00:50:57,660 --> 00:51:00,938 [♪ melancholy music continues] 1267 00:51:04,238 --> 00:51:05,668 [sighs] Fuck... 1268 00:51:05,668 --> 00:51:09,111 You’ll never fucking matter. 1269 00:51:12,576 --> 00:51:13,643 What? 1270 00:51:13,643 --> 00:51:16,756 - You’ll never fucking matter. - Fucking matter. 1271 00:51:16,756 --> 00:51:20,056 [♪ melancholy music continues] 1272 00:51:22,322 --> 00:51:25,490 - [Vanessa] You’ll... - [Cassandra] You’ll... 1273 00:51:25,490 --> 00:51:27,360 - never... - never... 1274 00:51:27,360 --> 00:51:28,658 - fucking... - fucking... 1275 00:51:28,658 --> 00:51:32,332 - matter. - matter... 1276 00:51:33,399 --> 00:51:34,906 [Deadpool] She never said that. 1277 00:51:34,906 --> 00:51:35,808 - [Cassandra] No. - [groans] 1278 00:51:35,808 --> 00:51:38,173 [in mocking tone] But I bet she thought it. 1279 00:51:38,173 --> 00:51:38,910 [Deadpool splutters] 1280 00:51:38,910 --> 00:51:41,638 [Deadpool groans] You are so mean! 1281 00:51:41,638 --> 00:51:43,079 My brain could taste your fingers, 1282 00:51:43,079 --> 00:51:44,751 and they tasted like hate! 1283 00:51:44,751 --> 00:51:47,952 And where in God’s name is the intimacy coordinator? 1284 00:51:47,952 --> 00:51:50,757 You’re so lost, Mr. Wilson. 1285 00:51:50,757 --> 00:51:53,991 And long before you came here. 1286 00:51:54,717 --> 00:51:55,454 This is Baby Knife. 1287 00:51:55,454 --> 00:51:57,093 She’s gonna fuck you in the face now. 1288 00:51:57,093 --> 00:51:57,863 If you want to kill me, 1289 00:51:57,863 --> 00:52:00,129 it’s going to take more than a little blade. 1290 00:52:00,129 --> 00:52:01,658 [Deadpool] How about six? 1291 00:52:01,658 --> 00:52:05,838 [laughs mockingly] My boy’s wicked strong. 1292 00:52:05,838 --> 00:52:07,565 That’s my big boy. 1293 00:52:07,565 --> 00:52:09,237 Yes, you are. 1294 00:52:09,237 --> 00:52:10,909 [groans] 1295 00:52:11,173 --> 00:52:12,779 [laughs] 1296 00:52:14,671 --> 00:52:15,980 [Cassandra] Well, this has been fun. 1297 00:52:15,980 --> 00:52:18,576 But the big guy needs to eat, and the rent is due. 1298 00:52:18,576 --> 00:52:21,315 - [eerie roar] - [thunder roaring] 1299 00:52:22,448 --> 00:52:23,515 By the way, 1300 00:52:23,515 --> 00:52:25,022 you’re the rent. 1301 00:52:25,022 --> 00:52:27,717 [rumbling] 1302 00:52:35,032 --> 00:52:36,759 [roars] 1303 00:52:39,432 --> 00:52:41,137 [henchmen screaming] 1304 00:52:43,634 --> 00:52:46,505 - [electrical whine] - Come on! Fuck! 1305 00:52:46,505 --> 00:52:48,078 - [engine starts] - You comin’ or what? 1306 00:52:48,078 --> 00:52:49,915 [Deadpool] Coming! 1307 00:52:59,155 --> 00:53:02,323 [engine sputtering in distance] 1308 00:53:03,995 --> 00:53:06,657 - [distant scream] - [engine bursts] 1309 00:53:06,657 --> 00:53:07,999 [grunting] 1310 00:53:07,999 --> 00:53:09,198 [both groan] 1311 00:53:09,198 --> 00:53:09,968 What you thinkin’ ’bout? 1312 00:53:09,968 --> 00:53:11,563 - Get the fuck off of me! - Shh, shh, shh. 1313 00:53:11,563 --> 00:53:13,697 - [strains] Almost done. - Almost done what? 1314 00:53:13,697 --> 00:53:15,908 Getting my knife out of your buttocks, 1315 00:53:15,908 --> 00:53:17,668 - pervert! - Aah! Fuck! 1316 00:53:17,668 --> 00:53:19,406 Get your mind out of my pants! 1317 00:53:19,406 --> 00:53:22,574 - I’m telling Blake. - New rules. 1318 00:53:22,574 --> 00:53:23,179 I talk now. 1319 00:53:23,179 --> 00:53:24,950 That’s gonna be very hard on the audience. 1320 00:53:24,950 --> 00:53:27,513 Shut the fuck up! 1321 00:53:27,513 --> 00:53:28,283 Let me fuckin’ think. 1322 00:53:28,283 --> 00:53:31,319 Now we gotta get back to Paradox, right? 1323 00:53:32,815 --> 00:53:33,585 Right? 1324 00:53:33,585 --> 00:53:36,489 Je m’excuse. Am I allowed to speak now or-- 1325 00:53:36,489 --> 00:53:39,393 Just nod, asshole. 1326 00:53:40,625 --> 00:53:41,131 Right. 1327 00:53:41,131 --> 00:53:42,462 Then we find the others that poor kid, Johnny, 1328 00:53:42,462 --> 00:53:43,903 was talking about before you got him killed! 1329 00:53:43,903 --> 00:53:45,795 [Deadpool] "Poor kid." He’s, like, 50! 1330 00:53:45,795 --> 00:53:46,829 Yeah, if there’s a chance they know 1331 00:53:46,829 --> 00:53:48,402 how to get out of here, we find ’em. 1332 00:53:48,402 --> 00:53:50,734 And make those TVA fuckers fix my shit 1333 00:53:50,734 --> 00:53:52,076 like you fucking promised! 1334 00:53:52,076 --> 00:53:53,836 [Deadpool] I smell quest. 1335 00:53:53,836 --> 00:53:55,838 [sniffing] 1336 00:53:56,542 --> 00:53:58,115 I smell food. 1337 00:53:59,842 --> 00:54:04,924 So what made you finally wear an honest-to-God costume? 1338 00:54:05,386 --> 00:54:07,421 Mine’s red so they can’t see me bleed. 1339 00:54:07,421 --> 00:54:10,556 But I could see how yellow would be useful too. 1340 00:54:10,556 --> 00:54:12,789 Have you been checked for ADHD? 1341 00:54:12,789 --> 00:54:13,757 Mm-mm. 1342 00:54:13,757 --> 00:54:15,693 But I’ve had several STDs, 1343 00:54:15,693 --> 00:54:18,432 which were probably caused by ADHD. 1344 00:54:18,432 --> 00:54:19,939 Fuck! 1345 00:54:20,071 --> 00:54:22,007 What are you looking for? 1346 00:54:22,007 --> 00:54:23,976 Oh. Thank fuck. 1347 00:54:23,976 --> 00:54:25,945 No, no, no, no, no. That’s rubbing alcohol. 1348 00:54:25,945 --> 00:54:27,705 You don’t want to drink-- Oh, yeah. 1349 00:54:27,705 --> 00:54:29,839 There you go. Fuck that liver. 1350 00:54:29,839 --> 00:54:30,675 [exhales] 1351 00:54:30,675 --> 00:54:33,282 - Good. Okay. - [sighs] 1352 00:54:33,645 --> 00:54:35,416 What the fuck are those? 1353 00:54:35,647 --> 00:54:36,120 Oh. 1354 00:54:36,120 --> 00:54:38,122 Back in civilian life, I wear a toupee, 1355 00:54:38,122 --> 00:54:40,157 but nobody knows. [chuckles] 1356 00:54:40,157 --> 00:54:41,928 [laughing] 1357 00:54:42,522 --> 00:54:44,656 Everybody knows. 1358 00:54:46,097 --> 00:54:47,461 Wanna talk about what’s haunting you, 1359 00:54:47,461 --> 00:54:50,266 or should we wait for a third act flashback? 1360 00:54:50,266 --> 00:54:53,038 Ah... Go fuck yourself. 1361 00:54:55,766 --> 00:54:57,306 You know... 1362 00:54:57,834 --> 00:55:01,211 in my world, you’re... [clears throat] 1363 00:55:01,739 --> 00:55:03,015 You’re well regarded. 1364 00:55:03,015 --> 00:55:05,281 Yeah, well, not in mine. 1365 00:55:05,281 --> 00:55:07,679 They don’t like me much in mine either. 1366 00:55:07,679 --> 00:55:08,614 You don’t say. 1367 00:55:08,614 --> 00:55:11,683 I wanted to be something, you know. I... 1368 00:55:11,683 --> 00:55:13,553 Shit, I wanted to be an Avenger. 1369 00:55:13,553 --> 00:55:15,489 - Fuck the Avengers. - Yeah. 1370 00:55:15,489 --> 00:55:19,097 I didn’t make the cut, though. Same with the X-Men... 1371 00:55:20,164 --> 00:55:21,033 When my girlfriend left me, 1372 00:55:21,033 --> 00:55:23,596 - and I just-- - You had a girlfriend? 1373 00:55:23,596 --> 00:55:25,070 Yeah. 1374 00:55:25,070 --> 00:55:26,038 Vanessa. 1375 00:55:26,038 --> 00:55:28,403 When we met, she was a dancer. 1376 00:55:28,898 --> 00:55:30,768 We had a whole life. 1377 00:55:31,472 --> 00:55:32,803 It was good. 1378 00:55:32,803 --> 00:55:35,839 But, oh, boy, I just... Mwah. 1379 00:55:36,213 --> 00:55:38,710 Fucked that right up. 1380 00:55:39,018 --> 00:55:39,942 But you, 1381 00:55:39,942 --> 00:55:40,877 you were an X-Man. 1382 00:55:40,877 --> 00:55:44,023 Fuck that. You were the X-Man. You... 1383 00:55:45,189 --> 00:55:47,092 The Wolverine. 1384 00:55:48,621 --> 00:55:51,030 He was a hero in my world. 1385 00:55:52,229 --> 00:55:53,956 Yeah, well... 1386 00:55:54,429 --> 00:55:56,266 he ain’t shit in mine. 1387 00:56:00,567 --> 00:56:04,307 You said, "Logan was a hero." What happened? 1388 00:56:04,802 --> 00:56:06,210 He died. 1389 00:56:06,474 --> 00:56:06,936 How? 1390 00:56:06,936 --> 00:56:09,873 Well, technically, you were chest-fucked by a tree, but, 1391 00:56:09,873 --> 00:56:11,776 really, you just ran out of batteries 1392 00:56:11,776 --> 00:56:13,877 - trying to save someone. - Who? 1393 00:56:13,877 --> 00:56:16,088 The shitheels that grew her in a lab 1394 00:56:16,088 --> 00:56:18,387 called her "X-23." But... 1395 00:56:18,519 --> 00:56:19,619 she was just a kid. 1396 00:56:19,619 --> 00:56:23,788 A younger, daintier, somehow meaner version of you. 1397 00:56:23,788 --> 00:56:25,757 You died trying to save her. 1398 00:56:25,757 --> 00:56:26,725 It was beautiful. 1399 00:56:26,725 --> 00:56:29,662 Look, mijo, I know you’re hurtin’. 1400 00:56:29,662 --> 00:56:31,928 My blind, elderly, African-American roommate, 1401 00:56:31,928 --> 00:56:35,437 Blind Al, always says that pain teaches us who we are. 1402 00:56:35,437 --> 00:56:37,472 Sometimes we need to listen to that pain 1403 00:56:37,472 --> 00:56:38,374 instead of running from it. 1404 00:56:38,374 --> 00:56:39,738 - Holy shit. - Yeah, she’s wise. 1405 00:56:39,738 --> 00:56:43,005 No, no, no. That’s her name? You call her "Blind Al"? 1406 00:56:43,005 --> 00:56:44,710 Well, she’s blind. 1407 00:56:44,710 --> 00:56:45,348 [dog barking] 1408 00:56:45,348 --> 00:56:49,649 [♪ ballad music plays, Chris de Burgh "The Lady in Red"] 1409 00:56:54,918 --> 00:56:59,560 ♪ I’ve never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight ♪ 1410 00:56:59,560 --> 00:57:06,798 ♪ I’ve never seen you shine so bright, mm-hmm, hmm ♪ 1411 00:57:06,798 --> 00:57:11,407 ♪ The lady in red ♪ 1412 00:57:12,738 --> 00:57:16,643 ♪ Is dancing with me ♪ 1413 00:57:16,940 --> 00:57:18,909 ♪ Cheek to cheek ♪ 1414 00:57:18,909 --> 00:57:21,813 ♪ There’s nobody here...♪ 1415 00:57:21,813 --> 00:57:22,979 Look at you! 1416 00:57:22,979 --> 00:57:23,749 She’s coming with us. 1417 00:57:23,749 --> 00:57:25,883 - No, she’s not. Fuck no! - Oh, yes, she is. 1418 00:57:25,883 --> 00:57:27,049 - Oh, yes-- - [man] Sorry! 1419 00:57:27,049 --> 00:57:30,129 - [♪ song stops] - Sorry about that! 1420 00:57:30,129 --> 00:57:32,659 Come here, girl! [chuckles] 1421 00:57:32,659 --> 00:57:33,825 Who are you? 1422 00:57:33,825 --> 00:57:34,826 Oh, I’m Deadpool. 1423 00:57:34,826 --> 00:57:36,465 And I guess you’re Deadpool too. 1424 00:57:36,465 --> 00:57:38,533 But in here, everybody calls me "Nicepool." 1425 00:57:38,533 --> 00:57:40,898 Oh, my goodness. Wait till you see Ladypool. 1426 00:57:40,898 --> 00:57:41,668 She is gorgeous. 1427 00:57:41,668 --> 00:57:44,473 She just had a baby too. And... [blows sharply] 1428 00:57:44,473 --> 00:57:45,067 Can’t even tell. 1429 00:57:45,067 --> 00:57:46,937 I don’t think you’re supposed to say that. 1430 00:57:46,937 --> 00:57:48,180 That’s okay. 1431 00:57:48,180 --> 00:57:50,149 I identify as a feminist. 1432 00:57:50,149 --> 00:57:51,777 Right. 1433 00:57:52,712 --> 00:57:53,746 Are those gold-plated, 1434 00:57:53,746 --> 00:57:56,518 ...50 caliber Desert Eagle pistoleros? 1435 00:57:56,518 --> 00:57:57,288 ’Course. 1436 00:57:57,288 --> 00:57:58,784 To match my ear huggie. 1437 00:57:58,784 --> 00:57:59,851 Can I have ’em? 1438 00:57:59,851 --> 00:58:01,886 [laughs] Over my dead body. 1439 00:58:01,886 --> 00:58:02,656 [chuckles] You’re fun. 1440 00:58:02,656 --> 00:58:05,824 And I guess you’ve already met Mary Puppins. 1441 00:58:05,824 --> 00:58:07,056 AKA Dogpool. 1442 00:58:07,056 --> 00:58:08,167 Careful where you put your hands. 1443 00:58:08,167 --> 00:58:10,829 She’s ninety percent g-spot, and she’ll let you know it. 1444 00:58:10,829 --> 00:58:14,965 You let this little flirt out of your sight for one second 1445 00:58:14,965 --> 00:58:17,143 and she starts shopping for a new papa. 1446 00:58:17,143 --> 00:58:19,035 If you can’t be a responsible pet owner, 1447 00:58:19,035 --> 00:58:22,071 then maybe you don’t deserve this little unicorn. 1448 00:58:22,071 --> 00:58:24,711 Guilty on all charges, Your Honor. 1449 00:58:24,711 --> 00:58:25,778 Shan’t happen again. 1450 00:58:25,778 --> 00:58:26,944 Why are you so nice? 1451 00:58:26,944 --> 00:58:28,550 Oh, it costs nothing to be kind. 1452 00:58:28,550 --> 00:58:30,519 Shutting the fuck up is also free. 1453 00:58:30,519 --> 00:58:32,224 - Caliente. - This is Logan. 1454 00:58:32,224 --> 00:58:32,950 He’s usually shirtless, 1455 00:58:32,950 --> 00:58:35,953 but he’s let himself go since the divorce. 1456 00:58:36,591 --> 00:58:38,857 Where’s your mask? 1457 00:58:40,826 --> 00:58:41,662 Come on, guys. 1458 00:58:41,662 --> 00:58:43,433 [bird screeches in distance] 1459 00:58:43,433 --> 00:58:44,060 Ugh, this guy. 1460 00:58:44,060 --> 00:58:45,864 We’re looking for a group of survivors. 1461 00:58:45,864 --> 00:58:46,700 Oh, they’re out there. 1462 00:58:46,700 --> 00:58:48,405 Yeah, but merc to merc, you better hope 1463 00:58:48,405 --> 00:58:50,638 that you don’t run into the Deadpool corps. 1464 00:58:50,638 --> 00:58:51,375 Yeah, they’re crazy. 1465 00:58:51,375 --> 00:58:53,036 They will chop you up into a thousand pieces 1466 00:58:53,036 --> 00:58:54,070 and hide you all over The Void. 1467 00:58:54,070 --> 00:58:56,105 If they could only process their childhood trauma, 1468 00:58:56,105 --> 00:58:58,074 they’d go on one heck of a healing journey. 1469 00:58:58,074 --> 00:58:59,779 Look, we’re headed for the borderlands. 1470 00:58:59,779 --> 00:59:00,648 You know where it is? 1471 00:59:00,648 --> 00:59:03,585 Yeah, that... that’s 12 klicks due west. 1472 00:59:03,585 --> 00:59:05,224 I can lend you my ride, if you like. 1473 00:59:05,224 --> 00:59:07,985 It would be my honor. 1474 00:59:09,822 --> 00:59:10,427 [birds chirping] 1475 00:59:10,427 --> 00:59:12,759 [Deadpool] Oh, no, no, no, no. Absolutely not. 1476 00:59:12,759 --> 00:59:15,025 Uh-uh. What the... No! No! 1477 00:59:15,025 --> 00:59:16,125 Just get in the car. 1478 00:59:16,125 --> 00:59:17,093 This isn’t a car. 1479 00:59:17,093 --> 00:59:19,469 This is a Honda fuckin’ Odyssey. 1480 00:59:19,469 --> 00:59:21,735 Throttle response sucks a cock. 1481 00:59:21,735 --> 00:59:22,703 Dated infotainment system. 1482 00:59:22,703 --> 00:59:24,804 When Honda saw that untreated chlamydia 1483 00:59:24,804 --> 00:59:25,574 was makin’ a comeback, 1484 00:59:25,574 --> 00:59:28,775 they invented the Honda Odyssey to compete. 1485 00:59:28,775 --> 00:59:31,580 Get in the fucking car. 1486 00:59:31,580 --> 00:59:33,846 She’ll get you there safe and sound. 1487 00:59:33,846 --> 00:59:35,551 Old Betsy always does. 1488 00:59:35,551 --> 00:59:38,488 You’re gonna have to give me my dog back, though. 1489 00:59:38,488 --> 00:59:39,621 [Deadpool] I know. Listen. 1490 00:59:39,621 --> 00:59:40,721 - [Dogpool whimpers] - Yes, child. 1491 00:59:40,721 --> 00:59:43,460 If you ever wanna give her up, or if she needs a new home, 1492 00:59:43,460 --> 00:59:45,858 or if something should happen to you, 1493 00:59:45,858 --> 00:59:46,595 I’d love to be her papa. 1494 00:59:46,595 --> 00:59:49,400 [laughs] What would ever happen to me? 1495 00:59:49,400 --> 00:59:51,303 [Deadpool] Lots of stuff. 1496 00:59:54,130 --> 00:59:55,472 - Jesus. - [Deadpool] No! 1497 00:59:55,472 --> 00:59:56,704 We’re running away. [grunts] 1498 00:59:56,704 --> 00:59:58,904 - [Wolverine] Give me that. - The corn was too dense, girl! 1499 00:59:58,904 --> 00:59:59,971 - [Wolverine] There. - Come here! 1500 00:59:59,971 --> 01:00:02,413 - [Deadpool] Fuck! - [Nicepool] Hello! 1501 01:00:03,513 --> 01:00:04,349 - [engine starts] - Bye. 1502 01:00:04,349 --> 01:00:07,682 [♪ Avril Lavigne "I’m With You" plays on car stereo] 1503 01:00:07,682 --> 01:00:08,144 [sighs] 1504 01:00:08,144 --> 01:00:11,983 ♪ It’s a damn cold night ♪ 1505 01:00:11,983 --> 01:00:16,790 ♪ Trying to figure out this life ♪ 1506 01:00:16,790 --> 01:00:19,760 ♪ Won’t you take me by the hand?♪ 1507 01:00:19,760 --> 01:00:21,795 ♪ Take me somewhere new ♪ 1508 01:00:21,795 --> 01:00:26,899 ♪ I don’t know who you are But I ♪ 1509 01:00:26,899 --> 01:00:30,100 ♪ I’m with you...♪ 1510 01:00:30,100 --> 01:00:32,069 [Deadpool] Okay, I’m just gonna ask... 1511 01:00:32,069 --> 01:00:32,938 What’s with the suit? 1512 01:00:32,938 --> 01:00:34,742 First thing I did when I flamed out, 1513 01:00:34,742 --> 01:00:35,941 - I took mine off. - Drop it. 1514 01:00:35,941 --> 01:00:36,843 [Deadpool] It’s not that ugly. 1515 01:00:36,843 --> 01:00:38,911 - Stop talking about my suit. - Did you make it yourself? 1516 01:00:38,911 --> 01:00:39,846 - Been there. - Quit. Now. 1517 01:00:39,846 --> 01:00:43,113 The X-Men make you wear it? Those sons of fuckin’ bitches. 1518 01:00:43,113 --> 01:00:44,719 They are not your friends, I’ll tell you that. 1519 01:00:44,719 --> 01:00:47,458 Friends don’t let friends leave the house lookin’ like 1520 01:00:47,458 --> 01:00:49,625 they fight crime for the Los Angeles Rams. 1521 01:00:49,625 --> 01:00:50,560 Shut the fuck up about this, or-- 1522 01:00:50,560 --> 01:00:52,925 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Watch your frown lines, angel baby. 1523 01:00:52,925 --> 01:00:54,025 I’m just trying to bond a little bit. 1524 01:00:54,025 --> 01:00:56,434 Yeah, well, then talk about somethin’ else. 1525 01:00:56,434 --> 01:00:57,864 Fine. 1526 01:01:00,636 --> 01:01:02,935 Pshew. Pshew, pshew. 1527 01:01:02,935 --> 01:01:03,870 Pshew! 1528 01:01:03,870 --> 01:01:05,938 - Stop it. - Pshew. 1529 01:01:05,938 --> 01:01:07,742 If they can fix your world, what’s the first thing 1530 01:01:07,742 --> 01:01:09,073 you’re gonna do when you get out of here? 1531 01:01:09,073 --> 01:01:10,679 Get some rubbing alcohol shots, 1532 01:01:10,679 --> 01:01:11,977 maybe a wiper fluid chaser? 1533 01:01:11,977 --> 01:01:13,946 - What did you say? - I said when you get back, 1534 01:01:13,946 --> 01:01:15,585 what’s the first thing you’re gonna do? 1535 01:01:15,585 --> 01:01:17,818 No, no, no. Before that. 1536 01:01:17,983 --> 01:01:20,755 If... they can fix your world? 1537 01:01:21,019 --> 01:01:22,427 [grunts] 1538 01:01:23,989 --> 01:01:25,991 What do you mean, "if"? 1539 01:01:25,991 --> 01:01:27,025 - I mean-- - You lied to me. 1540 01:01:27,025 --> 01:01:27,927 You don’t have a fucking clue 1541 01:01:27,927 --> 01:01:30,226 if they can help me fix things, do you? 1542 01:01:30,226 --> 01:01:31,667 No. I mean-- Ow! 1543 01:01:31,667 --> 01:01:33,966 Fuck! Fuck! I didn’t lie! 1544 01:01:33,966 --> 01:01:38,135 - You lied! - No! I made an educated wish! 1545 01:01:39,169 --> 01:01:41,303 Because I need you. 1546 01:01:41,446 --> 01:01:44,944 This. This is why. Right here. 1547 01:01:44,944 --> 01:01:46,880 ’Cause if we don’t do something, they die. 1548 01:01:46,880 --> 01:01:49,553 I don’t know anything about saving worlds. 1549 01:01:49,553 --> 01:01:50,587 And why would I even care? 1550 01:01:50,587 --> 01:01:54,690 Because my entire world is right here in this picture. 1551 01:01:54,690 --> 01:01:56,087 It’s only nine people, 1552 01:01:56,087 --> 01:01:59,365 and I have no idea how to save it alone. 1553 01:01:59,365 --> 01:02:02,060 I know how to fuck people up for money. But you, 1554 01:02:02,060 --> 01:02:04,700 you know how to save ’em! 1555 01:02:04,832 --> 01:02:05,932 At least the other Wolverine did. 1556 01:02:05,932 --> 01:02:06,999 - [flesh squelching] - [groans] 1557 01:02:06,999 --> 01:02:10,442 Fuck! I guess I’m stuck with the worst one. 1558 01:02:10,442 --> 01:02:12,510 Did you say you made 1559 01:02:12,510 --> 01:02:15,546 an educated fucking wish? 1560 01:02:15,546 --> 01:02:17,911 They call me "The Merc with the Mouth." 1561 01:02:17,911 --> 01:02:19,979 They don’t call me "Truthful Timmy, 1562 01:02:19,979 --> 01:02:22,982 "the Blowjob Queen of Saskatoon." 1563 01:02:22,982 --> 01:02:24,918 [grunts in pain] 1564 01:02:26,117 --> 01:02:27,723 One more word. 1565 01:02:27,723 --> 01:02:31,760 Please give me one. [breathing heavily] 1566 01:02:33,531 --> 01:02:34,631 Gubernatorial. 1567 01:02:34,631 --> 01:02:37,029 [yelps] Oh, fuck! 1568 01:02:37,469 --> 01:02:40,065 You know what? You’re a fucking joke. 1569 01:02:40,670 --> 01:02:42,001 No wonder the Avengers didn’t take you. 1570 01:02:42,001 --> 01:02:45,543 Or the X-Men. And they’ll take fucking anyone. 1571 01:02:45,543 --> 01:02:46,511 I mean, you are 1572 01:02:46,511 --> 01:02:51,109 a ridiculous, immature, half-wit moron. 1573 01:02:51,109 --> 01:02:53,045 I have never met 1574 01:02:53,045 --> 01:02:53,749 a sadder, 1575 01:02:53,749 --> 01:02:56,851 more attention-starved, jabbering little prick 1576 01:02:56,851 --> 01:02:57,687 in my entire life. 1577 01:02:57,687 --> 01:02:59,953 And that says a lot, ’cause I’ve been alive 1578 01:02:59,953 --> 01:03:03,022 for more than 200 fuckin’ years, 1579 01:03:03,022 --> 01:03:03,858 and I’ll tell ya, 1580 01:03:03,858 --> 01:03:05,926 that bald chick was right about one thing. 1581 01:03:05,926 --> 01:03:08,357 You will never save the world! 1582 01:03:08,357 --> 01:03:11,503 You couldn’t even save a relationship 1583 01:03:11,503 --> 01:03:12,735 with a goddamn stripper! 1584 01:03:12,735 --> 01:03:15,364 And motherfucker, I wish I could say you’d die alone, 1585 01:03:15,364 --> 01:03:18,972 but it’s one of God’s best jokes that you can’t die, 1586 01:03:18,972 --> 01:03:21,370 except that’s on all of us! 1587 01:03:24,483 --> 01:03:27,211 Oh, you got nothing to say, Mouth? 1588 01:03:27,211 --> 01:03:29,180 [breathing heavily] 1589 01:03:35,593 --> 01:03:37,925 [Deadpool] I’m gonna fight you now. 1590 01:03:37,925 --> 01:03:39,531 [laughs] 1591 01:03:39,531 --> 01:03:41,830 [snorts] Oh, are you? 1592 01:03:44,536 --> 01:03:46,472 [song plays on radio, song changing] 1593 01:03:46,472 --> 01:03:50,102 [♪ upbeat pop music plays, "You’re the One That I Want"] 1594 01:03:50,102 --> 01:03:50,740 [grunting] 1595 01:03:50,740 --> 01:03:53,369 - [groaning] - Mm. Not talkin’ now, are ya? 1596 01:03:53,369 --> 01:03:55,613 ♪ And I’m losing control ♪ 1597 01:03:55,613 --> 01:03:59,980 ♪ ’Cause the power you’re supplying ♪ 1598 01:03:59,980 --> 01:04:02,180 [Deadpool] Oh, you dirty bitch. 1599 01:04:04,116 --> 01:04:04,754 [growls] 1600 01:04:04,754 --> 01:04:07,449 - [yelling] - ♪ You better shape up ♪ 1601 01:04:07,449 --> 01:04:09,594 ♪ ’Cause I need a man ♪ 1602 01:04:09,594 --> 01:04:10,760 [both grunting] 1603 01:04:10,760 --> 01:04:13,994 ♪ And my heart is set on you ♪ 1604 01:04:13,994 --> 01:04:16,392 ♪ You better shape up ♪ 1605 01:04:16,392 --> 01:04:18,768 - [laughs] - [Deadpool] Whoo! 1606 01:04:18,966 --> 01:04:19,428 [grunts] 1607 01:04:19,428 --> 01:04:21,606 ♪ To my heart, I must be true ♪ 1608 01:04:21,606 --> 01:04:25,742 ♪ Nothing left, nothing left for me to do ♪ 1609 01:04:25,742 --> 01:04:28,514 ♪ You’re the one that I want ♪ 1610 01:04:28,514 --> 01:04:30,472 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪ 1611 01:04:30,472 --> 01:04:32,947 ♪ The one that I want ♪ 1612 01:04:32,947 --> 01:04:34,080 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪ 1613 01:04:34,080 --> 01:04:36,115 - [straining] - No, no, no! [screams] 1614 01:04:36,115 --> 01:04:37,050 [screams in high pitch] 1615 01:04:37,050 --> 01:04:38,524 - ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ - [bones crack] 1616 01:04:38,524 --> 01:04:43,991 ♪ The one I need Oh, yes, indeed...♪ 1617 01:04:46,158 --> 01:04:47,995 [choking] 1618 01:04:51,196 --> 01:04:53,033 [yells] 1619 01:04:54,463 --> 01:04:56,872 - Baby Knife! - [screams] 1620 01:04:58,071 --> 01:04:58,775 [♪ song stops] 1621 01:04:58,775 --> 01:05:02,405 I take it all back. The Honda Odyssey fucks hard. 1622 01:05:02,405 --> 01:05:03,780 Too bad you don’t, needle dick. 1623 01:05:03,780 --> 01:05:05,012 Oh, we’re just gettin’ started, bub. 1624 01:05:05,012 --> 01:05:07,850 - [yells] - [♪ song resumes playing] 1625 01:05:07,850 --> 01:05:09,885 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪ 1626 01:05:09,885 --> 01:05:11,821 [Deadpool] Oh, you... Fuck! 1627 01:05:11,821 --> 01:05:13,592 - [Deadpool groaning loudly] - ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 1628 01:05:13,592 --> 01:05:15,957 - ♪ The one I need ♪ - [groaning stops] 1629 01:05:15,957 --> 01:05:18,729 ♪ Oh, yes, indeed ♪ 1630 01:05:18,729 --> 01:05:20,566 ♪ You’re the one that I want ♪ 1631 01:05:20,566 --> 01:05:21,864 [♪ song fades out] 1632 01:05:21,864 --> 01:05:23,833 [birds chirping] 1633 01:05:25,604 --> 01:05:27,804 [leaves rustling] 1634 01:05:30,103 --> 01:05:33,205 [♪ ominous music playing] 1635 01:05:34,679 --> 01:05:36,615 [car door opens and closes] 1636 01:05:36,615 --> 01:05:38,276 [engine starts] 1637 01:05:49,551 --> 01:05:52,730 [♪ cryptic music playing] 1638 01:05:52,730 --> 01:05:54,798 [water dripping] 1639 01:06:04,038 --> 01:06:05,875 [Deadpool] Thor! 1640 01:06:08,108 --> 01:06:08,878 Where are we? 1641 01:06:08,878 --> 01:06:11,947 No clue, but... I like it here. 1642 01:06:11,947 --> 01:06:15,885 - [door opens] - [♪ cryptic music intensifies] 1643 01:06:18,118 --> 01:06:19,548 [grunting] 1644 01:06:19,548 --> 01:06:21,924 [Deadpool] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 1645 01:06:21,924 --> 01:06:25,092 [♪ sentimental music playing] 1646 01:06:30,735 --> 01:06:32,638 - [♪ music pauses] - [low growl] 1647 01:06:32,638 --> 01:06:36,169 [♪ dramatic electronic music playing] 1648 01:06:45,079 --> 01:06:47,719 [electrical humming] 1649 01:06:52,548 --> 01:06:54,088 [cat meows] 1650 01:07:09,466 --> 01:07:10,907 [♪ music fades out] 1651 01:07:10,907 --> 01:07:12,106 Okay. 1652 01:07:12,106 --> 01:07:16,308 Look at you... all. You must be the others. 1653 01:07:16,440 --> 01:07:17,210 Terrific. 1654 01:07:17,210 --> 01:07:20,510 So just to refresh, you are 1655 01:07:20,510 --> 01:07:21,379 - Wonder-- - Elektra. 1656 01:07:21,379 --> 01:07:23,645 [Deadpool] Elektra? Yes. Who could forget? 1657 01:07:23,645 --> 01:07:27,121 And you. I was not expecting to see you here. 1658 01:07:27,121 --> 01:07:29,024 I thought you were, you know, 1659 01:07:29,024 --> 01:07:31,224 retired. [chuckles] 1660 01:07:31,422 --> 01:07:32,929 Retarded? 1661 01:07:33,622 --> 01:07:34,700 [Deadpool] "Retired." 1662 01:07:34,700 --> 01:07:35,426 I’m already in The Void. 1663 01:07:35,426 --> 01:07:36,559 I’m not trying to get canceled again. 1664 01:07:36,559 --> 01:07:39,705 - I don’t like you. - [Deadpool] You never did. 1665 01:07:40,068 --> 01:07:42,906 And who’s this succulent reminder 1666 01:07:42,906 --> 01:07:44,633 of my own inadequacies? 1667 01:07:44,633 --> 01:07:45,502 Look at you. 1668 01:07:45,502 --> 01:07:48,406 You look like the superhero version of Hawkeye. 1669 01:07:48,406 --> 01:07:51,948 The name’s Remy LeBeau, Le Diable Blanc. 1670 01:07:51,948 --> 01:07:53,015 But you can call me the Gambit. 1671 01:07:53,015 --> 01:07:55,644 [Deadpool] It’s been a while since I’ve seen Sling Blade. 1672 01:07:55,644 --> 01:07:57,217 Hit me again. 1673 01:07:57,217 --> 01:07:58,020 They call me the Gambit. 1674 01:07:58,020 --> 01:07:59,483 [Deadpool] Do they? Are you sure you didn’t 1675 01:07:59,483 --> 01:08:00,891 just really, really want them to, 1676 01:08:00,891 --> 01:08:03,091 but it never quite worked out? 1677 01:08:03,520 --> 01:08:04,620 [speaks indistinctly] 1678 01:08:04,620 --> 01:08:08,096 You know, we never had a Wolverine up in here. 1679 01:08:08,096 --> 01:08:08,866 But I can tell you now, 1680 01:08:08,866 --> 01:08:10,769 it’s just a common courtesy to ask 1681 01:08:10,769 --> 01:08:12,496 before you drink up all of my liquor. 1682 01:08:12,496 --> 01:08:15,070 Well, it’s a good thing I don’t give a fuck. 1683 01:08:15,070 --> 01:08:18,139 [laughs, speaks indistinctly] 1684 01:08:18,777 --> 01:08:20,207 Fuck. 1685 01:08:21,439 --> 01:08:24,310 - [bottle smashes] - [Deadpool] So embarrassing. 1686 01:08:24,816 --> 01:08:25,476 Boo, boo, boo. 1687 01:08:25,476 --> 01:08:26,543 Well, now that that’s settled, look, 1688 01:08:26,543 --> 01:08:27,786 we came a long way to find you three. 1689 01:08:27,786 --> 01:08:30,052 - There’s four of us. - [Deadpool] There’s four... 1690 01:08:30,052 --> 01:08:31,680 Hey, wait. Is it Magneto? 1691 01:08:31,680 --> 01:08:33,990 Dear sweet God in heaven, let it be Magneto, 1692 01:08:33,990 --> 01:08:35,057 - because with him-- - He’s dead. 1693 01:08:35,057 --> 01:08:36,927 [Deadpool] Fuck! Now Disney gets cheap? 1694 01:08:36,927 --> 01:08:39,028 It’s like Pinocchio jammed his face in my ass 1695 01:08:39,028 --> 01:08:41,030 - and started lying like crazy. - Ooh, you nasty! 1696 01:08:41,030 --> 01:08:43,659 Mon petit rouge. Laissez les bons temps rouler, huh? 1697 01:08:43,659 --> 01:08:46,695 [Deadpool] Not a single word. What do you do exactly? 1698 01:08:46,695 --> 01:08:49,203 Charge the playing cards and make ’em go boom! 1699 01:08:49,203 --> 01:08:51,843 [Deadpool] Your power’s close-up magic. That’s good. 1700 01:08:51,843 --> 01:08:53,779 We’re not totally fucked at all. 1701 01:08:53,779 --> 01:08:55,077 So who brought us here? 1702 01:08:55,077 --> 01:08:57,112 [Voice] That would be me. 1703 01:08:58,641 --> 01:09:01,952 [♪ pensive music playing] 1704 01:09:06,715 --> 01:09:08,651 Don’t make me regret it. 1705 01:09:08,992 --> 01:09:12,798 [Deadpool] Holy shit. Logan. That’s her. That’s X-23. 1706 01:09:12,798 --> 01:09:15,361 She’s the one I told you about. 1707 01:09:18,628 --> 01:09:21,169 Hey, how did you all get stuck in The Void? 1708 01:09:21,169 --> 01:09:22,698 There was a knock at the door. 1709 01:09:22,698 --> 01:09:24,909 - TVA sent me here. - Me, too. 1710 01:09:24,909 --> 01:09:25,767 Well, maybe I was born here. 1711 01:09:25,767 --> 01:09:27,109 It’s... It’s hard to know for sure. 1712 01:09:27,109 --> 01:09:30,475 TVA decided our universe was dying. 1713 01:09:30,475 --> 01:09:33,819 And I never even got a chance to fight for it. 1714 01:09:35,381 --> 01:09:37,680 [Elektra] People like us don’t go quietly. 1715 01:09:37,680 --> 01:09:39,858 TVA knows that, so they took us out. 1716 01:09:39,858 --> 01:09:42,388 [smooches] The answer is yes. I’m in. 1717 01:09:42,388 --> 01:09:44,159 - In what? - [Deadpool] A team. 1718 01:09:44,159 --> 01:09:46,491 Me, you, you, and me. All of us together. 1719 01:09:46,491 --> 01:09:47,789 Let’s get the fuck out of this place. 1720 01:09:47,789 --> 01:09:49,758 Don’t listen to him. He’s a fucking liar! 1721 01:09:49,758 --> 01:09:51,727 [Deadpool] It was an educated wish! 1722 01:09:51,727 --> 01:09:54,169 - Ha! - [Deadpool] Look. 1723 01:09:54,532 --> 01:09:56,468 We’ve been inside Cassandra’s lair. 1724 01:09:56,468 --> 01:09:59,075 The only way out of The Void is through her. 1725 01:09:59,075 --> 01:10:01,044 She can get us home. She told us. 1726 01:10:01,044 --> 01:10:03,475 Wait a minute, you’ve been inside? 1727 01:10:03,475 --> 01:10:05,114 - And you made it out alive? - Bullshit. 1728 01:10:05,114 --> 01:10:07,017 - Nobody’s ever done that. - [Deadpool] We did. 1729 01:10:07,017 --> 01:10:10,581 Every time one of us has gone up against her, 1730 01:10:10,581 --> 01:10:11,153 they die. 1731 01:10:11,153 --> 01:10:13,859 The Punisher, the Quicksilver, the Daredevil. 1732 01:10:13,859 --> 01:10:15,652 [Deadpool] Daredevil? I’m so sorry. 1733 01:10:15,652 --> 01:10:18,028 - It’s fine. - [Deadpool] Okay. 1734 01:10:18,820 --> 01:10:22,527 Even that sweet, baby angel, Johnny Storm. 1735 01:10:22,527 --> 01:10:24,133 He up and gone missing like, 1736 01:10:24,133 --> 01:10:25,937 what, two days ago? 1737 01:10:25,937 --> 01:10:27,796 [Deadpool] Ugh. That’s so sad. 1738 01:10:27,796 --> 01:10:31,206 Wherever this Johnny fella is, I’m sure he’s thriving. 1739 01:10:31,206 --> 01:10:31,943 [Wolverine chuckles] 1740 01:10:31,943 --> 01:10:34,770 Look, there’s... there’s strength in numbers. 1741 01:10:34,770 --> 01:10:35,441 All right? Us... 1742 01:10:35,441 --> 01:10:36,508 plus, you guys. We can put Cassandra 1743 01:10:36,508 --> 01:10:38,983 over our knee and force her to let us out of The Void. 1744 01:10:38,983 --> 01:10:40,743 I know what it means to feel self-doubt. 1745 01:10:40,743 --> 01:10:41,986 - I don’t feel that at all. - I’m good. 1746 01:10:41,986 --> 01:10:44,384 [Deadpool] Gnawing at your gut like a coked-up tapeworm. 1747 01:10:44,384 --> 01:10:46,056 It’s like you’re holding up a mirror to my soul. 1748 01:10:46,056 --> 01:10:47,926 [Deadpool] You guys may not have been able 1749 01:10:47,926 --> 01:10:49,686 to save your universes. 1750 01:10:49,686 --> 01:10:51,589 But you can avenge them. 1751 01:10:51,589 --> 01:10:53,195 It’s what Johnny would have wanted. 1752 01:10:53,195 --> 01:10:56,902 Wait. You knew Johnny? 1753 01:10:57,034 --> 01:10:57,969 [chuckles] Oh, yeah. 1754 01:10:57,969 --> 01:10:59,597 Dickhead here talked him into a team-up, 1755 01:10:59,597 --> 01:11:02,435 and Johnny came down with a little case of the deads. 1756 01:11:02,435 --> 01:11:03,667 [Deadpool] No, no, no. We don’t know that. 1757 01:11:03,667 --> 01:11:06,043 It was just a flesh wound. He may have survived. 1758 01:11:06,043 --> 01:11:08,837 If he survived that, he is prayin’ for death. 1759 01:11:08,837 --> 01:11:10,509 [Deadpool] Thank you, Doctor Wolverine! 1760 01:11:10,509 --> 01:11:12,918 - Spill it! - What’d you do to Johnny, huh? 1761 01:11:12,918 --> 01:11:13,985 Talk or I’m gonna start dealin’. 1762 01:11:13,985 --> 01:11:16,713 [Deadpool] Okay. Okay. Hey, hey, hey. 1763 01:11:16,713 --> 01:11:17,285 Look. 1764 01:11:17,285 --> 01:11:19,683 He ran his fat-ass mouth about Cassandra. 1765 01:11:19,683 --> 01:11:21,058 Then she zip-zapped his skin, 1766 01:11:21,058 --> 01:11:23,027 leaving his organs to splash crudely onto the ground 1767 01:11:23,027 --> 01:11:26,657 while the soil greedily drank his blood. It was horrible. 1768 01:11:26,657 --> 01:11:27,790 He was like a brother to me. 1769 01:11:27,790 --> 01:11:31,332 Look, he died before he could make a difference. But... 1770 01:11:31,332 --> 01:11:32,795 - [laughs] - Look, maybe you couldn’t 1771 01:11:32,795 --> 01:11:33,939 save your worlds, but... 1772 01:11:33,939 --> 01:11:36,535 but Jesus Christ, you can save mine! 1773 01:11:36,535 --> 01:11:38,801 I don’t give a shit about your world, but 1774 01:11:38,801 --> 01:11:42,112 if these two made it out of there alive, maybe together, 1775 01:11:42,112 --> 01:11:43,806 we can get back in and take her down. 1776 01:11:43,806 --> 01:11:46,875 Where I come from, we call that suicide, Chere. 1777 01:11:46,875 --> 01:11:49,152 [Deadpool] If we can block her psychic powers, 1778 01:11:49,152 --> 01:11:51,220 we can get a leg up. I know it. 1779 01:11:51,220 --> 01:11:52,958 Now, I know Magneto’s dead. 1780 01:11:52,958 --> 01:11:55,356 But I’d venture to guess that his helmet is lying 1781 01:11:55,356 --> 01:11:57,655 - around here somewhere-- - Cassandra melted the helmet. 1782 01:11:57,655 --> 01:11:58,964 - [Deadpool] Fuck! - After she killed him. 1783 01:11:58,964 --> 01:12:00,823 - [Deadpool] Fuck! - She don’t play. 1784 01:12:00,823 --> 01:12:02,396 She knows that helmet was the only way 1785 01:12:02,396 --> 01:12:03,859 to protect anyone from her powers. 1786 01:12:03,859 --> 01:12:06,202 The only other helmet that strong is Juggernaut’s, 1787 01:12:06,202 --> 01:12:07,071 but he works for Cassandra. 1788 01:12:07,071 --> 01:12:08,435 [Deadpool] Juggernaut’s helmet. That’s it. 1789 01:12:08,435 --> 01:12:10,371 Yeah, and we done be knowing that lid ain’t comin’ off 1790 01:12:10,371 --> 01:12:11,977 without that dome gonna come off wit’it. 1791 01:12:11,977 --> 01:12:13,473 [Deadpool] I’m so sorry, beautiful. 1792 01:12:13,473 --> 01:12:14,309 I want this to be gentle. 1793 01:12:14,309 --> 01:12:16,179 Who is your dialect coach? The Minions? 1794 01:12:16,179 --> 01:12:20,711 I feel like we are missing critical exposition here. 1795 01:12:20,711 --> 01:12:24,814 I’m sick of this shit. I’m sick of hiding. 1796 01:12:24,814 --> 01:12:27,223 Let’s face it, our worlds forgot about us. 1797 01:12:27,223 --> 01:12:29,159 Or never learned about us. 1798 01:12:29,159 --> 01:12:30,754 The heroes we were. 1799 01:12:30,754 --> 01:12:31,997 Lives we saved. 1800 01:12:31,997 --> 01:12:33,163 Or wanted to save. 1801 01:12:33,163 --> 01:12:35,561 Maybe these two are our chance. 1802 01:12:35,561 --> 01:12:36,760 [gurgling] 1803 01:12:36,760 --> 01:12:38,498 To be remembered. 1804 01:12:38,498 --> 01:12:40,236 The way we deserve. 1805 01:12:40,830 --> 01:12:41,963 [Deadpool] Yes. 1806 01:12:41,963 --> 01:12:43,569 An ending. 1807 01:12:43,569 --> 01:12:44,867 - Legacy. - [Deadpool] Yes! 1808 01:12:44,867 --> 01:12:46,077 Yes! Let this man cook. 1809 01:12:46,077 --> 01:12:47,606 This is what I’m talking about. 1810 01:12:47,606 --> 01:12:49,773 Big slow-motion fights, sad music. 1811 01:12:49,773 --> 01:12:50,642 Everybody working together. 1812 01:12:50,642 --> 01:12:52,677 Who knows if you live or die? That sorta thing. 1813 01:12:52,677 --> 01:12:55,119 - Who’s ready? - I was born ready. 1814 01:12:55,119 --> 01:12:56,450 [Deadpool] Yes! Gambit? 1815 01:12:56,450 --> 01:12:57,220 I ain’t know my daddy, 1816 01:12:57,220 --> 01:12:59,123 but I’m sure I shot out of his dick ready. 1817 01:12:59,123 --> 01:13:00,751 [Deadpool] Jesus Christ, that is graphic. 1818 01:13:00,751 --> 01:13:02,720 Yeah. He was layin’ them buttery nuts all up in my mama 1819 01:13:02,720 --> 01:13:04,821 and I shot out there and I said, "What’s up, Doc?" 1820 01:13:04,821 --> 01:13:07,725 [Deadpool laughs] Johnny must have loved you. 1821 01:13:07,725 --> 01:13:10,167 X-23, what’s it gonna be? 1822 01:13:10,167 --> 01:13:10,860 The name’s Laura. 1823 01:13:10,860 --> 01:13:14,072 - Let’s fucking go. - [Deadpool] Let’s fucking go! 1824 01:13:14,072 --> 01:13:15,172 It’s on like chicken and corn. 1825 01:13:15,172 --> 01:13:17,042 - [Deadpool] Yeah! - We’re doing this. 1826 01:13:17,042 --> 01:13:17,801 You’re all fuckin’ dead. 1827 01:13:17,801 --> 01:13:21,145 [Deadpool] My God! Read the room. 1828 01:13:23,873 --> 01:13:26,282 [crickets chirping] 1829 01:13:29,747 --> 01:13:30,583 [exhales] 1830 01:13:30,583 --> 01:13:35,126 Hey, hey. I’m not lookin’ for company. Get out of here. 1831 01:13:36,589 --> 01:13:38,129 You remind me of him. 1832 01:13:38,129 --> 01:13:39,493 Angry. Drunk. Mean... 1833 01:13:39,493 --> 01:13:42,826 - Sounds like a great guy-- - Wasn’t finished. 1834 01:13:43,629 --> 01:13:46,236 Showed up when it mattered the most. 1835 01:13:47,831 --> 01:13:50,141 Couldn’t help it. 1836 01:13:51,208 --> 01:13:52,638 [sighs] 1837 01:13:52,638 --> 01:13:54,805 You might not know it, but... 1838 01:13:54,937 --> 01:13:56,675 you’re a good man, Logan. 1839 01:13:56,675 --> 01:13:58,149 [chuckles] 1840 01:13:58,149 --> 01:14:00,217 You might not know it, but apparently, 1841 01:14:00,217 --> 01:14:02,285 I’m the worst Logan. 1842 01:14:03,121 --> 01:14:06,014 I got to have a life because of you. 1843 01:14:07,983 --> 01:14:10,656 I got to grow up because of you. 1844 01:14:12,020 --> 01:14:13,098 A lot of kids did. 1845 01:14:13,098 --> 01:14:16,365 A lot of kids didn’t grow up because of me. 1846 01:14:17,762 --> 01:14:20,171 Trust me, kid, I’m no hero. 1847 01:14:20,732 --> 01:14:22,701 That suit says different. 1848 01:14:22,701 --> 01:14:25,737 - Yeah. Do you like it? - Mm. 1849 01:14:26,606 --> 01:14:29,312 Scott used to beg me to wear it. 1850 01:14:30,808 --> 01:14:34,185 So did Jean, Storm, Beast. 1851 01:14:35,714 --> 01:14:36,946 All of them. 1852 01:14:36,946 --> 01:14:40,818 They wanted me to be part of the team, but I wouldn’t. 1853 01:14:40,818 --> 01:14:45,394 Told ’em they all look fucking ridiculous. I mean... 1854 01:14:45,922 --> 01:14:49,959 I couldn’t have ’em thinkin’ I wanted to be there. 1855 01:14:54,436 --> 01:14:57,065 And then one day, while I was off on my own, 1856 01:14:57,065 --> 01:14:58,869 the humans came... 1857 01:14:58,869 --> 01:15:00,970 and went mutant hunting. 1858 01:15:01,542 --> 01:15:02,807 I can guess the rest. 1859 01:15:02,807 --> 01:15:04,644 No, no, let me... 1860 01:15:05,216 --> 01:15:07,075 Let me say it. I... 1861 01:15:09,044 --> 01:15:10,881 I need to say it. 1862 01:15:12,080 --> 01:15:15,523 By the time I stumbled home shitfaced from the bar, 1863 01:15:15,523 --> 01:15:17,360 it was too late. 1864 01:15:20,121 --> 01:15:22,827 They were dead. Every... [stifling sob] 1865 01:15:24,400 --> 01:15:27,304 [♪ mournful music playing] 1866 01:15:27,568 --> 01:15:32,067 This suit’s all I got to remind me of who they were. 1867 01:15:33,541 --> 01:15:35,103 And what I did. 1868 01:15:42,451 --> 01:15:43,947 [sniffles] 1869 01:15:46,983 --> 01:15:49,887 We’re headed to Cassandra’s at sunup. 1870 01:15:50,019 --> 01:15:52,725 Have fun. Not my fight. 1871 01:15:54,859 --> 01:15:57,664 We won’t pull this off without you. 1872 01:16:03,131 --> 01:16:07,938 Hey. Whoever you think I am, you got the wrong guy. 1873 01:16:09,874 --> 01:16:12,382 You were always the wrong guy. 1874 01:16:17,849 --> 01:16:21,050 [♪ mournful music continues] 1875 01:16:35,438 --> 01:16:37,671 [cell phone ringing] 1876 01:16:37,671 --> 01:16:38,166 What? 1877 01:16:38,166 --> 01:16:40,003 Alioth didn’t get them. [sniffs] 1878 01:16:40,003 --> 01:16:43,446 Cassandra wanted to play with them herself first. 1879 01:16:43,446 --> 01:16:44,073 They got away. 1880 01:16:44,073 --> 01:16:45,844 - Did they find the others? - No. 1881 01:16:45,844 --> 01:16:46,878 Good. All right. Phew. 1882 01:16:46,878 --> 01:16:49,045 - The others found them. - Oh, very cute. 1883 01:16:49,045 --> 01:16:50,717 Well done, Pyro. Classic bait and switch. 1884 01:16:50,717 --> 01:16:53,390 - You really got me there. - Relax. 1885 01:16:53,390 --> 01:16:55,854 If they come after Nova, she’ll handle it. 1886 01:16:55,854 --> 01:16:57,658 Cassandra is a lunatic wild card. 1887 01:16:57,658 --> 01:16:59,924 Why do you think we put her there in the first place? 1888 01:16:59,924 --> 01:17:02,025 Thank God she’s never chosen to leave The Void. 1889 01:17:02,025 --> 01:17:05,468 The Time Ripper is hours away from completion. 1890 01:17:05,468 --> 01:17:06,832 I cannot take any chances. 1891 01:17:06,832 --> 01:17:07,965 Well, maybe not. 1892 01:17:07,965 --> 01:17:09,472 But I can. 1893 01:17:09,472 --> 01:17:10,066 For a price. 1894 01:17:10,066 --> 01:17:11,969 Why do you have to say it in that silly voice? 1895 01:17:11,969 --> 01:17:12,607 It’s so icky. 1896 01:17:12,607 --> 01:17:15,104 - You want it done or not? - All right. Your price. 1897 01:17:15,104 --> 01:17:17,205 Take her out. 1898 01:17:17,205 --> 01:17:18,646 Ugh. Mutants. 1899 01:17:18,646 --> 01:17:20,010 [♪ hip-hop music plays, T.I. "Bring ’Em Out"] 1900 01:17:20,010 --> 01:17:22,749 ♪ Bring ’em out, bring ’em out ♪ 1901 01:17:22,749 --> 01:17:24,553 ♪ It’s hard to yell when the bar-rel’s in your mouth ♪ 1902 01:17:24,553 --> 01:17:26,016 - ♪ Come on ♪ - ♪ Swizzy! ♪ 1903 01:17:26,016 --> 01:17:29,822 ♪ Bring ’em out, bring ’em out ♪ 1904 01:17:29,822 --> 01:17:31,659 ♪ T-I-P, coming live from the V.I.P.♪ 1905 01:17:31,659 --> 01:17:33,859 ♪ Heard the nightlife lost life without me ♪ 1906 01:17:33,859 --> 01:17:36,532 ♪ Both the feds and the state wanna see ’bout me ♪ 1907 01:17:36,532 --> 01:17:40,932 ♪ The whole city got biz-zerk, he got three...♪ 1908 01:17:40,932 --> 01:17:41,669 Ooh! Look at that there! 1909 01:17:41,669 --> 01:17:42,868 You see them biggum hands come closed. 1910 01:17:42,868 --> 01:17:44,408 Ain’t not a wonna gettin’ up inside there. 1911 01:17:44,408 --> 01:17:45,706 [Deadpool] I think what Gambit’s trying to say is 1912 01:17:45,706 --> 01:17:48,841 getting Juggernaut’s helmet ain’t gonna be easy. 1913 01:17:48,841 --> 01:17:50,612 I’m just making stuff up at this... 1914 01:17:50,612 --> 01:17:51,646 - Yeah. Tilt up to Blade. - Gun! 1915 01:17:51,646 --> 01:17:53,846 ♪ Mississippi to Philly, Albuquerque to Chatt-Town ♪ 1916 01:17:53,846 --> 01:17:56,882 ♪ If I hit you in the face, you gon’ be suing and shit ♪ 1917 01:17:56,882 --> 01:17:59,148 [Deadpool] Where’d he get that little beauty? 1918 01:17:59,148 --> 01:18:00,655 That’s Punisher’s AT4. 1919 01:18:00,655 --> 01:18:03,592 Which Punisher? There’s been, like, five of them. 1920 01:18:03,592 --> 01:18:04,923 There’s only been one Blade, 1921 01:18:04,923 --> 01:18:06,364 and there’s only ever gonna be one Blade. 1922 01:18:06,364 --> 01:18:08,564 ♪ Who got a flow and a live show better than mine? ♪ 1923 01:18:08,564 --> 01:18:11,732 ♪ I got a packed house yellin’♪ 1924 01:18:11,732 --> 01:18:12,964 Incoming! 1925 01:18:12,964 --> 01:18:14,735 Ahhh! 1926 01:18:14,735 --> 01:18:16,099 ♪ Bring ’em out, bring ’em out ♪ 1927 01:18:16,099 --> 01:18:17,474 ♪ Ayy, from the back, they yellin ♪ 1928 01:18:17,474 --> 01:18:18,838 ♪ Bring ’em out, bring ’em out ♪ 1929 01:18:18,838 --> 01:18:20,301 ♪ Ayy, all the dope boys yellin’ ♪ 1930 01:18:20,301 --> 01:18:21,676 ♪ Bring ’em out, bring ’em out ♪ 1931 01:18:21,676 --> 01:18:23,007 ♪ Ayy, from the back, they yellin ♪ 1932 01:18:23,007 --> 01:18:25,075 - [♪ song stops] - [fire roaring] 1933 01:18:27,517 --> 01:18:29,651 [tires screeching] 1934 01:18:30,586 --> 01:18:32,247 ♪ Mic check, one-two, one-two ♪ 1935 01:18:32,247 --> 01:18:33,787 ♪ You wanna beef with the King?♪ 1936 01:18:33,787 --> 01:18:34,854 ♪ What is you gon’ do?♪ 1937 01:18:34,854 --> 01:18:36,724 ♪ Will you show up on the scene with two guns drew?♪ 1938 01:18:36,724 --> 01:18:39,661 ♪ Or you and your friend and play a little two-on-two?♪ 1939 01:18:39,661 --> 01:18:41,124 ♪ If you knew half of what I knew ♪ 1940 01:18:41,124 --> 01:18:42,598 ♪ Then you’d be hitting the deck ♪ 1941 01:18:42,598 --> 01:18:43,896 ♪ I got a tool and a vest ♪ 1942 01:18:43,896 --> 01:18:44,996 ♪ I can get some respect ♪ 1943 01:18:44,996 --> 01:18:46,800 ♪ Yeah, what other Southern rapper hood-er than this? ♪ 1944 01:18:46,800 --> 01:18:49,198 ♪ I got rich, and I’m still on some hooligan shit ♪ 1945 01:18:49,198 --> 01:18:50,804 ♪ Standing in your front yard yellin’♪ 1946 01:18:50,804 --> 01:18:52,168 ♪ Bring ’em out, bring ’em out ♪ 1947 01:18:52,168 --> 01:18:53,576 ♪ Ayy, all my hot girls yellin’ ♪ 1948 01:18:53,576 --> 01:18:54,940 ♪ Bring ’em out, bring ’em out ♪ 1949 01:18:54,940 --> 01:18:56,414 ♪ Ayy, all the dope boys yellin’ ♪ 1950 01:18:56,414 --> 01:18:58,108 ♪ Bring ’em out, bring ’em out ♪ 1951 01:18:58,108 --> 01:19:00,044 [♪ song stops] 1952 01:19:02,717 --> 01:19:03,652 [♪ song resumes] 1953 01:19:03,652 --> 01:19:07,348 ♪ Hands in the air now! ♪ 1954 01:19:07,348 --> 01:19:10,428 ♪ Hands-hands in the- in the air-air now! ♪ 1955 01:19:10,428 --> 01:19:11,429 ♪ I can’t hear you! ♪ 1956 01:19:11,429 --> 01:19:16,434 ♪ Bring ’em out, bring ’em out ♪ 1957 01:19:16,434 --> 01:19:18,128 [♪ song ends] 1958 01:19:19,129 --> 01:19:20,966 Ooh, this is gonna be good. 1959 01:19:20,966 --> 01:19:23,606 You know how long I’ve been waiting for this? 1960 01:19:23,606 --> 01:19:25,839 Whoo! I’m about to make a name for myself here. 1961 01:19:25,839 --> 01:19:27,610 I don’t think you guys walk away from this. 1962 01:19:27,610 --> 01:19:29,579 You just make sure people know what happened here today. 1963 01:19:29,579 --> 01:19:32,241 And when you get out of here, you have a drink for me, yeah? 1964 01:19:32,241 --> 01:19:34,749 You just stay on our six and get inside. 1965 01:19:34,749 --> 01:19:37,620 We’ll make sure you get the package. 1966 01:19:37,620 --> 01:19:38,720 And we’ll get our ending. 1967 01:19:38,720 --> 01:19:42,152 [♪ thrilling music playing] 1968 01:19:55,033 --> 01:19:57,134 [♪ music fades out] 1969 01:19:59,609 --> 01:20:01,644 [all yelling] 1970 01:20:05,879 --> 01:20:09,179 [♪ epic music playing] 1971 01:20:10,587 --> 01:20:12,314 [all grunting] 1972 01:20:34,677 --> 01:20:35,546 [groans] 1973 01:20:35,546 --> 01:20:37,581 [electrical roar and hum] 1974 01:20:37,581 --> 01:20:39,341 [crackling] 1975 01:20:49,417 --> 01:20:50,220 And boom! 1976 01:20:50,220 --> 01:20:52,321 [all grunting] 1977 01:20:52,530 --> 01:20:54,356 [laughs, grunts] 1978 01:21:19,755 --> 01:21:20,723 [♪ music stops] 1979 01:21:20,723 --> 01:21:24,023 Heh. Some motherfuckers still trying to ice skate uphill. 1980 01:21:24,023 --> 01:21:26,025 [henchmen yelling] 1981 01:21:28,258 --> 01:21:29,831 [slurps] 1982 01:21:29,831 --> 01:21:30,634 [footsteps] 1983 01:21:30,634 --> 01:21:33,065 You two escaping, I could live with. 1984 01:21:33,065 --> 01:21:36,805 But coming back? Willingly? 1985 01:21:37,674 --> 01:21:39,071 Boys are so silly. 1986 01:21:39,071 --> 01:21:40,105 [Deadpool] I just need to get home. 1987 01:21:40,105 --> 01:21:42,580 Well, that’s not on the menu, I’m afraid. 1988 01:21:42,580 --> 01:21:46,507 It’s death or enslavement. A la carte, of course. 1989 01:21:46,507 --> 01:21:48,916 - Upsy-daisy. - [grunting] 1990 01:21:53,723 --> 01:21:54,185 Finally, 1991 01:21:54,185 --> 01:21:56,660 it’s nice to give someone else a chance to talk. 1992 01:21:56,660 --> 01:21:58,519 Not my strong suit. 1993 01:21:58,519 --> 01:22:00,961 [groaning and grunting] 1994 01:22:02,600 --> 01:22:04,635 [straining] 1995 01:22:12,907 --> 01:22:14,370 [yells] 1996 01:22:15,503 --> 01:22:16,075 [exhales] 1997 01:22:16,075 --> 01:22:18,242 You shouldn’t have done that. 1998 01:22:19,617 --> 01:22:20,585 [grunts] 1999 01:22:20,585 --> 01:22:22,884 [groaning] 2000 01:22:24,116 --> 01:22:26,019 [grunting] 2001 01:22:30,628 --> 01:22:32,223 [yells] 2002 01:22:32,597 --> 01:22:34,060 [growls] 2003 01:22:36,161 --> 01:22:37,426 [screams] 2004 01:22:37,426 --> 01:22:39,263 Adios, pendejo. 2005 01:22:39,901 --> 01:22:40,561 [yells] 2006 01:22:40,561 --> 01:22:43,432 You are an interesting one, aren’t you? 2007 01:22:43,432 --> 01:22:47,205 I do feel like you get lost behind all of his... 2008 01:22:47,205 --> 01:22:49,713 [imitates yapping] 2009 01:22:49,713 --> 01:22:53,750 Deadpools are a dime a dozen here in The Void. 2010 01:22:54,014 --> 01:22:55,752 But you... 2011 01:22:55,752 --> 01:22:59,415 What’s going on in here? 2012 01:22:59,756 --> 01:23:01,824 [groaning] 2013 01:23:02,583 --> 01:23:04,860 [screaming] 2014 01:23:05,795 --> 01:23:08,061 - [screaming stops] - [leaves rustling] 2015 01:23:08,061 --> 01:23:10,327 [distant female voice] Logan! 2016 01:23:12,065 --> 01:23:14,133 [Cassandra] Interesting... 2017 01:23:14,430 --> 01:23:17,169 Not what I expected back here. 2018 01:23:17,642 --> 01:23:19,644 Behind the anger. 2019 01:23:22,911 --> 01:23:24,011 You’re hiding. 2020 01:23:24,011 --> 01:23:25,782 - From them. - [sighs] 2021 01:23:25,782 --> 01:23:28,719 From all the ones you let down. 2022 01:23:30,688 --> 01:23:32,415 So much pain. 2023 01:23:34,516 --> 01:23:36,485 I walked away. 2024 01:23:36,485 --> 01:23:38,520 They called after me and I... 2025 01:23:38,520 --> 01:23:40,225 I walked away. 2026 01:23:40,797 --> 01:23:41,589 I always do. 2027 01:23:41,589 --> 01:23:43,701 - [child] Logan! - I know. 2028 01:23:45,098 --> 01:23:47,265 That’s not all you did. 2029 01:23:47,595 --> 01:23:48,101 Is it? 2030 01:23:48,101 --> 01:23:50,741 - [groans] - [flesh squelches] 2031 01:23:51,775 --> 01:23:53,810 You found them. 2032 01:23:54,107 --> 01:23:55,812 The X-Men. 2033 01:23:58,980 --> 01:24:00,718 [distant screaming] 2034 01:24:00,718 --> 01:24:01,213 Dead. 2035 01:24:01,213 --> 01:24:04,216 [♪ mournful music playing] 2036 01:24:04,216 --> 01:24:06,119 Piled like wood. 2037 01:24:06,823 --> 01:24:09,089 [Cassandra] What did you do? 2038 01:24:10,959 --> 01:24:12,455 I started killing. 2039 01:24:12,455 --> 01:24:16,162 And I couldn’t stop. I didn’t wanna stop. 2040 01:24:16,492 --> 01:24:19,770 [Cassandra] All those bad men. 2041 01:24:19,770 --> 01:24:21,233 [groans] 2042 01:24:23,070 --> 01:24:25,743 It’s not just the bad ones. 2043 01:24:26,634 --> 01:24:28,405 My little animal. 2044 01:24:29,879 --> 01:24:34,015 And I turned the whole world against the X-Men. 2045 01:24:34,015 --> 01:24:35,643 Blade! 2046 01:24:40,582 --> 01:24:42,287 Just once... 2047 01:24:42,826 --> 01:24:46,896 I wanna be the man that Charles thought I was. 2048 01:24:47,655 --> 01:24:49,129 Logan... 2049 01:24:49,591 --> 01:24:54,332 in The Void, you can be what you are. 2050 01:24:55,971 --> 01:24:58,204 I just wanna be free. 2051 01:24:58,204 --> 01:25:00,536 I can set you free. 2052 01:25:00,536 --> 01:25:02,340 [panting] 2053 01:25:05,145 --> 01:25:06,916 [yelps] 2054 01:25:10,953 --> 01:25:16,761 I can silence all those voices. 2055 01:25:16,761 --> 01:25:18,719 [silence falls] 2056 01:25:20,798 --> 01:25:22,360 [exhales] 2057 01:25:23,526 --> 01:25:25,099 I’ve got you. 2058 01:25:27,035 --> 01:25:28,806 I’ve got you. 2059 01:25:28,971 --> 01:25:30,368 No. 2060 01:25:31,138 --> 01:25:32,876 I got you. 2061 01:25:33,173 --> 01:25:34,636 [indistinct whining] 2062 01:25:34,636 --> 01:25:36,605 [grunting in pain] 2063 01:25:36,605 --> 01:25:37,738 [gasps] 2064 01:25:37,738 --> 01:25:39,817 [yelling] 2065 01:25:39,817 --> 01:25:41,984 [Cassandra grunts] Get it off! 2066 01:25:41,984 --> 01:25:43,414 [Deadpool] You’re gonna send us home, 2067 01:25:43,414 --> 01:25:45,119 or I’m gonna twist your fucking head off. 2068 01:25:45,119 --> 01:25:47,583 - [laughs] - Why are you laughing? 2069 01:25:47,583 --> 01:25:48,485 I can’t send you home 2070 01:25:48,485 --> 01:25:51,796 unless you get this thing off my head. 2071 01:25:51,796 --> 01:25:52,654 And as soon as you do that, 2072 01:25:52,654 --> 01:25:55,426 I’m going to boil your brains on an atomic level 2073 01:25:55,426 --> 01:25:58,627 whilst flicking my bean to the Enya box set. 2074 01:25:58,627 --> 01:26:00,167 [Deadpool] There’s an Enya box set? 2075 01:26:00,167 --> 01:26:01,762 Either you kill me 2076 01:26:01,762 --> 01:26:03,632 or I kill you. 2077 01:26:03,841 --> 01:26:05,535 Both wonderful options. 2078 01:26:05,535 --> 01:26:07,240 [Deadpool] You want me to do it? 2079 01:26:07,240 --> 01:26:07,845 No, I’ll do it. 2080 01:26:07,845 --> 01:26:09,077 [Deadpool] I have her neck right here. 2081 01:26:09,077 --> 01:26:10,947 - It’s really no problem. - You’ll screw it up. 2082 01:26:10,947 --> 01:26:12,850 [Deadpool] Oh, come on, Mr. PG-13, 2083 01:26:12,850 --> 01:26:13,708 except the last one! 2084 01:26:13,708 --> 01:26:16,711 - [gunshots] - What the fuck? 2085 01:26:16,821 --> 01:26:19,681 - [gasping] - [chuckles] You have no idea 2086 01:26:19,681 --> 01:26:20,418 what it’s like! 2087 01:26:20,418 --> 01:26:23,751 Day after day. Shovel the shit. 2088 01:26:23,751 --> 01:26:25,159 Fetch the meats. 2089 01:26:25,159 --> 01:26:28,965 I have spent my entire exis-- 2090 01:26:29,933 --> 01:26:31,396 Not everyone gets a speech. 2091 01:26:31,396 --> 01:26:33,904 - [groaning] - She’s gonna die. 2092 01:26:33,904 --> 01:26:35,840 [Deadpool] Okay. Hey, hey. If I take this helmet off, 2093 01:26:35,840 --> 01:26:37,699 do you promise you won’t kill us? 2094 01:26:37,699 --> 01:26:39,008 - Fuck! - [Cassandra] I promise... 2095 01:26:39,008 --> 01:26:40,438 I will kill you first thing. 2096 01:26:40,438 --> 01:26:42,847 [Deadpool] Oh! Why are you like this? 2097 01:26:42,847 --> 01:26:43,738 I wish I knew. 2098 01:26:43,738 --> 01:26:45,080 - Take it off. - [Deadpool] What? 2099 01:26:45,080 --> 01:26:46,114 - Take it off. - [Deadpool] Why? 2100 01:26:46,114 --> 01:26:47,676 - Just take it off. - This is our only chance 2101 01:26:47,676 --> 01:26:50,811 - to fix our shit! - Take it off! 2102 01:26:51,889 --> 01:26:53,583 I am wearing this suit. 2103 01:26:53,583 --> 01:26:57,224 And that means a lot of things, but most of all... 2104 01:26:57,928 --> 01:26:59,930 it means I’m an X-Man. 2105 01:27:00,161 --> 01:27:02,328 And I know your brother. 2106 01:27:03,494 --> 01:27:04,759 As much as I want to fucking kill you, 2107 01:27:04,759 --> 01:27:07,597 every bone in my body wants to fucking kill you, 2108 01:27:07,597 --> 01:27:12,074 he would not let me stand here and watch you die! 2109 01:27:13,768 --> 01:27:15,803 Take your hands off. 2110 01:27:16,804 --> 01:27:18,740 This is for him. 2111 01:27:19,807 --> 01:27:21,886 This is for Charles. 2112 01:27:23,613 --> 01:27:25,813 [Cassandra panting] 2113 01:27:28,783 --> 01:27:30,521 [exhales deeply] 2114 01:27:30,521 --> 01:27:32,424 - [grunts] - [Deadpool] Hey, no, no, no! 2115 01:27:32,424 --> 01:27:35,031 Don’t you dare do me like Johnny! 2116 01:27:40,630 --> 01:27:42,401 My brother loved you. 2117 01:27:43,633 --> 01:27:45,371 He loved all of us. 2118 01:27:45,668 --> 01:27:47,076 Hmm. 2119 01:27:47,868 --> 01:27:49,705 Must be nice. 2120 01:27:49,804 --> 01:27:52,048 He would’ve loved you, too. 2121 01:27:54,083 --> 01:27:56,085 If he knew about you... 2122 01:27:56,954 --> 01:27:58,021 if he knew where you were, 2123 01:27:58,021 --> 01:28:00,815 he would’ve torn a hole in the fucking universe 2124 01:28:00,815 --> 01:28:02,685 to bring you home. 2125 01:28:05,820 --> 01:28:07,426 This is my home. 2126 01:28:07,426 --> 01:28:10,858 Well, then at least let us save his. 2127 01:28:13,938 --> 01:28:16,402 You want to hear something crazy? 2128 01:28:16,831 --> 01:28:21,275 An amateur magician rolled through here a while back. 2129 01:28:21,539 --> 01:28:23,112 I killed him, of course. 2130 01:28:23,112 --> 01:28:26,742 Wore his skin around for four days. 2131 01:28:27,017 --> 01:28:27,952 But 2132 01:28:27,952 --> 01:28:29,679 I found this 2133 01:28:29,679 --> 01:28:31,549 little trinket 2134 01:28:31,549 --> 01:28:33,815 on his lovely fingers. 2135 01:28:33,815 --> 01:28:35,817 [Deadpool] Strange! 2136 01:28:36,818 --> 01:28:37,456 [Deadpool gasps] 2137 01:28:37,456 --> 01:28:40,998 - Marvel sparkle circle. - [Wolverine] What is that? 2138 01:28:40,998 --> 01:28:42,758 This is your way home. 2139 01:28:42,758 --> 01:28:44,859 I do owe you for saving my life. 2140 01:28:44,859 --> 01:28:46,498 But let’s keep things interesting. 2141 01:28:46,498 --> 01:28:48,599 I’d say you have about four seconds 2142 01:28:48,599 --> 01:28:50,898 before you’re Alioth’s food. 2143 01:28:51,074 --> 01:28:53,274 [Alioth growling] 2144 01:28:54,143 --> 01:28:56,244 [Deadpool chuckles] Race ya. 2145 01:28:58,444 --> 01:29:00,611 [♪ slow jazz plays, Jimmy Durante "I’ll Be Seeing You"] 2146 01:29:00,611 --> 01:29:04,219 ♪ I’ll be seeing you ♪ 2147 01:29:04,219 --> 01:29:09,653 ♪ In all the old familiar places ♪ 2148 01:29:09,653 --> 01:29:15,329 ♪ That this heart of mine embraces ♪ 2149 01:29:15,329 --> 01:29:18,167 ♪ All day through ♪ 2150 01:29:20,631 --> 01:29:25,240 ♪ In that small cafe ♪ 2151 01:29:25,405 --> 01:29:30,047 - ♪ The park across the way ♪ - [screaming] 2152 01:29:30,872 --> 01:29:35,283 ♪ The children’s carousel ♪ 2153 01:29:35,283 --> 01:29:41,652 ♪ The chestnut trees, the wishing well ♪ 2154 01:29:42,554 --> 01:29:46,162 ♪ I’ll be seeing you ♪ 2155 01:29:46,162 --> 01:29:50,562 ♪ In every lovely summer’s day ♪ 2156 01:29:50,562 --> 01:29:51,134 [screams] 2157 01:29:51,134 --> 01:29:55,963 ♪ I’ll find you in the morning sun ♪ 2158 01:29:55,963 --> 01:30:01,276 ♪ And when the night is new ♪ 2159 01:30:02,739 --> 01:30:09,317 ♪ I’ll be looking at the moon ♪ 2160 01:30:09,779 --> 01:30:15,851 ♪ But I’ll be seeing you ♪ 2161 01:30:15,851 --> 01:30:17,853 [Alioth snarls] 2162 01:30:18,326 --> 01:30:21,021 [Peter] And as I said, we’ve got a standard three-year 2163 01:30:21,021 --> 01:30:22,429 bumper to bumper warranty. 2164 01:30:22,429 --> 01:30:23,991 Glad you gave us a second chance. 2165 01:30:23,991 --> 01:30:25,630 And don’t worry. Wade and I are a team, 2166 01:30:25,630 --> 01:30:28,303 so I’ll see he gets half the commission-- 2167 01:30:28,435 --> 01:30:29,139 [all gasp] 2168 01:30:29,139 --> 01:30:30,140 - [Deadpool groans] - Whoa. 2169 01:30:30,140 --> 01:30:32,142 [Deadpool] That feels like a Kia. 2170 01:30:32,142 --> 01:30:36,080 It’s a fucking Kia Carnival, isn’t it? [groans] 2171 01:30:36,443 --> 01:30:39,545 Holy shit. That’s Deadpool. 2172 01:30:39,545 --> 01:30:40,381 And that’s Wolverine. 2173 01:30:40,381 --> 01:30:42,042 [Deadpool] You’re damn straight it is. 2174 01:30:42,042 --> 01:30:42,977 Fox killed him. 2175 01:30:42,977 --> 01:30:43,714 Disney brought him back. 2176 01:30:43,714 --> 01:30:46,387 They’re going to make him do this till he’s 90. 2177 01:30:46,519 --> 01:30:47,817 Let’s go. 2178 01:30:47,817 --> 01:30:49,522 [Peter] I’ll clock you out! 2179 01:30:49,522 --> 01:30:51,359 [Deadpool] Forever! 2180 01:30:51,722 --> 01:30:53,229 Forever. 2181 01:30:59,895 --> 01:31:00,599 Wakey-wakey. 2182 01:31:00,599 --> 01:31:03,272 - [snorts] God? - [chuckles] 2183 01:31:03,371 --> 01:31:07,067 Now, you put all these bullets in my belly, 2184 01:31:07,067 --> 01:31:09,707 and I’m gonna find out why. 2185 01:31:09,707 --> 01:31:11,313 Whoa, whoa! 2186 01:31:11,412 --> 01:31:12,776 I’ll just say it. 2187 01:31:12,776 --> 01:31:15,009 You don’t have to stick your fingers in me. 2188 01:31:15,009 --> 01:31:18,155 Jesus, just ask sometimes. 2189 01:31:18,155 --> 01:31:19,816 Fine. 2190 01:31:20,586 --> 01:31:21,884 Really? 2191 01:31:21,884 --> 01:31:23,083 Hands in pockets. 2192 01:31:23,083 --> 01:31:24,722 [breathing heavily] 2193 01:31:24,722 --> 01:31:26,361 Guy named Paradox. 2194 01:31:26,361 --> 01:31:27,593 He said he’d get me out of The Void. 2195 01:31:27,593 --> 01:31:30,497 All I know is he works for the TVA. 2196 01:31:30,497 --> 01:31:31,168 The TVA. 2197 01:31:31,168 --> 01:31:32,466 We had an agreement. 2198 01:31:32,466 --> 01:31:34,666 I don’t think this guy cares. 2199 01:31:34,666 --> 01:31:37,064 Huh. He will. 2200 01:31:37,064 --> 01:31:37,669 Hey, people! 2201 01:31:37,669 --> 01:31:40,067 How much longer before the Time Ripper is active? 2202 01:31:40,067 --> 01:31:41,541 We’re running the final safety checks. 2203 01:31:41,541 --> 01:31:44,643 Oh, okay. All right. Thanks for all your hard work, Ralph. 2204 01:31:44,643 --> 01:31:46,183 - Take your time. - Really? 2205 01:31:46,183 --> 01:31:47,943 No, you drooling boob! 2206 01:31:47,943 --> 01:31:48,713 No! We have company. 2207 01:31:48,713 --> 01:31:52,651 Cancel the safety checks. We need to be live now! 2208 01:31:52,651 --> 01:31:54,950 Oh, I hate you so much. 2209 01:31:56,523 --> 01:31:57,117 No! Stop! 2210 01:31:57,117 --> 01:31:58,591 Piss off! You’re too late. 2211 01:31:58,591 --> 01:32:00,890 - You’re fuckin’ done. - Why was Thor crying? 2212 01:32:00,890 --> 01:32:01,792 [Mr. Paradox] How dare you! 2213 01:32:01,792 --> 01:32:04,498 No one comes back from The Void. 2214 01:32:04,498 --> 01:32:06,863 Tell that to Cassandra Nova. 2215 01:32:06,995 --> 01:32:10,064 [♪ choral music playing] 2216 01:32:14,739 --> 01:32:17,676 Paradox. We have a problem. 2217 01:32:17,907 --> 01:32:19,645 [bones snap] 2218 01:32:19,777 --> 01:32:21,812 [Cassandra] Paradox. 2219 01:32:22,615 --> 01:32:25,882 Well, you are doughier than you looked in Pyro’s head. 2220 01:32:25,882 --> 01:32:27,191 You tried to kill me. 2221 01:32:27,191 --> 01:32:28,786 I literally have no i-- 2222 01:32:28,786 --> 01:32:30,854 [Cassandra] You come for the king, 2223 01:32:30,854 --> 01:32:32,922 you better kill the king. 2224 01:32:32,922 --> 01:32:33,659 [Deadpool] Oh-ho-ho! 2225 01:32:33,659 --> 01:32:35,892 Welcome to the skull fuck club, Paradox. 2226 01:32:35,892 --> 01:32:38,631 You know she doesn’t wash that hand. 2227 01:32:38,631 --> 01:32:40,468 - Oh. - [grunting strainfully] 2228 01:32:40,468 --> 01:32:42,096 What’s this? 2229 01:32:42,800 --> 01:32:44,065 A Time Ripper? 2230 01:32:44,065 --> 01:32:44,703 Naughty boy. 2231 01:32:44,703 --> 01:32:45,737 [Deadpool] Oh, no. We’re on it. 2232 01:32:45,737 --> 01:32:47,211 We’re gonna head down and dismantle that thing now. 2233 01:32:47,211 --> 01:32:50,071 We got ya, boo. You just keep playing those keys. 2234 01:32:50,071 --> 01:32:52,579 I don’t want to destroy it. 2235 01:32:52,579 --> 01:32:53,580 I want to use it. 2236 01:32:53,580 --> 01:32:57,177 Now, shoo. Mummy and Daddy are having a conversation. 2237 01:32:57,177 --> 01:32:59,289 [both yelling] 2238 01:33:02,721 --> 01:33:03,458 [groans] 2239 01:33:03,458 --> 01:33:05,592 You know, the funny thing is, 2240 01:33:05,592 --> 01:33:07,088 I was happy in The Void. 2241 01:33:07,088 --> 01:33:11,026 You sent your trash to me. Alioth and I cleaned it up. 2242 01:33:11,026 --> 01:33:12,896 Everyone was happy. 2243 01:33:12,896 --> 01:33:16,768 And then you had to go and piss on my side of the fence. 2244 01:33:16,768 --> 01:33:19,672 And so now the fence must come down. 2245 01:33:19,672 --> 01:33:21,641 I’m going to use your little Time Ripper. 2246 01:33:21,641 --> 01:33:24,380 And I’m going to destroy this universe 2247 01:33:24,380 --> 01:33:27,141 and the next and the next and the next 2248 01:33:27,141 --> 01:33:31,178 until all that’s left is The Void. 2249 01:33:31,178 --> 01:33:33,488 And I get to play God. 2250 01:33:33,488 --> 01:33:35,050 - Come on. - [Mr. Paradox groans] 2251 01:33:35,050 --> 01:33:35,952 Now you’re going to show me 2252 01:33:35,952 --> 01:33:37,756 how to use this fancy gadget of yours. 2253 01:33:37,756 --> 01:33:39,758 And don’t worry, I’ve called some friends 2254 01:33:39,758 --> 01:33:42,365 to make sure we’re not disturbed. 2255 01:33:44,499 --> 01:33:45,698 - [knock at door] - Sorry to bother, madam, 2256 01:33:45,698 --> 01:33:47,469 but there’s something you need to see. 2257 01:33:47,469 --> 01:33:50,571 We’re getting indications of an unsanctioned Time Ripper 2258 01:33:50,571 --> 01:33:53,673 activating on Earth-10005. 2259 01:33:54,641 --> 01:33:56,676 Whose district is that? 2260 01:33:56,874 --> 01:33:58,282 Paradox. 2261 01:34:05,784 --> 01:34:08,622 [Mr. Paradox gasps, exhales] 2262 01:34:08,622 --> 01:34:11,020 Well, thank you so much for your help, darling. 2263 01:34:11,020 --> 01:34:13,660 God. Good to get out of that head. 2264 01:34:13,660 --> 01:34:16,333 Whew! What a mess! 2265 01:34:16,927 --> 01:34:19,028 [both groaning] 2266 01:34:23,230 --> 01:34:23,835 [Deadpool] Stop! 2267 01:34:23,835 --> 01:34:25,969 Let’s give it a beat for the extras to clear. 2268 01:34:25,969 --> 01:34:29,203 Go, go, go, go, go! Oh, my God! 2269 01:34:33,108 --> 01:34:36,617 - Oh. My. God. - Fuck. 2270 01:34:36,617 --> 01:34:40,885 [♪ classic rock music plays, "Make Me Lose Control"] 2271 01:34:43,723 --> 01:34:45,956 [Deadpool] It’s her! 2272 01:34:45,956 --> 01:34:48,959 - Come on, girl! - [Dogpool barks] 2273 01:34:49,663 --> 01:34:50,125 [barks] 2274 01:34:50,125 --> 01:34:51,797 ♪ Was love always this good ♪ 2275 01:34:51,797 --> 01:34:54,932 ♪ Or could this be just the start? ♪ 2276 01:34:54,932 --> 01:34:56,868 Come on, girl! 2277 01:34:56,868 --> 01:34:58,298 ♪ Baby, baby ♪ 2278 01:34:58,298 --> 01:35:03,446 ♪ Turn the radio up for that sweet sound ♪ 2279 01:35:03,446 --> 01:35:07,813 ♪ Hold me close, never let me go ♪ 2280 01:35:07,813 --> 01:35:10,717 ♪ Keep this feelin’ alive... ♪ 2281 01:35:10,717 --> 01:35:11,718 That’s my girl! 2282 01:35:11,718 --> 01:35:13,016 We don’t have to be apart 2283 01:35:13,016 --> 01:35:15,150 ever, ever again. Never, ever... 2284 01:35:15,150 --> 01:35:16,756 - Sorry! - [Deadpool] Fuck! 2285 01:35:16,756 --> 01:35:17,460 [♪ song stops] 2286 01:35:17,460 --> 01:35:19,088 What’s Cafe Gratitude doing here? 2287 01:35:19,088 --> 01:35:20,628 - Sorry about that. - [Dogpool whimpering] 2288 01:35:20,628 --> 01:35:23,059 [Deadpool] Tremble not, sweet Mary Puppins. 2289 01:35:23,059 --> 01:35:24,830 [whispers] I’ll handle him. 2290 01:35:24,830 --> 01:35:25,765 Come here, girl. Papa’s here. 2291 01:35:25,765 --> 01:35:29,065 [Deadpool] Hey, do not insult this animal’s autonomy. 2292 01:35:29,065 --> 01:35:31,507 She can decide who her papa is. 2293 01:35:31,507 --> 01:35:32,508 What’s it gonna be, girl, huh? 2294 01:35:32,508 --> 01:35:34,642 Original recipe or Van Milder here? 2295 01:35:34,642 --> 01:35:39,482 Ah, that’s funny. I can gently tap the fourth wall too. 2296 01:35:39,482 --> 01:35:41,242 The Proposal. 2297 01:35:41,880 --> 01:35:42,848 [Deadpool] The fuck was that? 2298 01:35:42,848 --> 01:35:44,883 Bitch, you think that’s what I do? 2299 01:35:44,883 --> 01:35:45,851 Both of you shut up. 2300 01:35:45,851 --> 01:35:48,183 - [sniffs] - You smell somethin’? 2301 01:35:48,183 --> 01:35:48,887 Yeah, you. 2302 01:35:48,887 --> 01:35:51,054 - [sniffs] - A lot of you. 2303 01:35:51,054 --> 01:35:54,794 [♪ dramatic mysterious music playing] 2304 01:36:05,574 --> 01:36:06,069 [tink] 2305 01:36:06,069 --> 01:36:08,709 Told you there were a lot of Deadpools over there. 2306 01:36:08,709 --> 01:36:11,844 [♪ dramatic music continues] 2307 01:36:20,556 --> 01:36:22,382 [Deadpool] That’s bad. 2308 01:36:39,971 --> 01:36:41,874 [neck cracks] 2309 01:36:42,842 --> 01:36:43,777 [♪ music fades out] 2310 01:36:43,777 --> 01:36:45,548 I take it they’re not friendly. 2311 01:36:45,548 --> 01:36:46,274 [Nicepool] Goodness, no. 2312 01:36:46,274 --> 01:36:47,946 Sorry about this, boys. Mission over. 2313 01:36:47,946 --> 01:36:51,752 Cause of death, one hundred kill-thirsty Deadpools. 2314 01:36:51,752 --> 01:36:52,379 They’re dumb. 2315 01:36:52,379 --> 01:36:53,622 But they can fight. Not me, though. 2316 01:36:53,622 --> 01:36:56,757 Would love to get in the mix, but I have low bone density 2317 01:36:56,757 --> 01:36:58,627 and I have to keep my face safe. 2318 01:36:58,627 --> 01:36:59,859 [Deadpool smooches] Hold, please. 2319 01:36:59,859 --> 01:37:02,829 - Oh, God. - [Deadpool] All right. Look. 2320 01:37:02,829 --> 01:37:04,325 Guys! 2321 01:37:04,831 --> 01:37:06,096 Deadpool Prime here. 2322 01:37:06,096 --> 01:37:08,065 - Our fight isn’t with you-- - [kid] Hey! 2323 01:37:08,065 --> 01:37:09,099 When I want your opinion, 2324 01:37:09,099 --> 01:37:11,673 I’ll take Wolverine’s dick out of your mouth. 2325 01:37:11,673 --> 01:37:13,510 That’s Kidpool. She’s the dirtiest. 2326 01:37:13,510 --> 01:37:14,544 [Deadpool] Can we just be done? 2327 01:37:14,544 --> 01:37:16,744 [Ladypool] Ooh, we’re just getting started. 2328 01:37:16,744 --> 01:37:17,712 [Deadpool] No, no, no, no, no. 2329 01:37:17,712 --> 01:37:21,111 With the whole multiverse thing. 2330 01:37:21,518 --> 01:37:22,750 It’s not great. 2331 01:37:22,750 --> 01:37:24,620 It’s just been miss 2332 01:37:24,620 --> 01:37:26,116 after miss 2333 01:37:26,116 --> 01:37:27,447 after miss. 2334 01:37:27,447 --> 01:37:29,922 Look, The Wizard of Oz did the multiverse first, 2335 01:37:29,922 --> 01:37:33,222 and they did it best. The gays knew it. 2336 01:37:33,222 --> 01:37:34,124 But we didn’t listen. 2337 01:37:34,124 --> 01:37:36,863 Let’s just take the L and move on. 2338 01:37:36,863 --> 01:37:39,668 I think it’s been steadily great since Endgame. 2339 01:37:39,668 --> 01:37:41,703 [Ladypool] What are you talking about? 2340 01:37:41,703 --> 01:37:42,935 The multiverse is over. 2341 01:37:42,935 --> 01:37:44,431 [Cowboypool] Cassandy gonna destroy 2342 01:37:44,431 --> 01:37:46,037 the fuck outta every timeline. 2343 01:37:46,037 --> 01:37:47,676 Heh. Y’all can’t do shit about it. 2344 01:37:47,676 --> 01:37:48,578 [Deadpool] Do you not get it? 2345 01:37:48,578 --> 01:37:49,942 If we don’t go down to the subway 2346 01:37:49,942 --> 01:37:50,811 and stop her, we all die. 2347 01:37:50,811 --> 01:37:52,109 [Cowboypool] Say, the boss lady 2348 01:37:52,109 --> 01:37:53,110 don’t want no disturbances. 2349 01:37:53,110 --> 01:37:55,244 You wanna get down to the subway, 2350 01:37:55,244 --> 01:37:56,685 you gotta go through us. 2351 01:37:56,685 --> 01:37:57,719 Uzi time, baby. 2352 01:37:57,719 --> 01:37:58,852 [Ladypool] Uzi time, baby. 2353 01:37:58,852 --> 01:38:00,854 [Deadpool] Look alive! 2354 01:38:00,953 --> 01:38:02,757 [Headpool yells] 2355 01:38:08,763 --> 01:38:09,225 [grunts] 2356 01:38:09,225 --> 01:38:11,194 - I think I’m hit. - [Wolverine] No shit. 2357 01:38:11,194 --> 01:38:11,964 You did that on purpose. 2358 01:38:11,964 --> 01:38:14,032 [Deadpool] I did no such thing! 2359 01:38:14,032 --> 01:38:14,769 Listen to me, gorgeous. 2360 01:38:14,769 --> 01:38:16,837 How long does it take for you to regenerate? 2361 01:38:16,837 --> 01:38:18,773 Regenerate? 2362 01:38:19,708 --> 01:38:22,810 - [crow caws] - [Dogpool grunts] 2363 01:38:22,810 --> 01:38:23,470 [retches] 2364 01:38:23,470 --> 01:38:25,648 You really are God’s perfect idiot, aren’t you? 2365 01:38:25,648 --> 01:38:27,276 - I’m okay. - [Deadpool] How dare you! 2366 01:38:27,276 --> 01:38:28,948 You insensitive son of a bitch! 2367 01:38:28,948 --> 01:38:31,654 How was I supposed to know he doesn’t regenerate? 2368 01:38:31,654 --> 01:38:32,655 I’m not a medicine woman. 2369 01:38:32,655 --> 01:38:35,449 Look. A donut cart. They’re practically hospitals. 2370 01:38:35,449 --> 01:38:36,384 - What? - [Deadpool] They sell 2371 01:38:36,384 --> 01:38:37,594 - portable triage units. - They don’t. 2372 01:38:37,594 --> 01:38:38,892 [Deadpool] I’m gonna get you to safety. 2373 01:38:38,892 --> 01:38:41,796 - He’s not. - [Deadpool] Deep breath. 2374 01:38:48,495 --> 01:38:49,100 [panting] 2375 01:38:49,100 --> 01:38:50,904 Hey, why are we stopping? 2376 01:38:50,904 --> 01:38:52,070 [Deadpool] I’m just catching my breath. 2377 01:38:52,070 --> 01:38:55,469 What, are your legs on vacation? You’re dead weight! 2378 01:38:55,469 --> 01:38:56,536 That’s because I’m paralyzed. 2379 01:38:56,536 --> 01:38:59,616 [Deadpool] We all have problems. Listen to me. 2380 01:38:59,616 --> 01:39:01,244 You’re gonna live. 2381 01:39:01,651 --> 01:39:02,916 Look at me, Nicepool. 2382 01:39:02,916 --> 01:39:05,149 [gunfire continues] 2383 01:39:06,887 --> 01:39:08,856 You’re gonna live. 2384 01:39:09,021 --> 01:39:10,726 Say it! 2385 01:39:10,726 --> 01:39:11,859 I’m gonna live. 2386 01:39:11,859 --> 01:39:14,158 Say it with me. You’re gonna live. 2387 01:39:14,158 --> 01:39:16,061 [fumbling] I’m gonna live! 2388 01:39:16,061 --> 01:39:20,131 [Deadpool] Ha-hah! Say it louder! 2389 01:39:20,131 --> 01:39:22,001 I’m gonna live-- 2390 01:39:24,608 --> 01:39:26,236 [gunfire] 2391 01:39:30,207 --> 01:39:32,275 Hold your fire! 2392 01:39:33,540 --> 01:39:35,652 Sweet little puppy. 2393 01:39:44,661 --> 01:39:46,157 [Deadpool grunting] God damn it! 2394 01:39:46,157 --> 01:39:48,665 I don’t think he’s gonna make it. 2395 01:39:48,665 --> 01:39:50,161 God, he loved his face. 2396 01:39:50,161 --> 01:39:52,999 I can taste his final thought. 2397 01:39:52,999 --> 01:39:54,638 He was so afraid. 2398 01:39:54,638 --> 01:39:55,463 But he died a hero. 2399 01:39:55,463 --> 01:39:57,366 He died from murder, you dumb fuck. 2400 01:39:57,366 --> 01:40:00,402 [Deadpool] And all I have to remember him by 2401 01:40:00,567 --> 01:40:02,107 are these two gold-plated, 2402 01:40:02,107 --> 01:40:04,879 ...50 caliber Desert Eagle pistoleros. 2403 01:40:04,879 --> 01:40:06,408 This is for him. 2404 01:40:06,540 --> 01:40:07,882 Are you ready? 2405 01:40:07,882 --> 01:40:09,950 I get to kill a hundred yous? 2406 01:40:09,950 --> 01:40:11,787 Fuck yeah, I’m ready. 2407 01:40:11,787 --> 01:40:13,613 Hey, you don’t want to see this, bub. 2408 01:40:13,613 --> 01:40:14,515 [Deadpool] That’s a good girl. 2409 01:40:14,515 --> 01:40:18,662 [♪ ’80s pop music plays, Madonna "Like a Prayer"] 2410 01:40:19,025 --> 01:40:23,359 ♪ Life is a mystery ♪ 2411 01:40:23,359 --> 01:40:27,627 ♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪ 2412 01:40:27,627 --> 01:40:32,632 ♪ I hear you call my name ♪ 2413 01:40:32,632 --> 01:40:37,373 ♪ And it feels like ♪ 2414 01:40:37,373 --> 01:40:40,178 ♪ Home... ♪ 2415 01:40:51,761 --> 01:40:52,960 [Deadpool] Holy shit. 2416 01:40:52,960 --> 01:40:55,897 You save the good stuff for special occasions? 2417 01:40:55,897 --> 01:40:56,700 Killing, mostly. 2418 01:40:56,700 --> 01:40:58,163 [Deadpool] What’s the wind resistance 2419 01:40:58,163 --> 01:40:59,098 on those blowjob handles? 2420 01:40:59,098 --> 01:41:01,001 - [grunts] - [laughs] I’m sorry. 2421 01:41:01,001 --> 01:41:04,037 I’m just a catty bitch when I’m jealous. 2422 01:41:04,037 --> 01:41:05,973 All right, let’s do this. 2423 01:41:05,973 --> 01:41:07,876 Maximum effort. 2424 01:41:09,845 --> 01:41:11,715 [♪ song pauses] 2425 01:41:14,608 --> 01:41:16,753 [Deadpools yelling] 2426 01:41:16,852 --> 01:41:18,117 - [♪ song resumes playing] - [all grunting] 2427 01:41:18,117 --> 01:41:21,549 ♪ When you call my name It’s like a little prayer ♪ 2428 01:41:21,549 --> 01:41:25,795 ♪ I’m down on my knees I want to take you there ♪ 2429 01:41:25,795 --> 01:41:29,931 ♪ In the midnight hour I can feel your power ♪ 2430 01:41:29,931 --> 01:41:34,936 ♪ Just like a prayer You know I’ll take you there ♪ 2431 01:41:34,936 --> 01:41:38,808 ♪ Life is a mystery ♪ 2432 01:41:38,808 --> 01:41:42,944 ♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪ 2433 01:41:42,944 --> 01:41:46,882 ♪ I hear you call my name ♪ 2434 01:41:46,882 --> 01:41:47,751 You’re dead. 2435 01:41:47,751 --> 01:41:52,679 ♪ And it feels like ♪ 2436 01:41:53,757 --> 01:41:54,923 [Deadpools yelling] 2437 01:41:54,923 --> 01:41:56,716 ♪ Let the choir sing ♪ 2438 01:41:56,716 --> 01:42:00,830 ♪ When you call my name It’s like a little prayer ♪ 2439 01:42:00,830 --> 01:42:05,197 ♪ I’m down on my knees I wanna take you there ♪ 2440 01:42:05,197 --> 01:42:09,300 ♪ In the midnight hour I can feel your power ♪ 2441 01:42:09,300 --> 01:42:13,810 ♪ Just like a prayer You know I’ll take you there ♪ 2442 01:42:13,810 --> 01:42:15,779 Motherfucker. 2443 01:42:15,779 --> 01:42:17,011 I wish I were deaf. 2444 01:42:17,011 --> 01:42:18,111 ♪ I’ll take you there ♪ 2445 01:42:18,111 --> 01:42:19,640 ♪ It’s like a dream to me ♪ 2446 01:42:19,640 --> 01:42:21,741 ♪ Oh oh, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ 2447 01:42:21,741 --> 01:42:24,854 ♪ Just like a prayer, I’ll take you there ♪ 2448 01:42:24,854 --> 01:42:26,350 ♪ Oh yeah, yeah ♪ 2449 01:42:26,350 --> 01:42:28,957 ♪ It’s like a dream to me ♪ 2450 01:42:28,957 --> 01:42:31,828 ♪ Oh, oh ♪ 2451 01:42:31,828 --> 01:42:36,294 ♪ It’s like a prayer... ♪ 2452 01:42:36,525 --> 01:42:39,462 [crying Deadpool] I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. 2453 01:42:39,462 --> 01:42:41,101 I don’t wanna... 2454 01:42:47,910 --> 01:42:50,913 [♪ outro music playing] 2455 01:42:52,046 --> 01:42:53,982 - [♪ song ends] - [Deadpool grunts] 2456 01:42:53,982 --> 01:42:55,511 [Deadpool] Come on. 2457 01:42:55,511 --> 01:42:56,149 Oh, I blew it. 2458 01:42:56,149 --> 01:42:58,547 After all that, the only thing they’re gonna remember 2459 01:42:58,547 --> 01:43:01,187 is that God-awful dismount! 2460 01:43:01,616 --> 01:43:03,651 [giggling] 2461 01:43:04,718 --> 01:43:06,962 What you laughing at, you little fucker? 2462 01:43:06,962 --> 01:43:08,194 [Babypool] Uh-oh. 2463 01:43:08,194 --> 01:43:09,492 [Deadpool] Uh-oh. 2464 01:43:09,492 --> 01:43:11,593 [Babypool cooing] 2465 01:43:11,593 --> 01:43:13,496 [Babypool giggling] 2466 01:43:13,496 --> 01:43:16,004 I guess these ones regenerate. 2467 01:43:16,906 --> 01:43:19,909 Come on. We don’t have time for this. 2468 01:43:19,909 --> 01:43:21,075 [Peter] Deadpools! 2469 01:43:21,075 --> 01:43:22,978 Stand down. 2470 01:43:23,110 --> 01:43:26,179 [♪ heroic music playing] 2471 01:43:32,713 --> 01:43:34,187 This Deadpool’s with me. 2472 01:43:34,187 --> 01:43:35,617 [Deadpool] Oh, no. 2473 01:43:35,617 --> 01:43:36,717 [Ladypool] Holy shit. 2474 01:43:36,717 --> 01:43:38,653 [Kidpool] That’s fuckin’ Peter! 2475 01:43:38,653 --> 01:43:40,897 [Deadpools cheering] 2476 01:43:41,062 --> 01:43:42,657 [Deadpool] Wait, you... You guys know Peter? 2477 01:43:42,657 --> 01:43:45,066 [Ladypool] You kidding me? Every Deadpool has a Peter. 2478 01:43:45,066 --> 01:43:47,827 [Cowboypool] Shit. Peter’s a goddamn legend 2479 01:43:47,827 --> 01:43:49,565 in every Deadpool’s world. 2480 01:43:49,565 --> 01:43:51,875 Peter- san. Hai. 2481 01:43:51,875 --> 01:43:54,174 [Deadpools cheering] 2482 01:43:58,013 --> 01:43:58,640 [Peter laughs] 2483 01:43:58,640 --> 01:44:00,609 [Deadpools chanting] Peter. Peter. Peter. 2484 01:44:00,609 --> 01:44:03,920 Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. 2485 01:44:03,920 --> 01:44:06,989 - Peter. Peter. Peter. - [Peter laughing] 2486 01:44:06,989 --> 01:44:09,321 [Deadpool] Enjoy my Peter. 2487 01:44:09,321 --> 01:44:13,930 - [♪ tense music playing] - [Time Ripper thrumming] 2488 01:44:28,703 --> 01:44:30,980 [Time Ripper whirring] 2489 01:44:36,117 --> 01:44:36,843 Oh, now you’re here. 2490 01:44:36,843 --> 01:44:38,779 Oh, well, you’re too late. It’s all over. 2491 01:44:38,779 --> 01:44:39,483 Not yet, it’s not. 2492 01:44:39,483 --> 01:44:41,551 [Deadpool] Whoa. No, no, no. We’re very close. 2493 01:44:41,551 --> 01:44:42,959 Homestretch, folks. Promise. 2494 01:44:42,959 --> 01:44:44,356 Quick, let’s up the stakes. 2495 01:44:44,356 --> 01:44:45,555 If she steals the Time Ripper’s energy, 2496 01:44:45,555 --> 01:44:48,393 she has the power to shred the fabric of all realities 2497 01:44:48,393 --> 01:44:50,659 until there is nothing left but The Void. 2498 01:44:50,659 --> 01:44:52,034 How do we shut it down? 2499 01:44:52,034 --> 01:44:53,134 I don’t know. 2500 01:44:53,134 --> 01:44:54,663 [Mr. Paradox grunts] 2501 01:44:54,663 --> 01:44:55,499 [Wolverine] How about now? 2502 01:44:55,499 --> 01:44:56,830 [Deadpool] The mask is really intimidating, huh? 2503 01:44:56,830 --> 01:44:59,602 It’s like Batman, except he can move his neck. 2504 01:44:59,602 --> 01:45:01,736 Okay, look, look, look. 2505 01:45:01,736 --> 01:45:04,376 The Ripper is fed from a secure chamber below ground. 2506 01:45:04,376 --> 01:45:07,841 It is powered by twin matter and anti-matter feeds 2507 01:45:07,841 --> 01:45:09,480 converging inside the device. 2508 01:45:09,480 --> 01:45:10,283 Now, Cassandra Nova 2509 01:45:10,283 --> 01:45:11,482 is redirecting the Ripper’s power 2510 01:45:11,482 --> 01:45:13,781 to eliminate all timelines, starting with this one. 2511 01:45:13,781 --> 01:45:14,848 Theoretically, you could stop her 2512 01:45:14,848 --> 01:45:16,751 by short-circuiting the feeds in the chamber below. 2513 01:45:16,751 --> 01:45:19,589 One of you were to create a circuit between the two feeds, 2514 01:45:19,589 --> 01:45:22,856 then the released power would destroy the machine. 2515 01:45:22,856 --> 01:45:24,825 - But, well... But-- - [Deadpool] Come on, man. 2516 01:45:24,825 --> 01:45:26,827 If you’re not gonna swallow, spit it out. 2517 01:45:26,827 --> 01:45:30,798 Whoever formed the bridge would be annihilated. 2518 01:45:30,798 --> 01:45:31,535 I could live with that. 2519 01:45:31,535 --> 01:45:33,009 [Deadpool] Yeah, I could live with that, too, actually. 2520 01:45:33,009 --> 01:45:34,406 You know, we survive anything. We’re like cockroaches. 2521 01:45:34,406 --> 01:45:35,770 - [Deadpool chuckles] - [Mr. Paradox] Not this time. 2522 01:45:35,770 --> 01:45:37,981 This is matter and anti-matter. 2523 01:45:37,981 --> 01:45:39,807 They do not play nicely with each other. 2524 01:45:39,807 --> 01:45:43,415 When they mix in your body, you will be atomized. 2525 01:45:43,415 --> 01:45:45,417 Trust the laws of physics if you don’t trust me. 2526 01:45:45,417 --> 01:45:48,222 Even if you lived long enough to make the circuit, 2527 01:45:48,222 --> 01:45:51,720 you will die down there. 2528 01:45:56,692 --> 01:45:58,364 [crackling] 2529 01:46:04,865 --> 01:46:07,868 [♪ dramatic choral music playing] 2530 01:46:07,868 --> 01:46:09,771 [moaning] 2531 01:46:16,019 --> 01:46:17,416 [Wolverine] Hold off. Hold. 2532 01:46:17,416 --> 01:46:18,648 You heard that asshole upstairs. 2533 01:46:18,648 --> 01:46:23,620 Even if we pull this off, we’re dead. Permanently. 2534 01:46:23,620 --> 01:46:26,920 - That’s why it’s got to be me. - What? 2535 01:46:29,923 --> 01:46:31,793 Look, man... [panting] 2536 01:46:31,793 --> 01:46:34,532 you didn’t ask for any of this. 2537 01:46:34,532 --> 01:46:36,039 You were right. 2538 01:46:36,039 --> 01:46:37,568 I lied. 2539 01:46:37,568 --> 01:46:38,899 I lied right to your face 2540 01:46:38,899 --> 01:46:42,144 just to get you to help me. And you did. 2541 01:46:42,540 --> 01:46:44,641 You didn’t lie. 2542 01:46:45,675 --> 01:46:47,941 You made an educated wish. 2543 01:46:50,614 --> 01:46:52,011 Come on. 2544 01:46:52,011 --> 01:46:55,014 You got a whole world to go back to. 2545 01:46:55,949 --> 01:46:57,720 I got nothin’. 2546 01:46:59,095 --> 01:47:00,855 I got nothin’. 2547 01:47:05,134 --> 01:47:06,894 Give me this. 2548 01:47:13,538 --> 01:47:15,111 Hey. 2549 01:47:18,411 --> 01:47:21,381 I waited a long time for this team-up. 2550 01:47:22,943 --> 01:47:24,879 You know something? 2551 01:47:25,814 --> 01:47:28,014 You were the best Wolverine. 2552 01:47:28,014 --> 01:47:31,193 [♪ sentimental music playing] 2553 01:47:36,055 --> 01:47:38,926 Say hi to your friends for me. 2554 01:47:46,967 --> 01:47:48,870 [Wolverine grunts] 2555 01:47:50,707 --> 01:47:51,609 No! 2556 01:47:51,609 --> 01:47:52,247 Open the door! 2557 01:47:52,247 --> 01:47:54,942 [Deadpool] I can’t hear you over all the noble sacrifice. 2558 01:47:54,942 --> 01:47:56,515 Why are you fucking doing this? 2559 01:47:56,515 --> 01:48:00,684 [Deadpool] Because I’m Marvel Jesus. 2560 01:48:01,751 --> 01:48:03,258 Or Spock. 2561 01:48:03,918 --> 01:48:04,985 Hard to say. 2562 01:48:04,985 --> 01:48:06,855 [glass squeaks] 2563 01:48:07,625 --> 01:48:09,231 [smooches] 2564 01:48:09,528 --> 01:48:10,958 [Wolverine] Wade! 2565 01:48:10,958 --> 01:48:13,763 You fucking idiot! 2566 01:48:16,436 --> 01:48:19,472 [Deadpool laughs] Sorry, I’m just stalling. 2567 01:48:19,472 --> 01:48:22,376 I think I’m nervous about dying. 2568 01:48:22,607 --> 01:48:23,674 This should be me. 2569 01:48:23,674 --> 01:48:26,105 [Deadpool] Say hi to my friends for me, peanut. 2570 01:48:26,105 --> 01:48:26,809 [Wolverine] Wade! 2571 01:48:26,809 --> 01:48:28,943 You want to be an annoying prick, do it this side! 2572 01:48:28,943 --> 01:48:31,682 You’re gonna die in there, you dumb fuck! 2573 01:48:31,682 --> 01:48:33,849 [breathing heavily] 2574 01:48:38,084 --> 01:48:39,954 Hey! You don’t need to do this. 2575 01:48:39,954 --> 01:48:43,023 [Deadpool] I’m not doing it ’cause I need it. 2576 01:48:43,023 --> 01:48:45,828 I’m doing it because they do. 2577 01:48:45,828 --> 01:48:47,368 [grunts] 2578 01:48:49,095 --> 01:48:51,405 [straining] 2579 01:48:56,674 --> 01:48:58,280 No! 2580 01:48:58,709 --> 01:49:00,348 [grunting] 2581 01:49:01,943 --> 01:49:04,044 [straining] 2582 01:49:11,557 --> 01:49:12,987 [grunts] 2583 01:49:14,120 --> 01:49:16,265 [straining] 2584 01:49:22,161 --> 01:49:24,031 [exhales] 2585 01:49:24,031 --> 01:49:26,066 [continues straining] 2586 01:49:26,869 --> 01:49:29,135 He’s not gonna make it. 2587 01:49:32,039 --> 01:49:33,909 [strains] 2588 01:49:37,220 --> 01:49:38,980 It’s over. 2589 01:49:40,256 --> 01:49:41,851 [grunts] 2590 01:49:42,016 --> 01:49:43,886 [straining] 2591 01:49:46,460 --> 01:49:48,726 [continues straining] 2592 01:49:51,025 --> 01:49:51,630 [screaming] 2593 01:49:51,630 --> 01:49:52,961 [choir] ♪ When you call my name ♪ 2594 01:49:52,961 --> 01:49:54,732 ♪ It’s like a little prayer ♪ 2595 01:49:54,732 --> 01:49:56,767 ♪ I’m down on my knees ♪ 2596 01:49:56,767 --> 01:49:58,538 ♪ I want to take you there ♪ 2597 01:49:58,538 --> 01:50:02,443 ♪ In the midnight hour I can feel your power ♪ 2598 01:50:02,443 --> 01:50:06,843 ♪ Just like a prayer You know I’ll take you there ♪ 2599 01:50:06,843 --> 01:50:07,580 [grunting] 2600 01:50:07,580 --> 01:50:09,516 ♪ Take you there ♪ 2601 01:50:09,516 --> 01:50:13,487 ♪ Life is a mystery ♪ 2602 01:50:13,487 --> 01:50:16,952 ♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪ 2603 01:50:16,952 --> 01:50:17,854 [straining] 2604 01:50:17,854 --> 01:50:21,594 - ♪ I hear you call my name ♪ - [grunting] 2605 01:50:21,594 --> 01:50:24,927 - ♪ And it feels like ♪ - [straining] 2606 01:50:25,829 --> 01:50:30,801 - ♪ And it feels like home ♪ - [straining] 2607 01:50:30,801 --> 01:50:32,803 [rumbling] 2608 01:50:38,908 --> 01:50:40,910 [yelling] 2609 01:50:40,910 --> 01:50:43,044 [screaming] 2610 01:50:44,452 --> 01:50:45,552 [♪ music fades] 2611 01:50:45,552 --> 01:50:47,818 [Deadpool] The Wolverine. 2612 01:50:47,818 --> 01:50:50,722 He’s a hero in my world. 2613 01:50:51,558 --> 01:50:53,219 [Wolverine] Whoever you think I am, 2614 01:50:53,219 --> 01:50:55,364 you got the wrong guy. 2615 01:50:55,595 --> 01:50:58,763 [Laura] You were always the wrong guy... 2616 01:50:59,500 --> 01:51:00,336 till you weren’t. 2617 01:51:00,336 --> 01:51:02,998 ♪ Life is a mystery ♪ 2618 01:51:02,998 --> 01:51:04,098 [Mr. Paradox] Wade. 2619 01:51:04,098 --> 01:51:06,034 ♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪ 2620 01:51:06,034 --> 01:51:10,643 Wade. You can finally, finally matter. 2621 01:51:10,643 --> 01:51:12,975 ♪ I hear you call my name ♪ 2622 01:51:12,975 --> 01:51:18,321 ♪ And it feels like ♪ 2623 01:51:18,486 --> 01:51:22,589 ♪ Home ♪ 2624 01:51:22,589 --> 01:51:23,524 [straining] 2625 01:51:23,524 --> 01:51:27,121 ♪ I hear your voice ♪ 2626 01:51:27,121 --> 01:51:27,825 Vanessa. 2627 01:51:27,825 --> 01:51:30,597 ♪ It’s like an angel sighing ♪ 2628 01:51:30,597 --> 01:51:31,400 I wanna see Vanessa. 2629 01:51:31,400 --> 01:51:36,064 ♪ I have no choice I hear your voice ♪ 2630 01:51:36,064 --> 01:51:37,769 ♪ Feels like flying ♪ 2631 01:51:37,769 --> 01:51:43,808 For the first time in my life, I am proud to wear this suit. 2632 01:51:44,072 --> 01:51:46,712 It means I’m an X-Man. 2633 01:51:48,582 --> 01:51:49,550 I am the X-Man. 2634 01:51:49,550 --> 01:51:50,914 ♪ I can feel your power ♪ 2635 01:51:50,914 --> 01:51:55,754 ♪ Just like a prayer You know I’ll take you there ♪ 2636 01:51:55,754 --> 01:51:56,359 [screaming] 2637 01:51:56,359 --> 01:51:59,824 ♪ When you call my name It’s like a little prayer ♪ 2638 01:51:59,824 --> 01:52:02,860 ♪ I’m down on my knees ♪ 2639 01:52:02,860 --> 01:52:03,465 [screaming] 2640 01:52:03,465 --> 01:52:07,997 ♪ In the midnight hour I can feel your power ♪ 2641 01:52:07,997 --> 01:52:08,998 ♪ Just like a prayer ♪ 2642 01:52:08,998 --> 01:52:14,410 ♪ You know I’ll take you, take you, take you ♪ 2643 01:52:15,972 --> 01:52:18,040 [♪ song fades out] 2644 01:52:24,420 --> 01:52:27,280 [♪ solemn music playing] 2645 01:52:34,089 --> 01:52:36,256 [woman] Paradox. 2646 01:52:37,466 --> 01:52:38,797 You’ve been busy. 2647 01:52:38,797 --> 01:52:39,633 Well, somebody had to be. 2648 01:52:39,633 --> 01:52:41,800 We had some strange readings from this location. 2649 01:52:41,800 --> 01:52:42,867 You wouldn’t know anything about 2650 01:52:42,867 --> 01:52:45,507 an unsanctioned Time Ripper, would you? 2651 01:52:45,507 --> 01:52:47,102 Uh, no. No. I wouldn’t know anything 2652 01:52:47,102 --> 01:52:48,840 about an unsanctioned Time Ripper. 2653 01:52:48,840 --> 01:52:50,875 Maybe you should ask Cassandra Nova. 2654 01:52:50,875 --> 01:52:51,645 Because I was assured 2655 01:52:51,645 --> 01:52:54,043 that she was safely held in The Void. But no, 2656 01:52:54,043 --> 01:52:55,979 she was here. And she fondled my brain. 2657 01:52:55,979 --> 01:52:58,718 - How did you let this happen? - You weren’t involved at all? 2658 01:52:58,718 --> 01:53:01,787 In stopping her, yes! Yes, I was. 2659 01:53:01,787 --> 01:53:02,722 But not nearly enough. 2660 01:53:02,722 --> 01:53:06,429 Not as much as the men who went down there after her. 2661 01:53:06,759 --> 01:53:08,222 My men. 2662 01:53:08,497 --> 01:53:10,026 My friends. 2663 01:53:10,763 --> 01:53:11,390 I warned them. 2664 01:53:11,390 --> 01:53:13,194 That they would be completely obliterated if they went. 2665 01:53:13,194 --> 01:53:15,768 But they went anyway. Like... 2666 01:53:16,868 --> 01:53:17,968 Like heroes. 2667 01:53:17,968 --> 01:53:19,739 [♪ somber music playing] 2668 01:53:19,739 --> 01:53:22,302 Because that’s who they were. 2669 01:53:23,974 --> 01:53:26,746 They just did what they had to do. 2670 01:53:26,845 --> 01:53:29,749 With no concern for their own safety. 2671 01:53:31,916 --> 01:53:35,689 The fact that we are all still standing here 2672 01:53:35,689 --> 01:53:39,418 is a testament to their heroism. 2673 01:53:41,992 --> 01:53:43,763 Anyway, there’s nothing you or I can do 2674 01:53:43,763 --> 01:53:45,666 to bring them back now. 2675 01:53:46,161 --> 01:53:48,834 [Deadpool] He has risen, baby girl. 2676 01:53:48,834 --> 01:53:49,329 Fuck! 2677 01:53:49,329 --> 01:53:53,300 ♪ And I don’t want the world to see me ♪ 2678 01:53:53,300 --> 01:53:58,305 ♪ ’Cause I don’t think that they’d understand ♪ 2679 01:53:58,305 --> 01:54:02,485 ♪ When everything’s made to be broken ♪ 2680 01:54:02,485 --> 01:54:08,623 ♪ I just want you to know who I am ♪ 2681 01:54:08,623 --> 01:54:09,789 [Deadpool] Found your new Anchor Being. 2682 01:54:09,789 --> 01:54:12,561 And we’re doing just fine, you piece of shit. 2683 01:54:12,561 --> 01:54:14,827 - [female TVA agent] Mm. - [male TVA agent] Mm-hmm. 2684 01:54:14,827 --> 01:54:15,597 Fine indeed. 2685 01:54:15,597 --> 01:54:19,128 [Deadpool] All right. Put your greasy tits away, 2686 01:54:19,128 --> 01:54:19,997 you preening slut. 2687 01:54:19,997 --> 01:54:22,571 - [sighs] - I don’t understand. 2688 01:54:22,571 --> 01:54:23,429 How are you two still alive? 2689 01:54:23,429 --> 01:54:25,805 [Deadpool] You were right. One of us would have been killed. 2690 01:54:25,805 --> 01:54:27,807 - [gasps] - But you put a Deadpool 2691 01:54:27,807 --> 01:54:28,643 and a Wolverine together, 2692 01:54:28,643 --> 01:54:31,514 make ’em hold hands while listening to Madonna... 2693 01:54:31,514 --> 01:54:33,582 indestructible, motherfucker. 2694 01:54:33,582 --> 01:54:35,914 Let’s get this Deadpool Variant back to The Void. 2695 01:54:35,914 --> 01:54:37,476 [Deadpool] Wait, hold on. What? 2696 01:54:37,476 --> 01:54:38,477 [Peter] Nope. Actually... 2697 01:54:38,477 --> 01:54:40,556 This one’s homegrown, like me. 2698 01:54:40,556 --> 01:54:41,887 He belongs here. 2699 01:54:41,887 --> 01:54:42,481 And you are? 2700 01:54:42,481 --> 01:54:46,221 Peterpool. But you can call me Peter. 2701 01:54:47,057 --> 01:54:49,026 And I hope that you do. 2702 01:54:54,130 --> 01:54:56,099 What the fuck is happening here? 2703 01:54:56,099 --> 01:54:57,496 You are under judgment 2704 01:54:57,496 --> 01:54:59,707 for operating an unsanctioned Time Ripper. 2705 01:54:59,707 --> 01:55:01,071 - Take him. - I was just doing what 2706 01:55:01,071 --> 01:55:02,875 you don’t have the guts to do. 2707 01:55:02,875 --> 01:55:03,612 [Deadpool smooches] 2708 01:55:03,612 --> 01:55:07,407 Get your insolent hands off me! Get off! 2709 01:55:07,946 --> 01:55:10,344 I’m grateful, gentlemen. 2710 01:55:10,553 --> 01:55:11,279 Let’s hold the bows. 2711 01:55:11,279 --> 01:55:13,820 You led an Omega-level mutant to this timeline. 2712 01:55:13,820 --> 01:55:15,481 - [Deadpool] You’re welcome. - And you 2713 01:55:15,481 --> 01:55:17,054 shouldn’t even be near this timeline. 2714 01:55:17,054 --> 01:55:19,595 - [Deadpool] He’s welcome. - And you 2715 01:55:19,595 --> 01:55:21,696 look damn good in that suit. 2716 01:55:21,696 --> 01:55:23,357 I’m so sorry. 2717 01:55:23,599 --> 01:55:25,227 [device beeping] 2718 01:55:26,932 --> 01:55:29,363 I wanna show you something. 2719 01:55:29,902 --> 01:55:30,496 Something huge. 2720 01:55:30,496 --> 01:55:33,708 [Deadpool] That’s what Scoutmaster Kevin used to say. 2721 01:55:34,676 --> 01:55:35,974 Do you see that? 2722 01:55:35,974 --> 01:55:38,680 Your universe is regenerating. 2723 01:55:38,845 --> 01:55:40,506 Whatever you did here, 2724 01:55:40,506 --> 01:55:42,684 you not only saved your world. 2725 01:55:42,684 --> 01:55:46,182 You spared your timeline from extinction. 2726 01:55:47,513 --> 01:55:48,118 I’d rest up. 2727 01:55:48,118 --> 01:55:50,725 I have a feeling your work is only just getting started. 2728 01:55:50,725 --> 01:55:53,552 [Deadpool whispers] Till you’re 90. 2729 01:55:53,552 --> 01:55:54,421 Wait! Um... 2730 01:55:54,421 --> 01:55:58,293 We couldn’t have made it out of The Void without some help 2731 01:55:58,293 --> 01:56:01,901 from some people that the world kind of... 2732 01:56:01,901 --> 01:56:02,495 kind of forgot. 2733 01:56:02,495 --> 01:56:05,740 Is there any way that you could maybe find a way 2734 01:56:05,740 --> 01:56:07,742 to bring them home? 2735 01:56:08,677 --> 01:56:09,469 I’ll see what I can do. 2736 01:56:09,469 --> 01:56:12,142 [Deadpool] And, um, I promised my friend here 2737 01:56:12,142 --> 01:56:15,508 that the TVA could undo some pretty awful shit 2738 01:56:15,508 --> 01:56:16,146 in his timeline. 2739 01:56:16,146 --> 01:56:17,917 What would you say to that? 2740 01:56:17,917 --> 01:56:18,852 Change the past? 2741 01:56:18,852 --> 01:56:21,118 [Deadpool] Well, he did help me save the world. 2742 01:56:21,118 --> 01:56:24,759 And his past made him the man who did it. 2743 01:56:24,759 --> 01:56:28,158 There’s nothing to fix, Mr. Wilson. 2744 01:56:29,093 --> 01:56:30,765 Logan. 2745 01:56:32,932 --> 01:56:35,968 - [Deadpool] Shawarma? Yeah. - I could eat. 2746 01:56:44,471 --> 01:56:48,079 You know, the Avengers discovered shawarma. 2747 01:56:48,079 --> 01:56:50,785 They’d be lucky to have you. 2748 01:56:53,821 --> 01:56:56,186 [dog barking] 2749 01:56:57,121 --> 01:56:59,728 - Oh. - Oh, come on. 2750 01:56:59,728 --> 01:57:01,257 Fuck off! 2751 01:57:01,554 --> 01:57:02,863 Come here, my little cunchkin. 2752 01:57:02,863 --> 01:57:04,733 - [Dogpool barks] - Yes, it’s you. 2753 01:57:04,733 --> 01:57:06,966 You’re a survivor. 2754 01:57:06,966 --> 01:57:07,626 Mwah. 2755 01:57:07,626 --> 01:57:10,299 Oh, all is right in the world. 2756 01:57:11,003 --> 01:57:12,741 Yes, it is. 2757 01:57:13,533 --> 01:57:15,711 So what are you gonna do next? 2758 01:57:16,008 --> 01:57:19,209 I’ll figure it out. I always do. 2759 01:57:19,506 --> 01:57:21,112 All right. 2760 01:57:21,112 --> 01:57:22,410 So I’ll probably see you around? 2761 01:57:22,410 --> 01:57:26,315 [♪ soul music playing, "You’re All I Need to Get By"] 2762 01:57:27,888 --> 01:57:29,648 Probably not. 2763 01:57:32,156 --> 01:57:33,927 See you, bub. 2764 01:57:42,837 --> 01:57:44,663 [Wade] Logan. 2765 01:57:50,504 --> 01:57:52,748 Al. I’m back. 2766 01:57:52,748 --> 01:57:53,573 About damn time. 2767 01:57:53,573 --> 01:57:56,609 You holdin’? I’m all outta devil’s dandruff, 2768 01:57:56,609 --> 01:57:58,919 and I’m shaking like an angry vibrator. 2769 01:57:58,919 --> 01:58:01,724 Thank you, Al. We have company. 2770 01:58:01,724 --> 01:58:04,023 Althea, this is... 2771 01:58:04,023 --> 01:58:04,727 This is Logan. 2772 01:58:04,727 --> 01:58:06,586 - Nice to meet you, Logan. - Nice to meet you, too. 2773 01:58:06,586 --> 01:58:10,557 And this little ancient anal shit-knot is Mary Puppins. 2774 01:58:10,557 --> 01:58:12,834 Or as I like to call her, Dogpool. 2775 01:58:12,834 --> 01:58:15,936 You want to treat yourself to a little stroke? 2776 01:58:15,936 --> 01:58:19,104 - Get the tongue. There it is. - Oh, my God! Motherfucker! 2777 01:58:19,104 --> 01:58:23,537 Right? It’s like an armadillo fucked a gremlin, angrily, 2778 01:58:23,537 --> 01:58:25,110 - in a bed of gonorrhea... - Wow. 2779 01:58:25,110 --> 01:58:28,674 ...and didn’t stop till the sun came up. [chuckles] 2780 01:58:28,883 --> 01:58:30,544 Everyone wants to matter. 2781 01:58:30,544 --> 01:58:34,152 Turns out that you don’t need to be Marvel Jesus to do it. 2782 01:58:34,152 --> 01:58:37,925 You just need to open your eyes and look around. 2783 01:58:37,925 --> 01:58:39,828 And if you’re lucky, 2784 01:58:39,828 --> 01:58:41,962 you’ll find a few friends. 2785 01:58:41,962 --> 01:58:43,865 Old friends, 2786 01:58:43,865 --> 01:58:46,395 and some new ones too. 2787 01:58:47,561 --> 01:58:49,200 [laughter] 2788 01:58:49,871 --> 01:58:53,138 Give me the fucking dog. Talk to the girl. 2789 01:58:57,142 --> 01:58:59,276 [indistinct chatter] 2790 01:59:03,115 --> 01:59:03,984 Oh, hi. 2791 01:59:03,984 --> 01:59:06,217 - Hi. - [both laugh] 2792 01:59:06,217 --> 01:59:07,856 [Wade clears throat] 2793 01:59:07,856 --> 01:59:09,682 You’ve been busy. 2794 01:59:11,926 --> 01:59:14,159 I did it for you. 2795 01:59:14,654 --> 01:59:18,625 And even if you don’t want me, I... I did it for you. 2796 01:59:27,172 --> 01:59:28,635 Turns out, 2797 01:59:28,635 --> 01:59:30,406 I am the world-saving type. 2798 01:59:30,406 --> 01:59:33,981 Just look around this table if you want proof. 2799 01:59:34,080 --> 01:59:35,818 And the best part? 2800 01:59:35,818 --> 01:59:38,711 Sometimes the people we save, 2801 01:59:38,711 --> 01:59:40,119 they save us right back. 2802 01:59:40,119 --> 01:59:41,681 [♪ "You’re All I Need to Get By" continues playing] 2803 01:59:41,681 --> 01:59:45,520 ♪ We’ve got the right foundation ♪ 2804 01:59:45,520 --> 01:59:50,393 ♪ And with the love and determination ♪ 2805 01:59:50,393 --> 02:00:00,393 ♪ You’re all, you’re all I need ♪ 2806 02:00:01,701 --> 02:00:03,241 ♪ You’re all ♪ 2807 02:00:03,241 --> 02:00:09,280 ♪ You’re all I need to get by ♪ 2808 02:00:11,810 --> 02:00:14,780 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 2809 02:00:14,780 --> 02:00:19,323 [♪ alt. rock music plays, Green Day "Time of Your Life"] 2810 02:00:19,928 --> 02:00:22,821 [Charles] You’re not the only one with gifts. 2811 02:00:22,821 --> 02:00:24,790 What is this place? 2812 02:00:33,205 --> 02:00:38,243 ♪ Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road ♪ 2813 02:00:38,243 --> 02:00:43,842 ♪ Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go ♪ 2814 02:00:43,842 --> 02:00:44,315 [groans] 2815 02:00:44,315 --> 02:00:47,956 ♪ So make the best of this test and don’t ask why ♪ 2816 02:00:47,956 --> 02:00:52,653 ♪ It’s not a question, but a lesson learned in time ♪ 2817 02:00:52,653 --> 02:00:54,259 - Nice suit. - Zip it, Stan Lee. 2818 02:00:54,259 --> 02:00:55,722 ♪ It’s something unpredictable ♪ 2819 02:00:55,722 --> 02:00:57,823 ♪ But in the end is right ♪ 2820 02:00:57,823 --> 02:01:02,729 ♪ I hope you had the time of your life... ♪ 2821 02:01:02,729 --> 02:01:03,301 [laughter] 2822 02:01:03,301 --> 02:01:05,369 I really like the, uh... the art in the Deadpool comics. 2823 02:01:05,369 --> 02:01:07,734 You know, I just always felt a kind of a kinship to him. 2824 02:01:07,734 --> 02:01:10,440 And I just thought, I’d like to play that guy someday. 2825 02:01:10,440 --> 02:01:15,808 ♪ So take the photographs and still frames in your mind ♪ 2826 02:01:15,808 --> 02:01:20,813 ♪ Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time ♪ 2827 02:01:20,813 --> 02:01:25,961 ♪ Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial ♪ 2828 02:01:25,961 --> 02:01:28,931 ♪ For what it’s worth, it was worth ♪ 2829 02:01:28,931 --> 02:01:31,857 - ♪ All the while ♪ - [applause] 2830 02:01:31,857 --> 02:01:32,429 [cheering] 2831 02:01:32,429 --> 02:01:33,793 ♪ It’s something unpredictable ♪ 2832 02:01:33,793 --> 02:01:35,399 ♪ But in the end is right ♪ 2833 02:01:35,399 --> 02:01:39,139 ♪ I hope you had the time of your life... ♪ 2834 02:01:39,139 --> 02:01:43,044 I was there for three weeks before I shot a single thing. 2835 02:01:43,044 --> 02:01:45,442 At our first day of shooting, 2836 02:01:45,442 --> 02:01:46,773 I was so nervous, man. 2837 02:01:46,773 --> 02:01:48,984 Everyone was sort of going, "Who’s this guy?" 2838 02:01:48,984 --> 02:01:50,953 You know, there was a lot of that and, 2839 02:01:50,953 --> 02:01:52,713 you know, "Is he gonna deliver or not?" 2840 02:01:52,713 --> 02:01:55,815 You can feel all that kind of pressure. 2841 02:01:55,815 --> 02:02:00,391 It’s always the suit’s fault. Never the actor. 2842 02:02:07,497 --> 02:02:08,102 [screaming] 2843 02:02:08,102 --> 02:02:09,301 - This is... - The only way. 2844 02:02:09,301 --> 02:02:12,007 ♪ It’s something unpredictable ♪ 2845 02:02:12,007 --> 02:02:13,734 ♪ But in the end is right ♪ 2846 02:02:13,734 --> 02:02:18,772 ♪ I hope you had the time of your life ♪ 2847 02:02:18,772 --> 02:02:22,050 Ah, so this is what it feels like. 2848 02:02:23,810 --> 02:02:25,614 And there’s the lights. 2849 02:02:25,614 --> 02:02:26,879 For medical research. 2850 02:02:26,879 --> 02:02:29,453 - Bye-bye, video. [smooches] - [man] Bye. 2851 02:02:29,453 --> 02:02:31,158 [♪ song ends] 2852 02:02:34,656 --> 02:02:37,791 [♪ instrumental music playing] 2853 02:06:42,508 --> 02:06:45,808 [Deadpool] I’m tired of these absolutely vile rumors 2854 02:06:45,808 --> 02:06:47,876 that I got Johnny killed. 2855 02:06:48,074 --> 02:06:49,977 Let’s look at the tape. 2856 02:06:50,582 --> 02:06:51,550 In The Void, 2857 02:06:51,550 --> 02:06:53,750 you’re either food for Alioth 2858 02:06:53,750 --> 02:06:55,719 or you work for her. 2859 02:06:57,886 --> 02:06:59,019 [Deadpool] Go on, Johnny. 2860 02:06:59,019 --> 02:07:01,153 And I’ll tell you who "her" is. 2861 02:07:01,153 --> 02:07:01,758 Cassandra Nova. 2862 02:07:01,758 --> 02:07:03,958 A megalomaniacal, psychotic asshole. 2863 02:07:03,958 --> 02:07:05,597 A finger licking dead-inside pixie slab 2864 02:07:05,597 --> 02:07:07,995 of third rate dime-store nut-milk. And I’ll tell you 2865 02:07:07,995 --> 02:07:09,535 - what she can do. - [Deadpool] I’m listening. 2866 02:07:09,535 --> 02:07:11,504 She can lick my goddamn cinnamon ring clean 2867 02:07:11,504 --> 02:07:12,868 and kick rocks all the way to bald hell. 2868 02:07:12,868 --> 02:07:15,475 In fact, I don’t give a shit if she removes all my skin 2869 02:07:15,475 --> 02:07:18,071 and pops me like some nightmarish blood balloon. 2870 02:07:18,071 --> 02:07:18,841 If the last thing I do 2871 02:07:18,841 --> 02:07:20,975 in this godforsaken cum-gutter existence 2872 02:07:20,975 --> 02:07:22,911 is light that fuck-box on fire, 2873 02:07:22,911 --> 02:07:23,648 I still won’t die happy. 2874 02:07:23,648 --> 02:07:24,946 [Deadpool laughs] Holy shit, girl. You crazy. 2875 02:07:24,946 --> 02:07:28,180 That’s right, Wade. I won’t be happy until I’ve urinated 2876 02:07:28,180 --> 02:07:29,687 on her freshly barbecued corpse 2877 02:07:29,687 --> 02:07:31,491 and husk-fucked the charred remains 2878 02:07:31,491 --> 02:07:33,427 while gargling Juggernaut’s juggernuts. 2879 02:07:33,427 --> 02:07:35,561 - [Deadpool] Wow! - And you can quote me. 2880 02:07:35,561 --> 02:07:36,925 [Deadpool] ’Kay. 2881 02:07:36,925 --> 02:07:38,960 Got you, fuckface.